Half-year health musings

Exactly six months have elapsed since the biggest health crisis in my lifetime. I am now far from despair of being immobilised, yet still not being truly fit, which might never be the case, given irreversible nature of spine devastation.

I have recently learnt a new adage: healthy people have several quandaries, while ailing people have only one quandary. It brilliantly illustrates how problems with health might turn lives upside down.

A new chapter of my tribulations opened up in January. In early phase I put it down to break-up-related stress, yet then a penny dropped and I went to have an MRI done and consult my doctor, as some symptoms, such as atypical pain during and after lying on my back (a position which ought to give relief to spine) seemed upsetting. Currently I am in process of being diagnosed if I am in an early phase of ankylosing spondylitis (in simple words, a protracted inflammation of spine joints). I believe the likelihood of being affected by this disease is below 50%, yet if indeed it gripped me, a therapy to prevent its development will be put in place swiftly.

I try to remain optimistic, despite having it uphill in recent months. I revert to gratitude for what is still within my reach and for financial resources coming in useful and shy away from negativity and focusing on what has been taken away from me. Back single I should cycle, run, take up new things and generally live it up. Instead, I am redefining myself without dopamine produced during physical exercise.

The new wave of pain, less acute, yet disturbing coincides with reading this international bestseller. In his lengthy book, the author points out long-lasting stress or traumas contribute to most autoimmunological diseases, including cancer. Suppressed emotions remain in a body, accumulate and after a tipping point is reach, the body begins to destroy itself. The book contains stories of people who neglected themselves to take care of others and likely paid a price of ruined health. Despite approaching it with a bit of scepticism, I acknowledge scientifically the theory holds water and has provoked me to revise if my benevolence to the world is not excessive.

The memories of being bed-ridden in September 2024 haunt me frequently these days. I consider myself to be a rational man, however wonder if the timing of my ailment was not haphazard. Maybe thus the fate has prevented me from popping a question and brought forward the inevitable break-up of the dead-end relationship? Maybe the stiffness in my lumbar spine, hips and several other parts of my body is a wake-up call to take care of myself?