Last Saturday, while being at loose end at my girlfriend’s mother house, I grabbed a book written by a Spanish psychologist which I’d spotted on a shelf and, with a prospect of finding myself some way of passing time until she does the make-up before setting off for the wedding, read it from cover to cover.
I am not fond of guides, nor any sorts of books which are meant to utterly change your life in the wake of the read. As a person who likes to dive into intricacies, fascinated with complexity of the world, I am unlikely to be convinced to quick fixes or delusive simple solutions.
What particularly does not take my fancy is the notion of carefree life cherished in the book. Carefree moments are essential, but unless you are a selfish hedonist, carefree life appears a detrimental daydream. Besides, it is easy to advise people to abandon all their worries if you are a healthy and wealthy bachelor. Try recommending this to somebody who needs to earn a livelihood and pay for a therapy of their terminally ill child! Even if circumstances are not that dire, life is generally about mundane stuff, punctuated with joyful moments, about obligations towards the nearest and dearest and making compromises to foster relationships.
To avoid an impression that my judgement of the book is one-sided, I have noticed several threads which I see eye to eye with the author.
Life ought to be put into perspective – instead of craving for more, we ought to appreciate what we have and notice others are not lucky enough to enjoy good health, financial comfort, satisfying job, happy relationships etc. Gratitude for little things and delight in little pleasures should fill our lives.
Mental strength is to be honed and developed in all stages of life. Life should not be about fretting and worrying.
Humans should accept the inevitable and learn to live with the prospect of it. If there is anything one can be sure about, it is, except for taxes, one’s own death. The decease is something you should not fear, like all events which you can’t escape. There are, of course, events which you may strive to avert, such as traffic accidents. But fearing them makes no sense as well. Taking precautions does make sense.
A rest is natural state of a human. I believe in a balanced life there should be time for work and for rest. To foster mental health, a human should know how to relax and recharge batteries, so that the working phase is used possibly effectively.
The author also gives valuable hints on talking to people with different views. In Poland, we tend to clash about politics and other stuff which draw divide lines in the society. When a dissenter becomes an enemy, any form of dialogue seems out of reach. Bridging the worlds which are apart is a craft and may help overcome discords within the family or friends.
Moving to the critical look at the book.
Having had an experience with episodes of depression and having gone an extra mile to understand the causes of the illness, I realise a blend of medicines and therapy is essential to cure a person affected by it. The milder the symptoms, the more therapy, the less pills, but in awful cases starting a therapy is impossible without bringing a patient into order with medicines. The author shrugs it off and claims a positive approach to life is sufficient to combat several mental disturbances. Such view is contrary to how evidence-based medicine (these days I am particularly sensitive to all assertions which undermine science) explains causes of mental disturbances and hence harmful. A change in approach is recommendable to grumblers and whiners, but not to mentally ill who need professional medical help.
The author seems to disregard the fact people have different personalities, different sets of traits, different psyches and those differences are innate. A human can decide to work to reshape themselves, but within reasonable limits of “staying yourself”. I realise the ideas of programming consciousness have grown popular recently, yet I remain sceptical towards them.
Two other concepts I find outlandish are that after a romantic relationship ends people can stay best friends (a separate post could be written why I believe this is not the best solution, except for situations when people have children) and that lack of particular skills stems from lack of self-belief in those skills. No, if somebody who lacks talent for driving believes they are a seasoned driver, they may bring misery on innocent people. I am not a talented football player and this does not come from my self-limitation or flawed belief. I just do not need to play football well to be happy and should not be ashamed of this. But overcoming my self-critical judgement to free up my potential to become a master on a football pitch sounds like a ridiculous idea.
All in all, the read of the book which had come into my hands accidentally was quite daunting. After a few months of reading-wise laziness, I am about to catch up. Several books ordered online in a local library and await my attention.
No comments:
Post a Comment