We were on
the other side of Vistula, Warsaw…
Girl: So
which level are you taking?
Me: The
third one.
Girl: The
first attempt?
Me: Yes,
and hopefully the last. I come to think regardless of the outcome…
Girl: Will
keep my fingers crossed. I wonder why haven’t I got my act together to pursue
it…
Me: Because
it’s a waste of life…
It was the
first time when I (spontaneously) indirectly admitted kind of regretting to
sacrifice between 1,000 and 1,200 hours of my life poring over the curriculum
and practice exams, while this time could have been spent more productively, I
mean enhancing those realms of life which I neglected to study duly. To answer
whether it was worth it, I would need to know what would have happened
differently, hadn’t I stuck to the self-enforced study regime.
Truth be
told, after the candid conversation quoted above which took place two weeks
before the exam, I felt I was totally running out of fuel. It wasn’t just about
pure laziness or learning fatigue. The crisis involved a question about a
profound rationale for what the life had revolved around. Despite losing heart
for a moment, I didn’t falter and resolved to drown out questions prompted by
one casual talk and do my best to carry the day.
Now it
doesn’t take IQ of 150 to hazard a guess love-life-wise there’s been no
progress over the recent year…
It never
ceases to fuck me up when people tell me what I know, i.e. “find yourself a
girl(friend)”. The sentence sounds as if girls were lying on the streets and I
were refusing to bow down to pick one up. The key reason why such comments
incense me is that I see lots of fantastic girls around, yet they have one
(let’s call it this way) drawback in common – they have boyfriends or husbands.
I may be wrong, but I don’t blame the fate of bad lack, but perceive it as
example of natural selection taking place in the nature. While I was climbing
up the education and career ladders, other males have been chasing the most
valuable females (not in terms of skin-deep beauty, but in terms of traits,
character and other things that are sought and considered when choosing a
lifetime companion), now I see single leftovers which broadly fall into three
categories:
1) wacky
girls scaring most men (including me) off – such as those which I tried to date in 2013 (oddly enough, girl 5 turned out to be really OK and until today we are
good friends, while I have even no idea whether the other five girls are still
alive),
2) single,
far too independent women leading lifestyle totally different than mine, so for
parties any relationship is a no-go-area, since both parties realise this would
be a perfect mismatch,
3) valuable
girls or women, however unsociable, shy, too often to clammed up in their
shells to break out of many years of loneliness.
The very
last group gives a glimmer of hope, yet approaching the unapproachable requires
some determination, patience and care… Hope the hopes have not been dashed.
The
question which quite naturally comes up in this reasoning is where to find that
girl, if girls don’t lie on the street.
1.
Accosting girls which catch a boy’s eye on the street, although some lads dare
to do this, is, as I believe, not the advisable suggestion. It takes a lot of
courage plus you risk being taken as a pervert or a desperate.
2. Getting
to know friends of friends during parties has limited chances of success for
two reasons: 1) number of people who are single declines as they age, 2) the
people you meet are most often same people you have met via your friends along the
way.
3. At work
– I’d spare a thought on this one, might come into play only if your duties
absolutely do not overlap, i.e. you don’t interact professionally. Otherwise
don’t go there (tried out)…
4. Signing
up for a language or other course with a purpose not to learn something, but to
meet someone – saw some examples of people around 30 doing this and I don’t
want to follow that path…
Plus there
are many other occasions when you may run across that person out of the blue.
One such incidence was the nuptials ceremony I attended three weekends ago.
Outside the church I ran across a girl I’d known by sight. I felt like talking
to somebody… Three hours later I was driving her home… After the dialogue
quoted at the top of this post her telephone rang. Her boyfriend was calling to
make sure she was alright, since she’d been supposed to get home some time
earlier. Well, par for the course, to good to be single. Of course, some of you
would argue this situation was not as straightforward as it should have been
and you’d be right. I could also come up with a few comments on the whole
situation, but if silence is golden, let it glitter.
I’ve heard
advice to wait. Some relationships fall apart and this fact could be viewed as
an opportunity. For some reason I see around very few pairs breaking up, so
waiting for such miracle looms as dead-end street.
Only
life-wise…
With
friends I’ve learnt to keep my distance. Overwhelming majority of them are with
their partners for a long time, some have got married, some even have
offspring. Their privacy deserves respect; what was allowed some time ago no
longer applies now. Upshot – loosened friendships, less frequent meetings and
on top some ambiguous situations along the way I wish I had avoided…
At work –
I’m sick of my closest colleagues being from a different planet. I can’t put up
with people who are unsociable and treat fellow people with disdain. Spending
40+ hours per week with guys who you (reciprocally) dislike is unsustainable in
the long term, no matter how much you enjoy what you do at your job.
Oddly
enough, there is one person who I don’t feel affinity with, yet who has given
me food for thought how not to end up. The boss of my boss, woman in her early
40s. Well-travelled, well-read, intelligent, good-looking, single, with no
exorbitant expectations and off-putting attitude towards men, which decrease
her tiny prospects of finding a partner to near zero. Obsessive working during
evenings, weekends and days off are a hideout from emptiness and prospects of solitary
old age. A serious warning to me, do anything not to end up like this…
Recently it
occurred to me nothing I have is truly mine and there is no place where I
actually belong. The missing piece is a sense of stability, a feeling somebody
cares, a little confidence if something good happens, it will last longer than
a moment. Since I finished studies I lived through several moments of
happiness, the only problem they came and went, happiness virtually lacked
sustainability. I could reach and grab it, I could make the most it, yet could
not hold on to it…
Whoever
thinks these are signs of depression, dead wrong you are. Depression is when it
seems to you there’s no point in rolling out of bed. In turn I want to get up
from bed and have more energy and lust for life, yet I miss making use of it in
a way which makes sense, not jumping into the flames out of rush of adrenaline.
Hope the
weather turns for the better. With this heat and humid air we had in Warsaw
last Sunday and this weekend even a bike ride doesn’t give pleasure. This year
my tolerance for heat severely dropped (yesterday and today I broke sweat even
when sitting idle).
Next post
in two weeks (off to Mazury for the next, for me longer, weekend).
5 comments:
Why don't you try online dating?! Everyone's doing it now.
Because I like "real things" and believe some things deserve to be done offline. Building relationships with people, from the earliest phase is one of them. Internet comes in useful to keep up a relationship, not to set it up ;-)
Bartek, you sound like you are in your 50s and life has passed you by...
Seize the day. Find a new passion, hobby, challenge.
Take a photography course, learn ballroom dancing, take an art class get involved in live theatre. Volunteer.
Try something you would never expect to like or do. Take a risk.
Fill yourself with positive energy (attractive to both genders).
You are probably just drained and tired after working full-time and trying to complete those #%^$#%^&$ CFA exams. Relax, have a little fun...a companion will naturally follow. All the good ones are NOT
taken...
Basia
Right-on Basia, squeeze lots of grumbling into a little post... Shame...
Live theatre - I used to be involved in this in my teens. Looks appealing.
Basia's right. People are at their most attractive when they are filled with passion and have the capability to share it - my take on the positive energy she speaks of. Meeting the right person will follow if you can attain this state, at least at times.
You've achieved something really great and maybe you're a bit drained. Go do something with less of an eye on being responsible and planned. Lima, Luang Prabang, Lofoten, Lusaka. Or pick another letter. Go somewhere you never thought you would - it does wonders for the soul. It really helps one reset to a more positive state. (And although it doesn't last as long as one would hope, it helps as an antidote against unpleasant work colleagues for a while.)
Then after you get back, find something you actually _enjoy_ so you can keep the ball rolling.
I'm an engineer, so I know it can be hard to take off the analytical "hat" and cut loose. But if everything is to be planned, rational and controlled, you're going to age quickly. And become dreadfully boring. Taking a language course when you're not interested in the language? Precisely the direction least likely to succeed, in my opinion.
If you come up with something to do, and before you start you find yourself saying "I can't believe I'm doing this," you're on the right track. Good luck.
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