Życie

I generally hold a view if somebody takes decisions, they are not entitled to gripe about the fate these decisions bring. This year-end post will likely be inconsistent with my overall stance. I also realise this note might exude egocentricity. Every human is more or less self-centred and I presume the very self-focus itself is not disturbing, only an excessive degree of is a reason for concern. Some of you may perceive this piece as over-exposing my mindset. Your right. While mine is to decide what to save for posterity and for myself on the blog and thus I’m exercising it, heedless of doubts and inhibitions.

Chaos creeping in…

Twenty past five. I don’t need an alarm clock to wake up precisely on that hour on a working day. Oddly enough my bio-clock has learnt to recognise days of a week. On Saturdays it brings me awake half an hour later and on Sundays around seven. I’m drowsy anyway. After suffering from insomnia last summer, I swing into another extreme. I’m comatose and a perfect dosage of sleep is nine to ten hours, some two hours more than an average adult needs. During the day I happen to be sleepy, but never take a nap. Since early childhood I’ve never been capable of sleeping during the day. Any attempts to fall asleep during the day ended up with either staying awake or a quarter-long snooze leaving me fallen apart, rather than perked up… Maybe it’s because of the weather. Never hurts to find an exogenous (watch out, a difficult word, try to replace it with shorter “external”) factor to put a blame on. Short, dark, gloomy days rarely lift spirits. Oddly enough, this year I don’t feel the end-year blues so characteristic to the period of studying…

Then breakfast and morning toiletry and time to set off to work…

The first stage of my commute is journey by car to park and ride Ursynów. Driving calms me down. This may seem odd to you, as many find this activity stressful. I find the harmony between movements of my limbs and the way the car moves. Behind the wheel I continually strive to strike a balance between dynamic and economical driving. Each move of legs needs to be carefully planned and smoothly made and properly synchronised. No lurching is self-allowed, no abrupt braking (unless warranted by situation on the road) or accelerating as well. Such style of driving greatly increases the comfort of driving and reduces the car’s wear and tear. The car, despite its age, well reciprocates with reliability the way I look after it (no smallest repair since May 2013). I slightly fear the moment it begins to call for cash injections might draw nearer due to frequent longer distances recently covered. Motorway driving wears out a vehicle much less than city driving, but each such trip adds several hundred kilometres to a mileage (still very low, given the age of the car). I actually like taking longer journeys by car, and if someone from the team needs to take it, I come forward. They calm me down…

Work. Five months into the job with the New Factory is I guess too short for authoritative summary. I will write up a comprehensive rundown after one year (i.e. in late July 2015). For the time being I can confine to a conclusion the shake-off period is over and although it’s still uphill, the slope is less steep, and to a conclusion the biggest downside of the change are people and interpersonal relationships at the New Factory. For sure, it’s not a black-and-white world, there are several shades of grey in between and exceptions that prove a rule. In terms of people I have to work with, I miss folks from the Employer. With hindsight however, given the fact the Employer has been put up for sale, the decision to change the job looks at least rational and was the best I could do in those circumstances. Disposal of the Employer by the Wicked Corporation may have twofold consequences. Either the Watchdog will give consent to another market player to take it over and merge with its current business. This will mean much part of the Employer would most likely be wiped out. Alternatively, the Employer will be acquired by a foreign investor willing to get a foothold on the Polish market. If such investor was reasonable (i.e. came from country other than Spain, Portugal, Italy, France, Greece, Russia, United States or from Asia), it could create an interesting opportunity for a comeback… For months to come this will be a daydream and I will have to stick to what I’ve chosen for myself…

Home… Later than most peers I’ve grown up to a stage when I happen to clash with parents. All of us are getting older, tend to do things our own way. My inner call for autonomy gets more audible, hence it is high time I moved out. For some reasons for some parents the moment when a child flies the nest is a shock, for others it’s totally natural. Mine fall into the first category, therefore I’m preparing them for that moment, due in the second half of next year…

If I broach the topic of the family, theme of grandparents naturally crops up. They’d been capable of managing on their own until late July 2014. On 29 July 2014 granny (aged then 88, currently 89) fell over and a small injury has left has almost bed-ridden (fortunately she is capable of walking to the bathroom and back). The aftermath of minor tripping over wouldn’t have been so acute, had it not been for neglected (granny is quite stubborn) for many years osteoporosis. The grandparents still somehow complement one another; granny is mentally still sound (although there are short moments when she drifts away); grandpa (aged 88) is physically quite fit, but dementia seems to be progressing (he has no problem walking to a marketplace to buy food produces, but when he arrives there despite having a list of stuff to buy, he might have problems expressing himself to ask for what he wants to buy). When grandma’s health suddenly deteriorated I thought the end was near, now I see grandparents may carry on like this for years, which does not imply bright prospects. Reaching grand old age brings out joy when it is accompanied by good health, something may grandparents enjoyed mere half a year ago. The main burden of taking care of them falls to my father and his brother. As the only child I thereby appreciate the advantage of having siblings…

Revisiting the topic of work, one of my fears before going there has not materialised, namely one doesn’t have to do overtime as a rule. As in every company operating in competitive environment, there are incidences of keeping late hours, but those are exceptions that prove the rule. This means if I knock on around eight a.m., I’m usually back home around six p.m.

The essential part of evenings during the working week is learning. Back when preparing for Levels I and II, I had a habit of taking the study materials to the office, coming to work before eight and studying until half past eight (in the morning). At the New Factory work kicks off an hour earlier than in most companies in the industry, as a result of which I have no choice but to learn in the evenings. Between 7 and 8 p.m., when I usually sit down and pore over Readings, I’m not as brisk as in the morning, but there’s no alternative. Learning during weekends only is not enough. After passing Level II, there was absolutely no point in putting back taking Level III until precisely non-defined point in future, since such move would diminish my odds of seeing the back of it. The most reasonable course of action was to go ahead and strive to complete the Program in 2015. If I pass and then I earn the Charter, I’ll probably be immensely proud of myself. Before it happens there will be many days when I’ll be swearing like a trooper. I estimate I spent some 330 hours before taking Level I, around 370 before taking Level II and given intricacy of Level III, I will need to commit more than 400 hours to stand a chance to pass Level III. The Program is a genuine time-consumer and requires some sacrifices. Hats down to people who have children and pass consecutive exams. If I don’t pass in June 2015 (not inconceivable), I’ll need to rethink whether value added of retaking the exam would surpass sacrifices…

The (mostly) sedentary lifestyle has began to take its toll on me. Relapsing pains in bottom section of my spine prompted me to get my act together. I took up daily exercising in mid-October and carry on until now, gradually stepping up intensity and load. Saturday’s 40 minutes of swimming and Sunday’s long walks proved insufficient. But a daily dose of physical exercise does well to my body. Has not worked a miracle, but I feel brisker, fitter and pains down my spine have gone away.

In terms of friendships. I foster them and broadly I feel genuinely surrounded by people, but… There are two buts. The first is that more than 90% of my friends either have got married or have partners who can be dubbed would-be spouses. The second but is that all of us spend a lot of time at work and then focus on down-to-earth duties, either objective or self-imposed, meaning it takes some effort to set a time and date suitable for everyone to meet up. As a result the friendships are kept up mostly by the phone and by computer. Not the most preferable way, but better than none.

When it comes to personal life. I confess not to have sought a girlfriend since that plea. It’s not about utterly giving up or losing heart. Desperate lookout is a dead-end street. Besides, before I write it, I know, it’s an idiotically lame excuse, but squeezing a woman into the world in which I don’t feel entirely comfortable, yet I don’t find time to feel emptiness, is a challenge. It’s a lame excuse, because if not now, then when? With time it will only get worse… Fortunately, at least I have a friend with who I can go to cinema or somewhere else, if any of us feels like. She’s two years older, also single. You’d ask why she’s not my girlfriend then. The reason is simple – no chemistry between us. A silly explanation? When I’m beside her I’m not tempted to hug her, hold her hand or kiss her, let alone going to bed. It’s not about her being unattractive. Sometimes the two don’t fit together. That simple and that complicated.

If you’ve had the patience to keep on reading until the last paragraph, most probably you expect a sensible bottom line. No such luck. I won’t turn my life upside down without rhyme and reason. To do so, I’d need a profound rationale… Until 6 June 2015 I don’t expect any revolutionary changes and plan to get by as I do now. By definition this approach is imperfect, yet optimal. By taking some steps rashly I’d risk tearing apart what seems to make sense. And then… Time will tell… Several times I considered finding a job abroad and moving there. I would definitely get by, maybe I would get ahead, but the only problem is that whenever I am abroad, I strongly feel it’s not home (probably nothing unusual). Plus I’d have to start everything from scratch, totally on my own, which on one hand means opened up opportunities, on the other is a stressful experience…