The dust has settled

Nearly four weeks past the break-up… Tenants of my girlfriend found a new dwelling easily, so she could move to her own flat last weekend. This weekend with some help of a friend of mine, who owns a lorry, we are finalising the moving. During three weeks under one roof, quality of our friendly relationship was pathologically good. All tensions have eased, but knowing the mechanics of decreasing expectations and eased pressure, we were not misled and both remain confident our romantic relationship was a dead-end street.

Actually we could have carried on as flatmates, however this would be tremendously insalubrious, as there were plenty of reasons to terminate that relationship and actual decoupling is a vital element of the break-up.

As it happens in such situations, I swing between conflicting feelings, from deep relief to hollowness. As my ex-girlfriend’s belongings were packed into boxes, the flat, chests of drawers, bookcases, wardrobe closets, they have all become underwhelmingly empty. It will take some time and I will take my time to come to terms with it.

In such circumstances most people get involved in doing things to drown out their emotions. New hobbies, taking up doing new sports, workaholism, compulsive shopping, rushing into dating, travels, addictions, catching up or starting out with stuff out of reach when they were in a relationship. It takes some courage to confront with one’s emotions, work them through and emerge wiser as you get past them.

Theoretically, I am single, practically I am still taken, since emotionally I am not ready for a new relationship and get on with myself reasonably well. The coming weeks or months, will be a time of focusing on myself, getting to know myself better, realising what my needs are. I have neglected myself in that relationship a bit, so before I’m back on the market, I need to restore the internal balance.

In the eve of narcissistic psychopath being sworn in

Usually when a populist gets hold of power, their rein turns out to be less scary than predicted. I put this mellowing out down to their strategy of flattering voters with hollow promises and safety valves embedded in democratic systems (unless populists cling to power for years and dismantle civilised institutions as Mr Orban and his cronies have done in Germany). Same might be the case with Donald Trump and my fear of him taking over is combined with some hopes he does screw it up worldwide all along.

In his campaign he promised to proscribe a ceasefire between Russia and Ukraine within 24 hours. Currently his advisors claim a realistic time horizon to bring the war to a halt is between 100 days and 6 months. The longer it takes, the better. Each day of warfare depletes Russia's resources and buys Europe time to prepare for a widespread aggression towards NATO. Nevertheless, Mr Trump will insist on impacting the course of the conflict as thus he will prove his might and powerfulness.

USA's leading role in NATO as a guarantor of western Europe's stability and safety is in question. Europe will be to some extent left to its own devices. Maybe Mr Trump's presidency will be a wake-up call for Europe to get its act together, as simple matters such as shifting to daylight saving time for the entire year are beyond its bureaucrats' decision-making capacity.

Mr Trump's considerations of taking over Canada or having designs on Greenland are so far the biggest red flags. Wladimir Putin, in a television appaerance just before its army invaded Ukraine, denied that Ukraine's right to exist. I believe the redneck president will confine to talking his head off and any conquest of non-US territories will be foiled by international treaties.

The crony of Mr Trump I currently fear more is Elon Musk. Much more brazen and having the grip over the fourth estate, looms as a bigger peril than the elderly redneck. Both guys are psychopathic personalities with lust for power, so I sincerely hope they fall out before long. Even if this happens, separately they will remain harmful.

The paragraph above reminds me of my recent fourth anniversary of joining Twitter, then not controlled by Mr Musk. I use it less frequently, rarely contribute, but have not deleted my account there just to have access to contents smart people still share there. Or should I vote with my legs and give it up altogether, to undermine Musk's empire of evil possibly much?

How not to screw your children’s lives - book review

Can’t recall now how I have come across a series of books by Mikołaj Marcela which dissect imperfections of the Polish schooling system. Past reading some of them, I do not wholeheartedly agree with all of the author’s assertions, yet I find the book valuable.

Familiarising with its content made me realise the current primary and secondary education system is based on principles worked out in Prussia in the first half of the nineteenth century and rests on obedience and discipline. The Prussian government, by imposing common schooling obligation wanted not just to promulgate education, but aimed at bringing up submissive citizens.

As the author points out, the schooling system in Poland and in most countries is uniform, not unique. All pupils, regardless of their unique talents and skills are pushed into ruthless frames of standardisation which kill the lust for knowledge and talent development.

Core deficiencies of Polish schools, nimbly depicted in the book are accurately pinpointed.
1) Agreeably, Polish school do not teach skills that could come in useful in real life. I wonder whether the assumption is that young adults should be taught useful skills at home, or that should learn the hard way the moment life necessitates it.
2) Beyond all doubt, school to not teach how to learn – such techniques need to worked out and mastered by pupils themselves.
3) Sadly the curricula too often favour memorizing facts, instead of focusing on understanding causations and teaching how to seek out information and to verify them (particularly important in the era of fake news).

With some exceptions of outstanding teachers, school classes do not inspire, seldom kick-start talent nurturing, rarely spur curiosity. Pupils are infrequently encouraged to challenge their tutors, to debate with one another. This is all put down to an obsolete model of one-side interactions between teachers and students, with the former passing on knowledge and testing its acquisition and the latter obediently listening and swotting up for tests and exams.

With the diagnosis of all the ailments eating up the Polish schooling one also must keep in mind several obstacles hinder its turnaround. A major reform would require a general consensus between stakeholders (government, teachers, parents) of the current system that it badly needs an overhaul and on directions in which it would need to be reshaped. Besides, if we were to ditch standardisation and treat children individually, it would require more workforce of higher quality, which means much more money (payrolls, but infrastructure too) would need to be injected to the education system. There also ought to be consensus a substantial chunk of public finances should be laid out for the education system, which in decades will determine Polish economy’s competitiveness. Those expenses would certainly pay themselves off.

P.S. On personal front, doing reasonably fine, though with ups and downs typical for such getting-over periods.

When the love runs out

With hindsight, dissimilarities between were so stark that calling ourselves a perfect match would have been a gross exaggeration. As we shook off the fascination and affection of the first months together, ample differences grew apparent, while the power of attraction waned. Facing the daily grind, while living under one roof has accelerated the realisation of the inevitable.

We talked a lot. We had many sincere conversations many couples probably do not have over their lifetime. It has not helped though. For several reasons, including my inhibitions, I was repeating a mistake of holding back speaking out about stuff which annoyed me, thus accumulating my anger.

The very decision to break up was mine, yet my ex-girlfriend, having got over the initial tremor, acceded to it and after a day or two, internalised it. I feared we would spark a hell on earth in my fifty square metres. Instead, we went separate ways peacefully and calmly. Had it happened a few months earlier, we would have fought for it, there would have been screams, shouts and tears. As the romantic feeling between us has definitely and (probably) irreversibly burnt out, we have reconciled with the imminent end.

We could be friends, travel companions, even flatmates (actually we acted like flatmates during the last weeks of our romantic relationship’s agony), but we our approaches to life diverged too much to give us a chance to raise a family. The gap between us was too wide, so even if we would both bend over backwards to go on compromise, each of us would depart from their self.

At times that relationship was toxic, at times unbearable, at times I just felt like quitting it right away. We are both smart, so our common senses told us both it would not just be uphill, it would get very steep. After two years and five months together, even with proper climbing equipment the ascent became an onerous ordeal. That slope became just too steep and rocks fell off it too frequently.

On Friday, after three days of getting on with each other surprisingly well under one roof, my ex-girlfriend set off to Wisła (I will miss stays there), mostly for the sake of consistency with the decision taken and mental hygiene.

There will be ups and downs on our ways to mend the broken hearts. We are now facing the unknown, including the uncertainty if we ever find our life companions.

But before we open ourselves for new opportunities, we will need to go through the logistics of the break-up. Tenants occupying my ex-girlfriend’s flat are deeply disconsolate to have to look out for a new dwelling. In question is our trip to USA rescheduled for April / May 2025, but I believe it is too early to resolve if to go there and who the participants will be.

After weeks or even months of struggling doubts I feel a bliss relief, which only validates it has been the best possible decision (given in such circumstances there are basically no good decisions – this one was “least bad”).