24 July 2010
My paternal grandparents are both 84, they still manage on their own, but one day they’ll surely depart. When? How will I react? Uncertainty crops up once again…
Easter, on the word of Christian beliefs, the celebration of rebirth. Christians trust Jesus died and resurrected and so one day all His followers will. This belief is meant to fill people with hope that life does not cease at the moment of demise. One’s soul just enters a different dimension, a transition to another phase in the pursuit of eternal life.
My paternal grandparents are both 84, they still manage on their own, but one day they’ll surely depart. When? How will I react? Uncertainty crops up once again…
Easter, on the word of Christian beliefs, the celebration of rebirth. Christians trust Jesus died and resurrected and so one day all His followers will. This belief is meant to fill people with hope that life does not cease at the moment of demise. One’s soul just enters a different dimension, a transition to another phase in the pursuit of eternal life.
Rozłąka naszym losem.
Spotkanie naszą nadzieją.
Fate parts
us, but we ought to hope one day we will reunite. Faith, whether Christian, or
any other, is probably meant to help people cope with bereavement.
Recent
departure of my grandma was not my first close encounter to death. Six and a
half years ago my maternal grandfather passed away. The two deceases made me
ponder upon the nature of death, as a down-to-earth, yet an immensely
complicated phenomenon. In medical terms a decease is a moment when functions
of a human body come to a halt, heart ceases to beat, brain stops working (to
be more precise these processes do not have to terminate at the same moment).
In some spiritual context, the body dies down, yet the soul might fly away from
the body. In psychological dimension the passage from “alive” to “dead” state
means a human being once “is” and then “is not”, something one can find hard to
comprehend.
You could
argue whether every death brings out comparable feelings of sorrow leaving out
extreme examples, such as death of Stalin, which filled millions of people with
joy and hope for communist regime thawing out). Perception and coping with
death from what I have observed depends on combination of three factors:
1) Whether
a person died young, pre-maturely or naturally, out of old age. It seems it
easier to come to terms with a decease of a person who passes away having lived
until the grand old age, since being born and dying are an indispensable part
of each human’s existence and whenever someone’s lifeline ends naturally rather
is being cut across.
2) Whether
a departure is expected or sudden. A death preceded by long illness helps
relatives prepare (if possible at all) to cope with bereavement. A death which
strikes out of the blue comes a much bigger shock to family of the deceased.
3) Whether
a death is quick or long-lasting. A fast decease, which does not cause a dead
person suffer a lot before breathing their last might give some comfort to
their relative, while a long-lasting death means usually many people suffer
together with the terminally ill.
My recent
experience tells me it is somewhat easier to reconcile to loss of grandma if I
bear in mind she lived long in good health, I had some time to face up to the
thought the decease is inexorable (half a year ago I knew chances she would recover
were low, more than two weeks before death it became clear it was just a matter
of time). The worst period for me was essentially “the wait”, since without
going into details grandma’s farewell with this world lasted exactly two weeks,
during which she knew what was going on with her and suffered badly. Doctors in
the hospital could at best ease her pain and wait.
The first
half of March has brought on thoughts on one of the controversial ethical
issues in the public discourse – euthanasia, a dilemma I had had no clear-cut
opinion on. Now I am sure I am against it. I have realised departure has to
ensue naturally, no matter how long the pre-death agony lasts. I cannot imagine
anyone from the family instructing a doctor to put grandma out of misery. Yet I
have to confess the phone call from the hospital which woke us up before dawn
on 15 March brought a bit of relief that grandma no longer suffered.
Those two
weeks also triggered the question about the sense of suffering. I doubt there
can be any good answer to it. Suffering is a part of divine plan and we as
humans should not interfere.
Grandma was
buried in a relatively new part of cemetery in Skolimow. After the funeral I
looked around to learn grandma’s grave is surrounded by graves of people who
died in their 50s, 60s or early 70s. I found only three graves of people aged
above 80 the moment they passed away and only one grave of a 91-year-old woman,
older than my grandma. That sample of burial grounds could give lie to a rising
life expectancy, yet if our goal is other than calling into question statistics,
the conclusion is only one – the surrounding graves symbolise far too many
premature deceases…
The day
after the funeral I had to take a business trip to a client seated some 50
kilometres from Poznan. Since four persons were travelling and the destination
was far away from the nearest train station, it was most convenient and
economical to go by a company car. Imagine the distance from Poznan to Warsaw
can be covered within less than two and a half hours. Horrifyingly, driving 200
kmph at the motorways is ordinary for most sales representatives and senior
managers having company cars at their disposal, who do not have to worry about
sky-high petrol consumption but have too little time to waste it on slow
driving. Oddly enough most of those people have small children, yet the thought
their (and not only their) offspring could become semi-orphans far too early
does not put them off lunatic driving. Well, maybe the word “lunatic” is not
the most suitable, since the driver was confident and we did not have any
situation threatening an accident, yet the very speed of 200 kmph is excessive.
Memento mori… Jesteśmy tu tylkona chwilę
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