The gender

The Polish language has just one noun (płeć) to distinguish between females and males. The differentiation it brings in corresponds with the English word sex, which pertains to physical characteristics of humans, leaving out the psychological traits typical for either females or males. The concept of gender dwells upon all non-physical aspects of being a woman or a man and in Poland is usually associated with political or ideological debates. Sadly, participants of those discussions rarely touch the concept of what marks out differences between females in males in terms of roles they take, how they (are expected to) behave and what has been instilled in them.

Some roles have been entrusted by nature (e.g. a woman must give birth to a child not a man), some configurations have been precluded by nature (e.g. only people of the opposite sex can become biological parents), some types of behaviours run in the genes or are driven by hormones, but not all. I have taken the trouble to write out a few most vivid dissimilarities between women and men I happen to observe.

Men are straightforward; in the way they communicate, formulate thoughts, interact with other people. If my male friend and I disagree, we have no problems speaking it out, if we find each other’s behaviour unacceptable for some reasons, we share our discomfort with the other one, if we are to bear a grudge, we do it for a short time, since we do not hold off on giving vent to our feelings. Women put their messages between the lines, give hints, send non-verbal signals, which is exciting, but hey… it hampers straightforward communication. And the way women quarrel generally differs from the way men argue, and so I prefer to squabble with men, since it is more… civilised, less emotional and the outcome is predictable.

Women find it easier or have been taught to show emotions openly. For me the utmost evidence is that women are generally allowed (by cultural and social norms) to cry when other people see it, while men are brought up not to shed their tears in public as this is perceived as a sign of weakness. Obviously, you could point out in some situations crying men a natural sight, yet boys over the course of upbringing are taught not to cry and to be less effusive, in terms of showing emotions and talking about them.

Women traditionally have been more inclined to care more about how they look and what they wear. Not long ago a man was expected to be clean, shaved, have his hair combed and look neatly, while a woman needed to devote more time and energy to spruce herself up. Today’s men tend to pay more attention to what they wear and to their overall look. I believe the key difference between approach of females and males is best illustrated by an anecdote about a couple who stare at the contents of their wardrobe. Wife gazes at them and sighs: “nothing to wear, no room to put anything more” (nie ma co włożyć, nie ma gdzie powiesić), while her husband intreats: “don’t throw it away, it’s still good, I’ll we wearing it” (nie wyrzucaj, to jest jeszcze dobre, jeszcze będę w tym chodził).

I am in two minds about this very difference, but statistically, women are more responsible than men. They are less likely to take risky decisions, less often do dangerous things, before making a choice are more likely to think twice and use their imagination to conjure up negative scenarios or anticipate consequences of their behaviour. Responsible approach to life has many aspects and might be hard to define, but if you confront it with carefree attitude, this one is more often represented by males, I guess.

The piece above naturally intertwines with practical approach to life. Whatever you do, you may treat it as a task to complete or make it a feast or source of pleasure. Men who furnish their dwelling are more likely to simply choose finishing materials, fittings and furniture and get the job done; women will focus on each detail, will care which very item is chosen. Men who buy clothes go to a shop, try on, if they fit, pay and walk away; for women shopping venture is an adventure and a ritual. But on the other hand (big) boys are more fond of gadgets and the regularities above do not apply to some purchases, for instance a car – women would rather seek a vehicle with four wheels to be set in motion, while men would focus on what the vehicle has under the bonnet and elsewhere.

Differences between genders, though still noticeable, have faded away over time and conceivably will continue to wane. While I am far from judging gender ideology to be the oracle of evil, I am of the opinion dissimilarities between women and men spice up their relationships and because they keep the flame burning, they ought to be nurtured.