Sunday 18 February 2018

Learning to live together

Spent the last two weekends roaming around Poland. Over the first weekend of February I ventured south to meet my would-be in-laws, a week ago into Mazury, to take delight in wintery landscape of the lakes area in the low season. For technical reasons, I will catch up with the photo coverage somewhat later, at best in a week J

The common denominator of the last weeks were ups and downs of living under one roof with my better half. Both of us had never had a chance to get accustomed to cohabit with a life companion under one roof, therefore such major change has been a sort of stressful for both of us. Living together is mainly about fighting some of one’s habits and accepting some of your partner’s habits, where both sides should find some areas where they decide to give in and others where they insist to hold on to what they are used to.

For many couples a common dwelling is not just a turning point that marks moving a level up, but also the end of so-called bed of roses. This regularity pertains mainly to couples whose dating prior to living together confined to going out, spending time together, but without sharing down-to-earth duties. This is unfortunately what daily life is all about and what has brought to an end the carefree periods of my friends’ relationships (they all hark back to times before finding themselves with their life companions under one roof). I need to confess the process of moving and early days in “our = rented” flat have been quite smooth and painless. We both displayed a lot of patience towards each other and held back our emotions for several occasions. The first days went without a major spat, however a few more serious, frank talks turned out to be essential to sort some things out and clear the atmosphere.

I cannot say I am disillusioned, but I am slowly coming to terms with abandoning my dreams of an ideal relationship. Every human, inevitably, has drawbacks, and while spending lots of time with somebody you care for, clashes are inexorable as well. It only takes good manners and lots of composure not to lose one’s temper and to stand up to what you believe, balancing this with a proper dose of respect to your partner and their autonomy. Whenever a crisis hits me, I recall my better half has accepted my several shortcomings and puts up with me which is not easy; this gives me more strength and patience to cope with her idiosyncrasies.

For the time being the biggest challenge are eating habits. My better half is a vegetarian, not a hard-line one, meaning she does not accuse everyone around eating meat of contributing to killing what once has been alive, but as she declares, she had never ever had a single gram of meat (nor fish) in her mouth, while I, in order not to stay hungry, need regular intake of nutrients with animal proteins and I am unwilling to give up on it. For a while it is not a big concern (though cooking a lunch we would both eat is impossible, which makes me kind of sad, in the light of my new resolution to learn to cook after entering this new stage), yet many people have advised me to think it over how it all would look when she gets pregnant and children are born. Coercing would not work (or would rather have the opposite effect), convincing somebody who is very sensitive to any conversation on the topic of their eating habits (after hearing regularly she was weird on account of refusing to eat meat at all) could also work like a red rag to a bull. I can only tell myself nutrition habits and not a fundamental part of relationship and definitely should not become a deciding factor when choosing a life companion (which oddly enough is not as obvious, after I met many people who would declare they would not accept a partner who does not eat meat “as normal humans do”). By the way it gets to the worst, while you are influenced by opinions expressed by several people around to such extent that you fail to distinguish whether your view is your own one of shaped by influencers who whisper beliefs into your ears.

Besides, worth noting this weekend marks the ninth anniversary of blogging. My activity here has been on the wane for a while, yet I have my goal of keeping up the job for one year on, to reach the milestone of round decade of roughly regular writing. Most bloggers from once buoyant English-Polish blogosphere have dropped off quite long ago, so maybe instead of griping about my malperformance I should rather take pride in relatively long record of blogging.

No comments: