A try at translation (Objazdowe nieme kino)

English used to be passion several years ago. With time, my focus on its usage evolved into purely practical. Time to go back to basics and check out how I can crack down on song lyrics.

A reminder for those unaware: English is my second language, with my command thereof honed mostly on my own (I have never lived in a country where English is an official language).

Nie pytaj mnie, wiem tyle co i ty / Don't ask me now, I know as much as you
Poganiam dzień i nie śni mi się nic / I pass the time and let my dreams fall through
Już siebie znam, znam z bliska słowo lęk / I know my fears, they drift throughout my mind
Wiem, że ja sam chcę dać oszukać się / I'll let them fool, I'll let them fool me hard.

Piekący ból rozwierca każdą myśl / A searing pain is killing me inside
Ja będę zdrów z pewnością lecz nie dziś / I will pull through, far later than tonight
Skurczony świat, nie większy niż ta pięść / The world has shrunk, no larger than my fist
Na piersiach siadł i oddech mi się rwie / Laid on my breast and does not let me breathe

Zamykam strach na niewidzialny klucz / The fear locked up, the key invisible
I moja twarz jest niewidzialna już / While my own face gets unapproachable
Gdy wchodzę w tłum, pułapka szczerzy kły / Walk in the crowd, a trap is scaring me
I z ust do ust nie frunie żaden krzyk / While lips to lips, no scream flies in between

Śmiertelny mur skutecznie dzieli nas / A dreadful wall is tearing us apart
Ja mam swój mózg, ty też swój rozum masz / I've got my wits, wisdom is all you've got
Nie pytaj mnie, wiem tyle co i ty / Don't ask me now, I know as much as you
Poganiam dzień i nie śni mi się nic / I pass the time and let my dreams fall through

Zostańmy tak, ja tutaj, a ty tam / Our worlds apart, no spark, no chilling thrill
Tak długo jak to nieme kino trwa / Until the end of poignant silent film
Nie proście nas, by wam do tańca grać / No song and dance, our spirits barely weep
Już czas, już czas myć zęby i iść spać / The time is up, wash teeth and fall asleep

Oddly enough, I did the above within 40 minutes, while riding an underground train and (needless to say) not aided by AI, nor even any dictionary.

The original song can be listened here:

Stronie Śląskie and around

Had to attend in person a workshop in our office in Wrocław last Monday. Its timing coincided with the second part of spell of warm autumn. With some tribulations along the way, I eventually took the rest the working week off and headed from Wrocław directly to Stronie Śląskie in Kotlina Kłodzka, a venue chosen deliberately, since the town was severely flooded in September 2024. Also my accommodation was a small hotel partly destroyed by the floodwater, a token of belated support for a business wreaked by cruel forces of nature.

On the first day I took a hiking trip to Śnieżnik. Not a superb route, nor views from the summit, must I say. Besides, trail signage was missing or flawed in some spots, hence I lost my way three times. Upshot: 37 kilometres marched, with elevation gain of 1,159 metres. I can still feel it in my muscles and feet, but the spine endured it perfectly.

On my way back to the lodgings, I pass by the dam which burst on 15 September 2024, causing rainwaters accumulated in a reservoir behind it to violently wash away a central part of Stronie Śląskie. More than two years since the disastrous event, it has not been repaired.

On the second day I set off to the other end of Kotlina Kłodzka to roam around Park Narodowy Gór Stołowych. The forecasters got it wrong in terms of sunshine, but temperature above +15C was perfect for hiking. The rock formation to the right is Szczeliniec Wielki.

The very Szczeliniec and Błędne Skały trails are a kind of demanding and I wonder why tickets are sold to elderly or obese people. I had no problems going through most hardcore (the one to the right is a light one) passages, but it takes some fitness and slimness.

On the same day to Kłodzko for a late lunch and to amble around town. Its market square is typical for lower Silesian municipalities – post-German architecture mixed with blocks built in 1980s or 1990s. Eclectic, though with debatable charm.

A photo which takes me back to 1970s, when the office building of Violetta glassworks was erected. The very factory went bankrupt in 2018, in 2019 its facilities were dismantled, but this edifice stands still and overlooks Stronie Śląskie.

Ulica Nadbrzeżna in Stronie Śląskie was the most damaged during the flood. Two years later, it is rebuilt, but weeds overgrow the spot where a small shopping mall used to be. Almost not a living soul around.

This is how some houses in Stronie Śląskie still look like more than two years past the disaster. The bare bricks indicate how high the flood wave was. Locals have no choice, but to carry on.

The back gardens of some properties inundated in 2024 still contain traces or remnants of what was destroyed then. I wonder why the heaps have not been cleaned up. Is it a matter of money or another tragedy, such as mental breakdown?

On the third day I popped in on Lądek Zdrój. The town seemed dreadfully desolated, with few people or cars on its streets. The only noises were made by construction machines, since the town is still being rebuilt after the flood. I wonder if the house on the river bank is inhabited. I hope not, but would not be surprised, if somebody still lived inside.

The post-German housing in the centre of the town brings out a depressing mood. Out there, people definitely reside, as signs (flowerpots, laundry hung out to dry) of life are evident. Towns like this will be slowly dying out.

Waiting for brighter days

Blogging might also be about saving my state of mind for posterity and for myself. This applies also one’s mental and physical health. Besides, writing might be about taking a burden off one’s chest, giving some relief in despondency.

With the black dog barking in my head I strive to pursue a normal life. Getting up from bed, going to work, socialising, doing sports, not letting this shitty pest overcome you, although it tries hard. As I am writing this, I realise those who haven’t experienced it, are unlikely to be sympathetic. If a fever or a physical pain causes difficulties in functioning it seems natural, but when a mental pain, caused by a defunct brain, plays havoc with you, it is harder to grasp.

Self-awareness raised over years of struggling the depression is paying off now. I see several upsides. I have no s*****e thoughts, I have no feeling of guilt, my self-esteem is intact. I realise pessimism in my head is about flawed chemistry in my brain and once medicines begin to work, my spirits will be somewhat lifted.

Talking about pharmaceuticals, I have taken up a full (though lowest therapeutic) dose since 23 September, hence it is too early to talk about any outcomes (they should appear after 2 – 6 weeks, provided they work this time and the dosage is sufficient). Fortunately, dryness in my mouth is the only major side effect.

Waking up early, i.e. around 3:00 or 4:00 a.m. and inability to fall asleep again is exhaustive at the moment and once I begin to sleep more restfully, both body and mind should revive.

Anxiety keeps me company from the very moment of waking up. It wanes after I get up, but then fluctuates over the day. Sometimes basic activities trigger fear, which I realise is unjustified and needs to be fought over.

The feeling of meaninglessness does not let go and most probably will not ease off for a while. Questions such as: “what for?” (“po co?”), “and so what then?” (“no i co z tego?”) or assertion “it makes no sense anyway” (“to i tak bez sensu”) keep me company nearly all time round. Nevertheless I do things despite them. I try to rationalise it and tell myself I’m better off with doing things rather than refraining from them, but it sparks little forward-looking optimism.

Doing my bit for a while does not seem sufficient to find my self-fulfilment, therefore I aim to get by for a while and not pressure myself to "get my act together" too quickly. The “prolonged sadness” will be endured, with some fortitude, but also a proper dose of leniency towards myself.