Malady as an experience

As I continue to slowly recover, the time is now to dissect what I have been going through as an experience. Although I had to deal with health problems of my parents and grandparents closely, an onlooker's perspective is not comparable to becoming "temporarily disabled", as there was a short moment (only a few hours) when my mobility was more reduced than of a person on a wheelchair.

I strive not to take things for granted. Whenever I (used to) sit behind the wheel I realise I run a risk of being a victim of a traffic accident. I could imagine being immobilised as a result of an accident or a sudden event, but being bed-ridden by a slowly progressing illness was well-beyond my imagination. Lesson learnt - do not take anything for granted.

A malady shrinks your universe. Cycling around Czech Republic in August, canoeing in July, foray to the seaside in June, hiking in May, weekend in Kraków in April. All out of reach even today. At the worst moment a walk to the toilet was a journey of my life. On Thursday I endured relatively well a trip to Wola to a doctor which was quite something.

Being partly immobilised also means reliance on other people even in the basic activities such as dressing up. With hindsight I was lucky to be able to use a toilet or to take a shower on my own, however managing that myself was tiresome as hell.

Switching from the state of being fit and healthy towards an ailment which at its nadir involved intensity of pain which did not allow me to move without screaming out loud was an experience on the verge of being beyond my comprehension.

Coping with pain was another tough lesson. Lying and not straining the spine is indispensable in process of alleviating the inflammation. But for various reasons you cannot lie down 100% of the time, as it would do more harm than good. But if you move, you need to do it carefully, as one reckless move can leave you still in an awkward position, while your neighbours would be wondering why the damn you are screaming a blue murder.

Being sick teaches also patience. In the past, as an adult, I had never been sick for more than a few days. This time, after being a week spent mostly in bed, I realised getting back to normalcy would be a matter of weeks and an upside scenario is that this lousy episode ends by late October. Trying to accelerate the recovery could mean taking several steps back on that path so slowly does it.

Suffering reminds how little sometimes it takes to bring out happiness. I cherished the moment I could walk around the house on my own, the first night when pain's waning intensity let me sleep full seven hours, the first half-a-mile walk. I still somewhat envy people who can ride a bike, run or just sit for more than half an hour, but I believe in a few weeks I will rejoin them.

When confronted with the malady, worries of a healthy man's ordinary life recede into the background. What still mattered was money, as in my situation I could not count on a national health service, while high-class services do cost a lot of money. Money does not bring happiness, but certainly helps.

The last observation is that karma returns. In the last years I did my best to help people in need. I have done it disinterestedly, yet frankly speaking it has paid back.

Once you have reached the end of this post, I call you on feeling gratitude for what you have. The formative experience I have been going through is what I would not wish on anybody.