Luksus kontra proste życie - book review

Luxury and simplicity are starkly contrasting lifestyle foundations, albeit some try to combine them.

Simplicity, depending on how to define it, might be a positive or a negative notion, while luxury, at least until recently, has brought out mostly positive associations.

A luxury's distinguishing marks are: limited supply, not being a part of everyday life, or being enjoyed by few chosen (elites). Whatever is experienced frequently, or by masses does not deserve to be called a luxury. For some reasons, luxury is what many people strive for. How they pursue it, depends on their social status.

The poor flaunt material goods, especially those eye-popping, the rich benefit from their wealth in silence. The poor buy small, visible stuff (electronics, clothes, footwear, used cars of premium makes), some of the rich take delight in comfort of life and not proving their wealth to anyone. The poor consume to show off, the rich accumulate, building a cushion for rainy days.

Shunning thoughtless consumption requires guts and strong will. It involves rising above pressure of consumption which surrounds us from all angles. Doing so requires self-confidence and self-esteem rooted in who you are, not what you possess.

The book praises DIY as a virtue, drawing on traditions of craftsmanship and resourcefulness. Doing (not only constructing, more often repairing) things on one's own best symbolises sprawczość (a concept best represented by English words such as: agency, self-efficacy, empowerment, though none of them fully grasps the purport).

The biggest trap of minimalism is not getting obsessed with self-discipline essential to cut down on lavish spending, but disdain towards those who have not taken the same path. Whenever I look down on drivers of oversized SUVs I catch myself having fallen into that trap. The author of the book, Mr Jakub Szczęsny has apparently also not resisted it. Besides, if minimalism becomes an ideology governing your life, you can go over the top with it and plunge into another extreme, making the life of your near and dear a misery.

The book is a manifesto of simple, yet comfortable and slow life. As the author points out, humans can draw happiness from giving up on chasing consumption. Life gets easier when pressure is released, yet I believe in order to reach that stage, one must attain a level of affluence sufficient not to worry about basic material needs and unpredictable situations in which financial resources would be a lifeboat. My post oddly coincides with a fellow blogger's musings, which overlap the notion of what a comfortable life is.

I usually recommend books I review here, but not this one. I see most things eye to eye with the author, but his scribble is tough to read, too lengthy, some chapters are a string of complaints and between the lines self-superiority comes up. Even though the ending makes up for mediocre middle chapters, my overall advice is to read it at your own risk.

The golden age - book review

Most books coming into by hands are recommended by someone else, but the reviewed one indeed has been chosen by someone else, but not precisely for me. The essay on the macroeconomic success of Poland after 1989 was an award in a contest for managers run by my employer and with a bit of luck I won it. Regardless of uncanny method I have come by it, I am glad it has landed on my bookshelf.

Oddly enough, the book, whose author, Mr Piątkowski, is a scholar at Oxford University, has been originally written in English. I have learnt it around the middle of my reading, having come across several excerpts having all features of clumsy translations of English sentences. I regret not having the chance to get familiar with the original version, yet at the end of the day, the cognitive experience would have been the same. Of note is that the first edition of the book was published in 2018. Since then there were some minor supplements and the last chapter was added, yet in the contemporary fast-evolving world, passing time has rendered some arguments outdated.

Regardless of what some populist politicians might tell you, Poland has made an impressive stride after 1989, absolutely unprecedented in its history; a progress all citizens have benefited from (though not to the same extent) we, a collective accomplishment Poles can be proud of.

In the first chapters of the book, the author explores drivers of economic growth, paying particular attention to purely qualitative ones, such as institutions, culture and mindsets of people. His musings bring back Micheal's question, whether collapse of communism should be put down to the system or to the people. Before Mr Piątkowski moves on to examine reasons why Poland used to fall behind western Europe for centuries, he reminds GDP is not a perfect indicator of people's welfare and happiness. Here, again, my thought are diverted to Michael's blog and his de-growth manifesto.

Over the course of its history, Poland could not boast of testimony of growth-conducive circumstances. Between 16th and 18^th century, when western European nations accumulated wealth, Poland was effectively under the rule of oligarchic caste of noblemen, who pursued their own interests, consumed fruits of peasants' work in countryside, fostering their backwardness, when in the West, middle class of merchants and upper-middle class of industry developers was nascent. The country, devoid of actual power exercised by a king and lacking money from tax collection, was gradually plunging into anarchy, which eventually led to partitions which wiped Poland off the map if Europe for 123 years.

Once Poland regained independence in 1918, it restored its pre-partition social structure with tiny elite minding its own business and keeping with country backward. The society was still predominantly agrarian, with poor access to education and health service. With such elites, the country had little chance to move forward.

The advent of communism, no matter how evil it was, turned the social structure upside down and flattened it. The bygone elites (those who survived WW2) were stripped off their wealth, while the descendants of the numerous lower class were given a chance for social advancement. Communist Poland has not only cracked down on illiteracy, but also gave a chance to children of peasants and blue-collar workers to get university education. As the author points out then, inclusiveness and low inequality of the Polish society were crucial for putting the country on fast-growth track after 1989.

The post-1989 advance was tough, painful and a deep recession was the price to pay for fast catching up with the West in subsequent years. The author points out a mix of factors, categorised both into "the system" and "the people" underpinned the period of unprecedented growth which with hindsight might beyond all doubt be called the golden age of Poland. The progress continued for many years despite the headwinds from the world economy and regardless of political groupings behind the wheel. Personal bias aside, leftist post-communists, centrist PO and right-populist PiS have all helped my country move ahead.

The best years are behind us. The distance to the richer west is narrower, cheap workforce is no longer our ace up the sleeve. Poland lacks cutting-edge innovativeness which could work to its advantage. Besides, demographics, especially fertility drastically lower than expected a few years ago, will become a massive burden hampering further development. Looking at the far end of the political arena at parties opposing Poland's belonging to the (imperfect, yet best available) civilised West and tilting at the empire of evil, one cries out: don't squander it.

Going back to the very review - after a brilliant beginning, with each chapter charm wanes and towards the end, the book gets not yet dull, but too academic. Nevertheless, anyone fond of economics and history of Poland should find time to get familiar with it.

Eight dates - book review

Definitely I am not a fan of counselling, nor am I keen to give or receive advice how to live. Nevertheless, my choice of books I read is mostly based on recommendations (most often given by friends, less frequently run across when reading), so when a friend, who is a post-graduate psychology student, suggested I borrow the aforementioned script from a local library, I followed her endorsement.

The book, written by a relationship guru John M. Gottman (most famous for this theory of four horsemen of relationship doom: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling) and his wife, emphasises the role of open, honest and straightforward communication in a romantic relationship. As the authors point out, areas crucial for relationship out to be talked over, in order to enhance mutual understanding in a relationship. Judging by stories of divorces and break-ups, many could have been evaded, had people spoken up properly early. The journey through getting more familiar with each other runs through eight conversation topics for eight separate dates. I split them into chapters, in line with how the manuscript is structured.

Chapter 1: trust and commitment. Those are the notions individuals may construe and exhibit differently. The authors forget to add no relationship can survive in long run without trust and without putting a partner’s trust to the test (imagine your partners leaving for a weekend in a woods only with their friend of the opposite sex, assuming you are in a heterosexual couple). Commitment in turn may be shown in several ways and may vary in intensity. A blossoming relationship should match expectations of partners and most natural ways of expressing commitment, with reliability being sometimes a forgotten (also in the book) part of it.

Chapter 2: addressing conflict. Where two people meet, differences leading to clashes will inevitably turn up. Reasons for divergence might be twofold: either situational, i.e. stemming from a person’s behaviour, or fundamental, i.e. arising from different hierarchy of values or lifestyle. The former are easily curable and not difficult to deal with, unless at least one partner is stubborn. The latter are to be (or not) learnt to be lived with. Statistics from long-term research sample of relationships Gottmans examined over years revealed 69% of long-lasting couples had to cope with fundamental differences and got ahead despite hardships.

Chapter 3: sex and intimacy. In a monogamic relationship this is a sphere reserved for a partner only, so any deficiencies as a matter of principle should not be made up for with other people. On top, since generations this has been a taboo topic hence an open conversation on one’s desires, limitations, fear and inhibitions might be difficult.

Chapter 4: work and money. Here I must say authors have done a reasonably good job of describing two drivers of attitude towards money. Highly generalising, some people treat money primarily as a source of security (in case of unemployment, illness, to ensure income for retirement), others as a source of pleasure (the joy of consumption). A conversation about money should be hence grounded in what money means for a person and what habits one has learnt at home. Money-related issues are one of the most common conflict areas in relationships, hence talking about it is a must. Aside from what the authors come up with, I would add managing finances is about balancing long-term goals (retirement, education for children, property purchases) and short-term consumption. Overweighting any of two ways of allocating pecuniary surpluses might end up badly, but a couple should together how much of current consumption they wish to sacrifice to pursue long-term goals. Earning money refers also to striking a balance between working more to increase wealth and spending time with nearest and dearest. The proportions might and will differ at specific stages of life, but the decision where to set the scales ought to be taken together.

Chapter 5: family. The writers claim many differences may be overcome, but vision of family is a fundamental one and a disagreement in this respect is so critical that it may lead to a relationship break-up and no cure for it ought to be sought. The word “family” refers to the one raised by a couple, which involves several questions, not just if to have offspring or not. Couples should ask themselves how many children they want to raise, when, how to share childcare duties and how to bring them up. Children, in order to grow up happily need both loving parents, the relationship between them should not be neglected at the expense of time spent looking after offspring. One day they will fly the nest and the bond between partners should be strong enough to allow for rebirth of their relationship at that stage. The same word also pertains to families in which partners were raised, frequence and intensity or relationships with relatives as they are also one of more frequent motives for quarrels.

Chapter 6: fun and adventure. This part is about not letting a mature relationship rest on laurels and reigniting it by trying out new activities and taking breaks from a daily grind. The authors emphasise definitions of adventure may vary between partners, yet in this area there is room for parting company and having fun separately (after all, it is about trust).

Chapter 7: growth and spirituality. The title is enigmatic and might be misleading, but it is all about values cherished, religion and vision of what you pursue in life. A common topic in Poland these days is a gap between females who have moved ahead and men who are lagging behind, being the core reason for lower number of relationships and subsequent demographic collapse. I presume this could suit the definition of “growth” as set forth by Gottmans. In this area there is room for divergence, yet if one partner carries on and the other does not catch up, in practice is a common cause of break-ups, especially those initiated by women.

Chapter 8: dreams. The last chapter is forward-looking and is a logical consequence of the previous one. Chasing dreams can make the daily grind more bearable. One should know what dreams and aspirations of one’s partner’s are and see them through in pursuing them. Here what the authors posit might require a lot of tolerance, patience and understanding, if a partner’s dreams are grossly opposing from ours. But what if pursuit of a dream might undermine a relationship or put it to the test? The book leaves this open question unanswered.

One notion props up several times in the book. There is, agreeably, just one mark partners in a boding-well relationships have in common, namely they are positive about their life companions. The more pros than cons they see in their partner, the more likely their relationship is to flourish and remain crisis-resistant. When making long-term choices who to spend life with, we must not forget about it.

Dom dobry - film review

I am quite fond of Wojciech Smarzowski’s films, to such extent that as a person not into a moving pictures, I reviewed four of his films here: Drogówka, Podmocnym aniołem, Wołyń and Kler.

Whenever Mr Smarzowski releases a new film, he touches upon a meaningful social problem and depicts it hitting exactly where it hurts. For many his films are too naturalistic and filthy. Many critics have claimed while shooting “Dom dobry” he had gone over the top with filth and cruelty, an approach I cannot hold with, since my sensitivity to filth and cruelty is probably below-average. Lots of people who have seen the film argue the actor who played the oppressor, Tomasz Schuchardt, I believe unknown to wider audience until now, was the least suitable for the role. When looking at him, I would argue he has a son-of-a-bitch apparition at first sight. In one of the pre-premiere interviews he revealed in had been impossible to identify with the character he had play, but someone must have done that job.

Domestic violence is a hidden problem not only in Poland. Dramas play out behind closed door in families which seem normal. Hundreds thousand of Poles, mostly women, are victims of oppressors who resort to physical, mental, economic and sexual misdeeds to bully their targets. I am immensely grateful to Mr Smarzowski for painting an accurate and merciless picture of the phenomenon.

The director must have done a lot of homework while delving on the topic before setting out to shoot the film. He shows a repeatable scheme which puts a victim into a vicious circle and then keeps it turning. It begins with upbringing in a defunct family, running away from it into the arms of at first charming tormentor who bombs their new partner with love and slowly manipulates them. Unacceptable behaviours slowly creep in and get more frequent among the good moments. Victims are usually treated like a boiled frog and refuse to try to break away from a toxic relationship for several reasons, including economic dependence, lack of family or friends to take comfort in or toxic relationship patterns learnt at home.

The premiere of the film coincided with an intense time in Szlachetna Paczka. This year I have come across a few women being hosts of Warszawski Ośrodek Interwencji Kryzysowej who have run away from their violent husbands or partners and are on their way to start over. Having listened to the stories of their lives I partly relived them in a cinema. It also occurred to me I owe them watching this film if I am to be an emphatic volunteer.

To spoil as little as possible, the film has two endings. One of them is a poignant reminder not every cloud has a silver lining and an oppressed human might overstep its boundaries to fight out freedom.

Od ja do my - book review

Volant is one of those contemporary Polish influencers whose online career began with blogging and with time expanded into social media and books (which often are just a well-arranged compilation of blog posts written over time). As his recognisability grew, Volant quit his anonymity and appears publicly under real name, Michał Szatiło. He is one of most renowned gurus of romantic relationships in Poland, privately a husband and father of two daughters, practising what he preaches. After years of hard work, he monetises on his popularity. His books are available online only and the one I'm about to review would set you back PLN 99 + delivery cost. I have hunted a used one in OLX, saved PLN 40 and have not helped Mr Szatiło out.

When setting about reading, I was sceptical towards the book, anticipating some 10% of its content would be ground-breaking. Astonishingly, I found between 20% and 30% to be of added value.

Volant posits (right on) the percentage of singletons these days is high since people tend to claim something has gone wrong with other people and with the world itself. Making a martyr of yourself and bearing a grudge against all potential partners who do not stack up against your perfection is the ideal recipe not to pair up by the end of your days. I need to take it to heart.

Easing up, as Volant advises, is the first, yet still insufficient step. Opportunities to do things, explore, visit places and... go places crop up every day. Seize them, as they involve meeting new people via whom you can get to know other new people and boost your chances to find a life companion offline.

To impress somebody you need to be attractive. You won’t change your look, apparition, height, sometimes you have limited impact on your weight, but a charming person is characterised by a beautiful mind and broad horizons. Therefore "doing your bit" is essential if you want to be perceived an attractive human. Volant tells you as an adult who left university, whose network has loosened, almost always you will start doing your bit on your own and only then people will join and follow you.

The author puts on the agenda one of my primary worries which has kept me company for years, i.e. I do not approach a woman romantically until I make sure she is not in a relationship. But if she indeed is taken, she should turn me down politely and I should back down, doing my best not to waste an opportunity.

While trying to pick out factors which bode well for a relationship in the long run, Volant selects three: the look (a sexual attraction is a must) which brings partners together, similar lifestyle and values which keep them together.

Dating apps are considered a valuable option, provided people who match each other ought to meet up offline possibly quickly. While face to face, the first conversation matters. It often follows a scheme of asking and answering questions about each other, resembling a mutual interrogation. Instead, people should talk about their goals, values, dreams, inhibitions and dislikes, boosting the odds of finding a common tongue.

If it clicks in, an early stage of a relationship develops. It is the time when partners make mistakes which impinge on the rest of their life together. This is the time for being 100% oneself, but not bending over backwards to be 200% yourself, to set boundaries and to talk over issues which arise as red flags. A fear of rejection, unjustified hopes things will shape up and other factors keep most people in the circle of those mistakes and consequently most of them end up in unsatisfactory relationships.

Volant calls into question a popular assertion that building a relationship must take a lot of effort. He claims a decent relationship needs to be fostered, but he compares it a long walk in flat terrain, which is a form of light physical exercise and contrasts it to a steep climb uphill, which involves substantial strain. He says if your relationship over the first two years is a road uphill, most likely it is a dead-end one.

A man's search for meaning

I have recently drastically ramped up the number of books read, with my pipeline being compiled from recommendations in the media or from friends. With the two sources being at times insufficient, AI turns out to be a (not flawless) source of inspiration.

Not a long ago, prompted by recurring thoughts on how to arrange my life, if the fate does not bring a chance to raise a family, I asked chatGPT to recommended readings on searching for a sense in life. The item which popped up as a first non-philosophical book was the one by Victor E. Frankl.

The author was an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, but above all, a concentration camp survivor. He wrote the first version of his work in 1946, as the memories of shirking annihilation were still fresh. As he quotes the statistics, ex-post odds to come out alive of a concentration camp, were 1 to 28. Those who survived until "liberation" (whatever evil you may say of the Soviet army, prisoners of Nazi concentration camps were saved from death by them) were not lucky, nor of extraordinary stamina, nor had much lust for life. As Mr Frankl pointed out, they kept seeing deeper sense of their suffering and chased dignity in places where it was downtrodden.

The experience of concentration camp survival laid foundations for logotherapy, a therapeutic approach which is uncommon these days. Note the book, though augmented twice, the last time in 1984, might appear outdated today, as human life and relationships have been deeply reshaped over the last decades. The second chapter of the book, written sometime between 1946 and 1984, concisely and approachably summarises basics of logotherapy, which I dare to interpret below.

According to the author, the basic driver of a sense of meaning in life is a pursuit of a mission being accomplished. Be it inventing a cure for cancer, raising a family, constructing bridges or helping orphans as a volunteer - life must a have a defined goal, which either is chased indefinitely or offers deep self-fulfilment when achieved.

The mission pursued lifts a human out of two states into which humans inevitably plunge and between which they then swing - boredom and despair. In early industrial times, when physical labour was took up 50 - 60 hours a week and running a house and a raising a multi-child family occupied most of the time, little time was left for boredom, so the despair prevailed. In post-industrial era, with shorter working hours and several appliances taking mundane duties off people in developed countries, boredom takes over. Although life seems easier now, lifting oneself from boredom is more problematic than overcoming despair a century ago. Despair comes up when life overwhelms you. Boredom creeps up when you lack resources to fill the void.

The meaning of life has three dimensions:
1) work or action - either as part of your vocational duties or voluntarily you create something, which brings you some benefits or prompts positive feelings,
2) relationships and experiencing - draw on the concept no man as an island and interactions with fellow humans add much value to our lives, however taking pleasure in nature, art or exploring new places to bring delight to our senses also may be a goal to be pursued,
3) suffering - is not a compulsory element of searching the meaning, but once life confronts you with illness, pain, bereavement or loss of wealth, it gives you a chance to be reborn and to redefine your dignity.

Upon reading the book I am pretty sure the fate has a plan for each of us. I also approach the future, no matter how not bright it might be, with more humility and faith things will shape up.