Saturday, 2 October 2010

Internship’s over, back as a student

Actually there was no other solution. I knew there was no vacancy at my Department, so it didn’t matter they wanted to take me on, but they couldn’t. I knew I had to go back to school to take all remaining courses, pass all due exams, write my MA thesis and finish off my studies. I fully realised combining studying and working would be a task I might not be up to. I knew the day of parting with my colleagues would be dejecting, even the weather let me down – gloom and chill have been overwhelming for the past few days and just exacerbated my mood. Right – Thursday, on my way to work, Heaven only knows if for the last time. Will I return there? If so, when?

I bought some sweets for my colleagues (right) to brighten up the gloomy day. I spent it toing and froing between my office and main Warsaw head office located around a mile away from Złote Tarasy (try going there by car, the odometer shows you’ve covered eight kilometres and the journey lasts longer than on foot), trying to obtain all confirmations for my clearance slip (obiegówka) and predictably I haven’t managed to bring it off. Therefore before I return it to the HR Department I still have an entry card to my office and I’ll surely have to visit my colleagues here and there, the time for last farewells is still ahead!

My colleagues probably appreciated my efforts and commitment because they chipped in and bought me a book (right), “The Intelligent Investor” by Benjamin Graham. My supervisor even almost leant over backwards to come by a signature of the acting CEO of my bank under the dedication note. Maybe reading the book will finally convince me to shift from short-term, profit-chasing speculations towards long-term, well-thought-out investments. For sure I should give it a review on PES in a while.

On Monday I have my first classes at school. During three months of long vacation I wrote two subchapters of my MA thesis. Now, despite general, overwhelming numbness I’ll have to get round to writing in earnest, no leniency for myself. Plus yesterday I found out all one of my courses I have to get credit in has disappeared without a trace. Another stumbling block in my education process and another nuisance involving legwork and catching through the red tape. Back to school means also back to greyness, but next year when I graduate something will be over forever, the period, which lots of people call “the most beautiful in man’s life” will be over and so what then? Everything indicates I’ll dive smoothly into the corporate world. Hey, I begin to understand why some of my peers decide to take second studies only to feel younger? Do they do that to have those two diplomas and better chances on the labour market or is it a desperate attempt to extend the carefree years, put back the moment they become adult? I understand but I still steer clear of taking their path.

It has become an unquestionable fact – I have been going through a serious crisis. First symptoms were noticeable back in August, now it appears to be full-blown. Actually I don’t even try to conceal it, but everyone shrugs it off or stares at me with disbelief. Actually from the way I behave (that sense of humour, that self-confidence, etc.) no one can infer I’m afflicted with anything that resembles a crisis. Believe it or not, I’m at the crossroads – either I’ll pick up the pieces and get my act together or I’ll have to rename the blog into “PES without my neighbour’s rottweiler” or something like this. And I don’t know if anyone remembers, but in February 2009 when I became a blogger, I set a rule “nothing personal” for myself. When did I break it for the first time? Has anyone noticed the “unquestionable fact” from the first sentence of this paragraph is called into question by virtually everyone, except me? Next time instead of “you sound more like Pinolona every day”, I’ll find “you sound more like Kaczynski every day” in my comment box.

Observant followers of the Polish-English blogosphere have probably noticed we’ve been in decline for some time now. I suspended my blog in the late-spring exam period, from the beginning of July I set myself a rigid “one post per weekend” rule and I abided by it. In the academic year I’ll be keeping it up. My apologies, I’m too short of time and too busy to take care of my child more frequently. The same problem has affected other blogs – Travels without my spaniel is rarely updated, Scatts is bloody busy, but accepted a “sluggish blogger award”, Polandian has lost its charm – Jamie was moving and didn’t have access to Internet, Scatts and I were too busy to have time and energy to write. Will someone take the place of us?

Sink or swim! Time to get my act together!

4 comments:

Is said...

Steady on, nothing is 'in decline'—you'll precipitate a crisis with talk like that.

Paddy Ney said...

Hi

Perhaps I can introduce myself as a new entrant into the market in response to this epidemic of blogger's block?

http://pozdrowieniazursynowa.blogspot.com/

Patrick

student SGH said...

Howdy Patrick,

always a pleasure to welcome new bloggers!

ut_eagle said...

Has it occurred to you that perhaps God will use this introspection to do something far more amazing in your life than anything you could have dreamed? There is a reason for everything. There's a reason the status quo is disturbing to you. There's a reason Jesus died on the cross, and a reason he didn't stay dead- has anyone else done that?! The gospel of John tells us "Christ came that we may have life, and have it to the full." God is not boring, He's not confined to old church buildings and he's not irrelevant today. Anyone who believes he is, they don't know him or understand him. Read the Bible- it's all right there. Jesus conquered death so that we could be forgiven and therefore experience the power of God in our own lives. God is adventure, he's excitement, he's faithful, he will never forsake or abandon his children, only in Him does the world make perfect sense.
But don't trust me. Trust only what you read for yourself in the Bible.
I read your blogs and I see perfect sense in them. I see that God is stirring in your heart, and I read the comments and see that most people don't get it. Don't let that stop you from finding the truth.