Corpo get-together…

Supplementary election to fill a vacant seat in the upper house is held today in one of the constituencies (a useful touchstone to sound out support for the ruling party in north-eastern Poland being one of its strongholds), so the best practice would be to hold over the monthly commentary on the pursuit of the dobra zmiana (will catch up next week). In the meantime I need to get off my chest some stuff that has mounted up…

Yesterday I returned from one of in-house annual conferences staged my the New Factory. By labelling it in-house I mean its participants were only employees of the New Factory and no one else. By labelling it conference I mean the part of the agenda was (indeed) a (tedious) conference panel, otherwise this operating expense (feel sorry for the shareholders…) would have undesired tax implications. Had it been straightforwardly named a lavish booze-up, it would not have been a tax-deductible expense for the company and employees would need to pay income tax on the (costly) benefit they would have received from the employer…

Myths around what happens during such events are old as hills, nevertheless the perception of corporate get-togethers varies considerably depending on particular people… Based on my own observations many stories on how hard workmates can party have little to do with reality, or simply parties for financiers are more expensive but less scandalous than those organised for staff from other industries.

The probably most widespread legend about the integration parties (with accommodation) is that they create the unsurpassed opportunity to cheat on your spouse or partner. Fortunately (and heaven forfend), I have never been a witness of such acts, nor have ever heard of them (not to mention participating!). I assume such adventures do not belong to achievements civilised humans would brag about, so only the involved parties are in the know. Moreover, such behaviours, if do happen, happen marginally. Besides, if somebody wants to cheat on their partner, they will not need to wait for the occasion of the corporate trip, but if somebody would not cheat on their partner, they would not do it anyway despite conducive circumstances.

The other story are the situations which plainly would not be classified as cheating, but rather fall into grey area and would rather not be approved by partners of parties involved. Most husbands would not be elated to see their wives sitting on a colleague’s laps, most wives would not be pleased to see their husband touching his workmate’s buttocks while dancing. For some people such behaviours are permissible part of the one-off fun, for some are a step way too far. As in this respect my conscience is not clean, I do not dare to assess those behaviours, nevertheless had I been in a relationship, I would have held back.

Alcohol is on-the-house in unlimited amounts is also an indispensable element of such events, hence participants want to make use of it. My observations are derived from parties with civilised people, so the incidences of over-using alcohol did happen, but were not frequent. I would rather witness tanked-up individuals rather than hoards. The very fact of drinking too much is, I believe, not condemnable; what you do, no matter how intoxicated you are, is what can bring shame on you. The most obnoxious situation I have witnessed was a guy running around in his boxers and shouting something out, but more common are situations of people whose true nature comes to the light and they begin to either backbite their workmates or tell them straightforwardly what they think about them. It brings clear evidence upbringing and social norms induce people to conduct themselves acceptably, while the confrontation with the worst, carefully hidden parts of some people’s nature may be dreadful… I can confess I have once drunk too much and upon realising it, I made off to my room on my own, though staggering. Fortunately, a huge hangover the next day was the only price to pay and thankful it had not got much worse, I promised myself not to repeat it. What I can advise is to know your limits, have a few drinks to get more relaxed (a teetotaller might be perceived as a sneak or as someone fighting problems with alcohol), but stay more sober than inebriated and… watch carefully what is going on around. Sometimes during one evening or night you will learn more about your workmates than during hundreds of hours spent together in the office.

The piece of advice above shifts the posting towards what the purpose of such parties for senior management is. They drink little alcohol and hardly ever step into a dance-floor. They know well this is the ideal occasion to rub shoulders, reinforce their position within the company, backbite others and observe their subordinates. All in all, they play a political game and actually work hard rather than party hard. While a rank-and-file can only end up wasting their reputation by doing silly things under the influence, senior managers and executives leverage on such events. Not attending them is like standing in one place while others move on…

I personally rather avoid senior managers during such parties and talk to them only if they approach me. I hang around with ordinary folks, as broadly expected and accepted. Nevertheless, I am not fond of people getting too effusive, especially after drinking a bit too much, but not enough to make a piss of themselves. Maybe fans of soap operas find pleasure in listening to other people’s secrets, including what frustrates people in their relationships and other aspects of personal life, what they have gone through with workmates, how much they earn (or how big gaps in salaries within one team are). I particularly blow a fuse (not only during parties, but in general) if I hear a woman being in a relationship confessing she is afraid of being lonely or enumerating traits of their partner which drive her mad. You can say a well-mannered person would not stoop so low to complain about their husband or boyfriend to anyone else than a close friend, but oddly enough if a friend grumbles about his wife, I do not find it annoying… Still, restraint is what I hold dear.

No matter what sins you happen to commit during an integration trip, the golden rule being a part of corporate culture is whatever happens during integration event, stays there. It might become a subject of gossips, but is never told in public. Of course as long as your misdemeanour is really glaring, then a company will force you to terminate a contract voluntarily (looks much better in documents than being fired for misconduct) and you will walk away in disgrace…

Actually, most people do not embrace such events, and many find sophisticated excuses to shun them or possibly shorten attendance to a bare minimum satisfactory for managerial teams. The recent event kicked off on Thursday midday and drew to a close on Saturday late morning. For me, not a problem to spend two nights in a four-star hotel near Warsaw partying, participating in excruciating meeting during the day and enjoying food and beverages on the house. For people having families, especially small children and generally to all folks having obligations, this is not a dreamt-up get-together and would rather do a nine-to-five job and return to their families that indulge in an exuberant event.

So if most people do not like, while such events are held anyway? Not to bring people together, I suppose. It is because apart from bread (salaries paid in time, perks and bonuses) people need circuses. Just like a man invites a woman for a dinner to a posh restaurant, he shows he cares, same goes with an employer who splurges a barely imaginable amount of money for a booze-up shows they care about their stuff. Who cares stakeholders of the company pay for it, either in form of lower net profit, or in form of increased prices of company’s products or in form of lower bonuses? I have dare to estimate total yearly cost of such events borne by the New Factory may account for around three percent of its before-tax earnings and if I got the equivalent of what has been paid for the most recent one, would buy me a detached house in my dreamt-up location. The other side of the coin is the profitable business of running venues specialising in hosting corporate events. And unlike individuals who seek holiday accommodation, corporate clients spend someone else’s money, so price does not matter most (paradoxically if a company throws out more money, it cares more). The business, unlike what many say, is not very cyclical, and provided occupancy rates are high (during holiday periods you can decrease prices and host individuals), the business model should ensure sustainable and high profits.