When the love runs out

Musings inspired by an article published this month in one of issues of “Polityka” weekly. Needless to say economic and technological progress has changed interhuman relationships. Economic independence of women which emerged in the 20^th century (unthinkable for millennia before), development of modern forms of communication and several other phenomena have much reshaped the social order which had been in place for ages.

Marriage is no longer a social institution entered more out of reason rather than love, thanks to which living through a life together was easier than on one’s own. Somebody unwilling to raise a family is no longer stigmatised. Individuality and selfishness (i.e. holding one’s own independence, passions and choices superior to give and take being an essential part of any romantic relationship) have taken over.

The article mentions several trends which are plain to see, yet seem rarely explored. Mating rituals in the era of constant lack of time and unlimited possibilities offered by technology have changed and I openly assess they have evolved in the wrong direction. Before dating applications have reached the status of tools to meet new people, one (usually a man) had to take some effort to attract attention of a woman, to ask her out, keep a conversation going during a date.

Online methods of communication take all the burdens off involved parties and let cease a conversation or cut somebody dead at any time. Mismatches are much more frequent than matches and are a natural part of selection – one has to miss several times before they hit, yet dealing with them requires courage and manners. Some time ago one had to stand face to face with somebody and announce them they want to break up.

Today we have several pathological ways of handling interhuman relationships, such as ghosting, which is devastating for one’s psyche (I have been a victim thereof in friendships and romantic relationships, even before smartphones set in, so I can acknowledge it is one of the most painful types of rejection a human can experience). Other practices I have witnessed, yet just upon exploring the topic have learnt they had become widespread enough to be named, are cushioning and benching. Probably there are other forms of playing games in which emotions of persons involved have no value, yet I do fancy exploring them now. Regardless of personal circumstances (which make me vulnerable to them), such practises fill me with disgust (I am too straightforward to feel comfortable playing wicked games).

Getting involved in a romantic relationship involves taking risks, putting trust, sacrificing some part of individuality, relinquishing selfishness, but also coping with uncertainty which is indispensable at early stages of most relationships (at least it had always been like this in my life). People today lack courage and communication skills (these deficiencies afflict both females and males) and this leads to many wasted chances and solitude. Sad, and it cannot be helped.