A flat purchased, finally

I actually signalled two weeks ago the long search might be soon over (the flat I had visited in mid-May), but then I didn’t want to put a jinx on it. Actually the last weeks before signing the notarial deed were frenetic and full of situations when I had to tackles obstacles, especially since the seller was anything but sensible and reliable and by the last moment I could not feel sure the deal would pull off.

I became the owner of a one-bedroom (51 sqm) flat with a cellar and a parking lot in an underground garage on Thursday, 23 August. The flat is located in one the most desired buildings in Ursynów (won’t disclose the exact address, but those familiar with the district might recognise the courtyard), the price was more than moderate, less than steep, but even if I have paid over the odds, so far I am sure this has been a good purchase.

The blocks of flat was completed in 1999, so a thorough renovation is due. The previous owner has recently refurbished the living room (17 sqm) and the bedroom (13 sqm), however walls and the ceiling need one more layer of the new paint. Besides, wooden windows call for replacement (new ordered on Friday), same about sills. Kitchen, bathroom, toilet and hall are in need of comprehensive renovation.

So far I have handled most of formalities, my car (WN plates on) and I are registered in Ursynów which means on 4 November 2018 Mr Jaki will find it by one vote harder to win the mayoral stool in Warsaw. My father and I have demolished most of the kitchen and part of the bathroom. The demolition (easy thing, why wait for builders and pay them) will be continued after a plumber visits the dwelling to replace old valves (currently immobilised in “open” position). I find it hard to estimate the date of moving in, but I suppose this will ensue in November (crew of builders to do the major part of renovation not found yet). Currently I am focusing of emptying the flat (OLX comes in useful), but by the next weekend I should develop a concept of furnishing the flat.

Location-wise and layout-wise the flat is nearly perfect. While spending time there on Friday and yesterday I have felt this is a place I belong, at last.

Note now, as a property owner I will not change my mind and begin to assert property prices are bound to rise. My view on imbalances on the property market stays unchanged. In the long

Lessons learnt, love-wise, life-wise

A month and a day after the break-up… I don’t regret and though there moments when I feel lonely, hopes for bright future lift me up, while the dead-end relationship kept bringing me down. As the dust has settled and that stage is over, time to share some (blindingly obvious) notions.

Early weeks of the relationship ought to be ideal, butterflies should fly around your stomach, you should be heads over heels in love. If doubts creep in so early, it does not bode well. In other words failure of such relationship is just a matter of time and the sooner it comes about, the better for both parties involved.

The general tenet in any relationship is to accept your partner they way they are, with all their shortcomings. Love is unconditional, so you cannot state: “Yes, but…” and list conditions under which you will embrace your second half. It is a “shape up or ship out” situation. A piece of advice from me: try to balance good and bad traits of your partner; if the former outweigh the latter, go for it.

The feeling of comfort is absolutely essential in the relationship. You must feel at ease when your partner is around and if for any reason it does not come naturally, this is a serious signal the future of the relationship ought to be thought over.

A sustainable relationship rests on a healthy balance between giving and taking. If the balance is not struck for prolonged period of time on a level of relationship as a whole, the party which gives more than gets is bound to grow frustrated and put their misery to an end.

Never try to act not like yourself to live up to your partner’s expectations. No matter how hard you try, you will sooner of later run out of energy to pretend to be a better version of yourself. Bending over backwards will turn your relationship sour.

Living under one roof is one of two biggest test a relationship is put to (the other is birth of a child). The time when your find yourself in a daily routine, down-to-earth stuff needs to be handled and not only good moments are shared is also usually a time when get to know your partner better… Around such time people tend to cease to make efforts to attract your partner, care less, foster the relationship less…

Foundations of a relationship should be built on similarities, while differences tear the relationship apart. Common ground and similar approach to life increase the probability the relationships get ahead. Differences come in useful if thanks to them partners complement each other, but in terms of “approach to life”, differences do more harm than good.

Out of guilty conscience, because you feel sorry for them, out of fear of loneliness and not finding a better partner and several other… are not reasons to be with somebody. Unless you have children, which complicates things a bit or a lot, if not love keeps you together, time to consider whether to quit… And even you wonder frequently “should I stay or should I go”, the answer is already clear – quit!

In spite of the above, the very decision to break up must not be taken in a rush and ought to be well-thought-out. And before a relationship is terminated, mature partners should attempt to fix it (there are exception to this consideration, such as lie, infidelity, etc.). Plus such decision, when taken and communicated to the partner, is irrevocable!

If you decide to live together, the splitting up is not just a matter of a few words and saying “bye”. In many circumstances you just cannot cut yourself off, which might sound as the best option. We lived in one flat for over two weeks after the break-up. With hindsight, though I was reproached by some people for not packing my suitcases and returning to parents’ house immediately, I believe it was the right course of things. Had I been able to cut it off, I probably would have still wondered whether the decision had been good. But after seeing my ex-girlfriend what she was like for a while, my conviction of making a right move on 18 July 2018 has been strengthened.

Looks like I have broken away, but based on my friends’ and mine observations, I am in the minority of people who have had courage to quit. My recently devised concept, backed by suggestions of other persons is that once you decide to break up to fall off the edge of a slow descent and plunge yourself into the realm of unknown, uncertainty. Inevitably you will find yourself in the doldrums far worse than if stuck in a bad relationship, but to sacrifice today to trade it for a chance you a far better future. 

This is illustrated on the chart to the right (copyrights: Student SGH): the red line represents lasting in a dead-end relationship, the green one, breaking up. Short-term effects look tragic, but in the longer run the braver ones win!

And for the record – I regret nothing what has happened between early 2017 when it started and today and no matter what I have lost, I am better off anyway.

My thanks again to Marcin, Ola, Martyna, Patrycja, Krzysiek, some of my workmates and my parents for keeping me company through that difficult time.

Wrzeciono – the new neighbourhood

What a sigh of relief. The first weekend not spent looking for a flat to rent or not moving. Formalities after the break-up completed, though lots of other stuff play out in the background (more about it in due course), I have found some time yesterday in the afternoon to stroll around the district and snap some pics.

Actually I was wary of renting a place in Wrzeciono (part of Bielany district). For those less familiar with the history of that housing estate – the blocks of flat, including the one have rented a studio (25 square metres) on the photo taken in 1969 to the right, were erected between 1968 and 1973 for workers of Huta Warszawa and were inhabited by those workers and their families. Needless to say the estate has differed much from the “highbrow” Ursynów…

To the right, council housing blocks by ul. Szegedyńska. Formely, those were two hotele robotnicze, purchased by the Warsaw town hall in 2004 and converted into flats for poor families. Some time ago a hotbed of manifold pathologies now is considered a safer place. A Straż Miejska’s outpost is on the ground floor, besides a modern multimedia library and community centre has been opened just round the corner.

Wrzeciono is full of contrasts. Since distances between buildings on housing estates built in the bleak days of communism were larger, new blocks were squeezed among older ones, therefore each new development borders the old one. On top, the distinctive feature of Wrzeciono are numerous rows of terraced garages. Sadly, many are used as clutter boxes, instead of serving as “homes” for cars. Consequently, finding a place to park a car after 8 p.m. on a working week day is a challenge.

Here, I approach ul. Dorycka, the most  infamous part of Wrzeciono. The spot gained notoriety for taking top positions in criminality statistics, for violence, thefts, vandalism, alcoholism, battles, drug trafficking, etc. To the right, the newly built development, Przy Doryckiej. I presume buyers of flats in there (those buying to meet their own housing needs) have little notion of how awful location it is. To the left, Okrąglak, with the customary shop with alcoholic beverages, open 24 hours a day for locals in need…

Back in late 1990s a prudent citizen would not show up here even in broad daylight. Today, one can feel safe, however while passing by an open-air drinking den, I feared taking out a camera to snap the peculiar hangout. I could only snap typical Pan Heniek and Pan Ziutek who have stocked up in Świat Alkoholi.

Having escaped from the underworld, I crossed ul. Kasprowicza and headed south-west past ul. Nocznickiego. Vicinity of the underground station has spurred a lot of new developments between ul. Nocznickiego and ul. Sokratesa. Seemingly, the location and the neighbourhood take one’s fancy. The catch is that a dual carriageway (extension of Trasa Mostu Północnego) that would join S7 expressway will run just next to tram tracks in a few years. Noise and fumes all day round guaranteed. Hint: check the zoning plans before buying a property!

I stroll towards my place through Wawrzyszew. Stawy Brustmanna are the most marvellous part of Bielany I suppose. The park surrounding two ponds, each with a fountain on the middle of it, has been brilliantly revitalised and are a lovely hangout on summer evenings. Sadly, I shall have little time in the coming weeks to enjoy it.

I get closer to home, from ul. Kasprowicza I spot the chimney of former Huta Warszawa. Their sight is far more breath-taking when they are illuminated by setting sun. They remind of one shot of music video to U2’s one (Berlin version)…

Did I ask too much?

More than a lot?

You gave me nothing

Now it’s all I got…

Bielany - a new place to live

Just for the record - after two weeks of attending castings (finding a flat to rent is not a matter of one day, unless you have no expectations and no price ceiling) on Thursday I have finally been chosen to become a tenant. My new, hopefully temporary, place is somewhere between Wawrzyszew and Młociny underground stations. I have transported nearly all my stuff (the last batch today in the evening) to mere 25 square meters in a ten-storey block built in late 1960s, yet cosy and functionally furnished that will be my dwelling until I find my own flat (have two under negotations, oddly enough one is Flat 3 from that post, partly refurbrished, but put up for sale at the same price. Keep fingers crossed.

Tomorrow the chapter will formally be closed, i.e. the contract for the flat we have rented will be signed over to my ex-gf and our common bank account will finally be closed. Then comes the time to enjoy the freedom. Still too early to take a well-balanced look back, but I am convinced this has been the right the decision.

But before this happens, some snaps from the new neighbourhood (next week).