Last days
of the year, a short, idle period between Christmas and New Year’s Day (or even
Epiphany). Days, when world nearly comes into a standstill; days when slower
pace of life provokes one to look back into the passing year and (maybe more
often) to make resolutions for the coming year. Customarily, we wish one
another that the coming year is better than the passing and usually we think it
would not take that much to make the wish come true. In fact, as a matter of
principle, we under-appreciate positive developments from the past and
over-estimate importance of those negative. Fair assessment of what we have
lived through is generally hindered by our selective memories. Actually, 2015
was a year of ups and downs for me, yet as it comes to an end, positive outlook
for 2016 brightens me up ;-)
The ups and
downs pertain mostly to private life. I have (and dare to claim) successfully
tried to temper the magnitude of both ups and downs, with lifting myself from
being closer to the bottom being a far bigger challenge. I have made a
tremendous work to get hold of myself from the “post-CFA blues” and break away
from the life focused on merely getting by. This took me three summer months,
the months, truth be told, I effectively wasted, genuinely doing nothing than
carrying on. I functioned yet not lived. Then came the turning point. I signed
up for dance classes (and continue trainings, though I sometimes have to bend
over backwards not to stay overtime in the office) and want to develop this pastime
activity in 2016. I also find no excuses for socialising, whatever opportunity
comes up and no matter how tired or reluctant to meet people (both states
sometimes inevitable in the daily grind) I am, I grab it. A human becomes a
human only among humans, that is why interacting with people (in most
situations) brings out positive energy in us. This all has instilled more
self-confidence in me. You, as some of my friends, would probably argue, I had
not needed my self-confidence to be boosted. This is kind of misleading, since
what you see outside does not need to reflect what goes on inside.
In terms of
work, I started off into 2015 with serious doubts whether changing a job had
been a good move. With hindsight, I wrote that post shortly before settling
down in the New Factory. First six months in the new company are about finding
your ways around it, the next half-year period is for laying foundations of
your position in the company, after one year, you begin to thrive and your
credentials get reinforced. This timeline reflects my experiences from both The
Employer and The New Factory. As of November I was relocated and assigned more
duties and ended up working 60+ hours per week. The workload somewhat eased in
early December (meaning I spent weekends without the company computer), but for
instance I had to spend the whole evening on 23 December, well into the
Christmas Eve, “saving the day” and with swear words flowing from my mouth (how
foul-mouthed I have become over 2015). The blend of time pressure, stress and
encroaching on private life my job offers me sometimes makes me want to
literally yell. More and more often I wonder where this whole craze is leading
me and what the benefit and the sense for me in it is. A friend to whom I
talked on Wednesday (taking a break from “saving the day”) told me I am at the
moment of deciding whether I make do with what I have (and rest on laurels with
what I have achieved so far) and should ease up or I want to aim higher and
carry on shining bright and patiently waiting to reap what I am sowing. The
conclusion is basically wise and up-to-the-point, but the other question is who
the reward comes to…
The
noteworthy affair in 2015 was passing the third level of the exam and being
awarded the Charter (along with other 78 other professionals from Poland who
earned the Charter in 2015). To make a sincere confession, self-pride is mixed
with regret. The fortnight before the exam was a nightmare. I got up every
single day wanting to scream until my throat could not give any voice, wanting
to burst into tears which could not flow from my eyes. And then, counting down
days until 6 June, I fought battles not only against exam preparations, but
also against my frail psyche. I did well on the exam (I consider it a miracle),
but the price to pay was high. I am now a Charterholder and realise had I given
up along the way, I would be angry with myself, the scenario worse than what I
have gone through, since except for track record of roughly 1,000 hours spent
on learning, I at least enjoy some kind of self-esteem. Against my own demons,
I have carried the day.
The saddest
moment of the year was my grandma’s departure in March. At the very beginning
of the year we all knew it was unlikely should would celebrate her 90th
birthday in November. The very passing away actually brought relief to us,
since grandma was slowly dying for two weeks and her suffering lasted
unbearably long.
In the last
quarter of the year, I began looking for a flat. One day in January I will try
to write more on this, but the search resembles now my effort to find a new job
taken in November 2013. This was the moment I knew I was bound to do something
unless I wanted to go bonkers or totally burn out with The Employer. I had in
mind a hasty and quick job change only to break out of the endurable workplace
did not make much sense. Also spending roughly an equivalent of one’s four-year
after-tax salary (on a relatively illiquid asset) requires some care. With the
job change the outcome was that in the sixth month of fruitless search, the
offer from the New Factory came up and both the New Factory and I were
committed within seven business days from the first contact. I guess same will
happen about the flat, when an opportunity comes up.
And far in
the background… We have witnessed a makeover of Polish political arena. We have the new president and the new government, with outright majority of one party in
the parliament, making extensive use of unfettered hold of power. Millions of
Poles wholeheartedly support the radical agenda (and steps) of the new
government, millions of Poles silently or outspokenly object it. I am more and
more tempted join people who take to the streets and get involved in the
politics (although for the same reasons why I conceal my identity as a blogger,
I should hold back). 2016 will be a year full of twists of actions in the
politics. I doubt it brings early election. PiS will not repeat the mistake
from 2007 when they thought the early termination of parliament term and
brought forward election would reinforce their rule. Now, without the burden of
any coalitional partner, they are likely to wield power until 2019. Unless the
civic discontent, brought about by all-out assault on democratic institutions
and going back on pre-election promises, gets so intense that it overthrows the
PiS government. But even if so, what then?
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