Fatherhood

Since late adolescence I have been sure one day I want to become a father. Not because it is a socially acceptable model, but out of a primeval instinct, probably not to let my genes go to waste.

My mother was 37 and my father was 38 when I was born. In late 1980s that was considered late parenthood. I actually was not their first child. My mother gave birth to a dead infant nearly 4 years before I was born. The age difference has made itself over my entire lifetime, especially in recent years when my parents' health is no longer enviable. I have always wanted to become a father earlier than my father did and the moment draws near. My goal was to bring up children in good health and not to be a burden for them as long as possible.

You could go on about philosophical consideration on the optimum age a male should become a father. Unlike with women, biology allows men to have offspring into an old age (albeit I believe natural erectile dysfunctions work to prevent this), but I don't think deferring the fatherhood, provided you have a younger female to become a mother, is a preferable solution. A slider needs to be set between maturity and ability to provide for a family (the older, the better) and a male's body ability to regenerate and stamina (the younger, the better).

Definitely a birth of a child is a game-changer in life which turns all routines upside down, prompts you to give up for a while on some pastime activities and lose sleep. An infant needs to be looked after 24/7, hence it is a timesuck for parents, but as many of my friends say, also the biggest pride and joy they have had in their lives.

Given the hardship of early years with the offspring might give a hard time, a reliable life companion is crucial. I am still fighting my fear I will be the one who takes care of most things and is burdened with most duties, which is a sort of strange, since such worries are typical for women who statistically less often can count on their partners than the other way round.

Although three paragraphs earlier I mentioned a male's responsibility to ensure financial stability of a family, I am avidly in favour of a modern family model in which partners roughly equally share household and children-related duties.

Currently the biggest pain in the neck of my girlfriend and mine is workload. I have never had to work as much as these days for a prolonged period and never got behind with work despite working 50 - 55 hours a week. When a weekend comes I am exhausted. I need to sort this out before becoming a parent, however have a prospect of a transfer to a different team with the beginning of 2024, with a scope of duties confined to client-related stuff (current I look after a junior analyst and co-ordinate a multinational project on Poland level). Again, I have written this note from the underground train to optimise my time...

Finanse-wise, my current salary is suffient to provide for a family (assuming my girlfriend reduces her wages to mine on account of changing a job to a less time-consuming), with a decent degree of comfort, hence my strategic goal is to save possibly much money for a bigger property and be less burdened by mortgage repayments once children-related expenses appear.

Having written it all, I bear in mind it takes two to tango...