Decency, a
down-to-earth, yet vague concept; a dimension of human morality, a backbone of
civilised society. So understandable, yet enough intricate to give you a hard
time in coming up with a comprehensive (decent) definition of it. Oddly enough,
on the blog before today I posted seven other posts tagged decency; their
content could help bring us closer to what the concept of decency may revolve
around:
- watching
one’s tongue,
- not
shunning responsibility for one’s missteps,
- not
duping fellow men,
- paying
somebody for work they do for you,
- laying
off staff “gently”,
- workings
of rotten financial sector,
- giving
back money you have been lent.
The list
above contains some odd criteria scattered and picked out from the universe of
standards of decency.
So what
makes you a decent man?
- They way
you treat other people?
- Whether
you follow ethical principles, either those universal, or those set by the
religious beliefs, e.g. ten commandments?
- Whether
you obey the law?
- Whether
you sympathise with other people and ask yourself how would you feel, if you
were in that skin?
- Whether
you simply can look yourself in the eyes in the mirror and admit you have not
hurt anyone?
What
instils decency in you?
- Parents
and immediate relatives over the course of upbringing? Definitely in the
formative years a human can be shaped, the older one grows, the harder to
eradicate bad habits and seed good ones.
- Or maybe
it runs in the genes? Examples of children of evil people adopted by decent
families and whose new parents’ effort to bring them up failed bear this out?
- Is it
inculcated by other institutions that shape humans, with primary credit here to
schooling and the Church?
- Or maybe
the so-called “moral spine”, for some less, for some more supple, has some
other origins?
Decency is
indispensably linked and interlaced with other concepts, such as…
-
Conscience, something I would define has a black box which stores a memory of
all misdeeds of a human. The misdeeds are to be a burden for a human, one is
meant to feel bad after a wrong-doing; conscience’s role is to ensure it?
-
Embarrassment, a state of feeling uncomfortably with a situation or one’s own
or someone else’s behaviour. Embarrassment reminds us falling out of generally
accepted norms in several cases should cause us discomfort and would not help
us win respect from other people. Fear of embarrassment might preclude humans
from doing things they would be ashamed of.
- So also
the shame, a strong feeling, causing not just discomfort, but a strong desire
to curl up and die, to erase a situation from one’s own and other people’s
memory. Shame works after the fact, is an unpleasant feeling, yet it proves if
after with hindsight a human realises they had done something bad, shame might
work as a stabiliser of a human psyche.
- Remorse,
having it means feeling guilty for one’s misdeeds, wanting to make up for the
wrong, atone for it, apologise to those hurt by one’s behaviour.
Virtually
all humans are familiar with the concepts attempted to be described above, even
if they would struggle to verbalise them. Yet not all humans are equally
bestowed with decency, sensitivity of human consciences varies from person to
person, different situations evoke feelings of embarrassment or shame, some
people don’t even have remorse, no matter what evil they do. The most extreme
examples are psychopathic murderers who can be involved in manslaughter without
being conscience-stricken, nor feeling remorse and a straightforward child who
sincerely shows their emotions. All of us are somewhere in between and as long
as we fit into “norm”, whenever we behave indecently, we should feel shame and
have remorse, yet intensity of those feelings varies. For some people the
burden might be quite heave, for some easily bearable…
Incidentally,
a quite peculiar distinctive way of dealing with murky affairs by indecent
people is pretending nothing has happened, in situations when in my opinion
they should react to a situation which has taken place (e.g. apologise for
their misbehaviour, etc.)
End
justifies the means. This memorable adage raises the question how far a human
can go, how many rules and limits can break to achieve what they want.
A penny
drops. While I write a
(decent) definition comes to my mind. A decent man never pursues their goals at
the expense of other people. Nail hit in the head?
Now I have
forgotten what I had intended to cover in the previous paragraph, yet I carry
on!
I somehow
envy people who don’t care, who see fewer problems, who are more bold, have no
inhibitions. But is it true indecent people, on account of not being held back
by conscience, etc., have easier lives? Aren’t the indecent disposed to be
privileged, i.e. if they do not have to overcome inhibitions and deal with
potential remorse, their pursuit of goals is less uphill? If they don’t care
whether they hurt (in any facet) other people, if they don’t feel guilty of
living off other people’s back, does it make such persons more likely to climb
ladders of career faster? If it a coincidence most executives in the corporate
world are ruthless beasts?
Finally, is
it possible to switch between levels of decency when you switch between social
roles you perform. I have asked myself this questions repeatedly when I looked
at and listed to my workmates. I suppose they are caring and loving husbands
and fathers, so why the hell at the doorstep of the office they turn into
callous sons of the bitches? I fully appreciate the principle of separating
family and professional lives but does it mean behind the gates to the
corporate shitty world different ethical principles apply and you have green
light to turn into a swine? Do your colleagues deserve less decency than your
family? Your family should be given love and care, while the people you work
with should be given decency, a bare minimum that in the workplace is much
enough! From birth until death we are humans, all social roles only come and
go.
I stare at
my face in the mirror. After twenty seven years in this lousy planet I cannot
pledge not regret any of my deeds, I cannot pledge I have not hurt anyone, I
cannot pledge no one has ever suffered on account of my behaviour, yet as long
as my offences are not serious, I hope as long as I recognise my wrongdoing,
regret it, strive to make up for it and have remorse, people can tell I’m a decent
man.
