A try at translation (Objazdowe nieme kino)

English used to be passion several years ago. With time, my focus on its usage evolved into purely practical. Time to go back to basics and check out how I can crack down on song lyrics.

A reminder for those unaware: English is my second language, with my command thereof honed mostly on my own (I have never lived in a country where English is an official language).

Nie pytaj mnie, wiem tyle co i ty / Don't ask me now, I know as much as you
Poganiam dzień i nie śni mi się nic / I pass the time and let my dreams fall through
Już siebie znam, znam z bliska słowo lęk / I know my fears, they drift throughout my mind
Wiem, że ja sam chcę dać oszukać się / I'll let them fool, I'll let them fool me hard.

Piekący ból rozwierca każdą myśl / A searing pain is killing me inside
Ja będę zdrów z pewnością lecz nie dziś / I will pull through, far later than tonight
Skurczony świat, nie większy niż ta pięść / The world has shrunk, no larger than my fist
Na piersiach siadł i oddech mi się rwie / Laid on my breast and does not let me breathe

Zamykam strach na niewidzialny klucz / The fear locked up, the key invisible
I moja twarz jest niewidzialna już / While my own face gets unapproachable
Gdy wchodzę w tłum, pułapka szczerzy kły / Walk in the crowd, a trap is scaring me
I z ust do ust nie frunie żaden krzyk / While lips to lips, no scream flies in between

Śmiertelny mur skutecznie dzieli nas / A dreadful wall is tearing us apart
Ja mam swój mózg, ty też swój rozum masz / I've got my wits, wisdom is all you've got
Nie pytaj mnie, wiem tyle co i ty / Don't ask me now, I know as much as you
Poganiam dzień i nie śni mi się nic / I pass the time and let my dreams fall through

Zostańmy tak, ja tutaj, a ty tam / Our worlds apart, no spark, no chilling thrill
Tak długo jak to nieme kino trwa / Until the end of poignant silent film
Nie proście nas, by wam do tańca grać / No song and dance, our spirits barely weep
Już czas, już czas myć zęby i iść spać / The time is up, wash teeth and fall asleep

Oddly enough, I did the above within 40 minutes, while riding an underground train and (needless to say) not aided by AI, nor even any dictionary.

The original song can be listened here:

Stronie Śląskie and around

Had to attend in person a workshop in our office in Wrocław last Monday. Its timing coincided with the second part of spell of warm autumn. With some tribulations along the way, I eventually took the rest the working week off and headed from Wrocław directly to Stronie Śląskie in Kotlina Kłodzka, a venue chosen deliberately, since the town was severely flooded in September 2024. Also my accommodation was a small hotel partly destroyed by the floodwater, a token of belated support for a business wreaked by cruel forces of nature.

On the first day I took a hiking trip to Śnieżnik. Not a superb route, nor views from the summit, must I say. Besides, trail signage was missing or flawed in some spots, hence I lost my way three times. Upshot: 37 kilometres marched, with elevation gain of 1,159 metres. I can still feel it in my muscles and feet, but the spine endured it perfectly.

On my way back to the lodgings, I pass by the dam which burst on 15 September 2024, causing rainwaters accumulated in a reservoir behind it to violently wash away a central part of Stronie Śląskie. More than two years since the disastrous event, it has not been repaired.

On the second day I set off to the other end of Kotlina Kłodzka to roam around Park Narodowy Gór Stołowych. The forecasters got it wrong in terms of sunshine, but temperature above +15C was perfect for hiking. The rock formation to the right is Szczeliniec Wielki.

The very Szczeliniec and Błędne Skały trails are a kind of demanding and I wonder why tickets are sold to elderly or obese people. I had no problems going through most hardcore (the one to the right is a light one) passages, but it takes some fitness and slimness.

On the same day to Kłodzko for a late lunch and to amble around town. Its market square is typical for lower Silesian municipalities – post-German architecture mixed with blocks built in 1980s or 1990s. Eclectic, though with debatable charm.

A photo which takes me back to 1970s, when the office building of Violetta glassworks was erected. The very factory went bankrupt in 2018, in 2019 its facilities were dismantled, but this edifice stands still and overlooks Stronie Śląskie.

Ulica Nadbrzeżna in Stronie Śląskie was the most damaged during the flood. Two years later, it is rebuilt, but weeds overgrow the spot where a small shopping mall used to be. Almost not a living soul around.

This is how some houses in Stronie Śląskie still look like more than two years past the disaster. The bare bricks indicate how high the flood wave was. Locals have no choice, but to carry on.

The back gardens of some properties inundated in 2024 still contain traces or remnants of what was destroyed then. I wonder why the heaps have not been cleaned up. Is it a matter of money or another tragedy, such as mental breakdown?

On the third day I popped in on Lądek Zdrój. The town seemed dreadfully desolated, with few people or cars on its streets. The only noises were made by construction machines, since the town is still being rebuilt after the flood. I wonder if the house on the river bank is inhabited. I hope not, but would not be surprised, if somebody still lived inside.

The post-German housing in the centre of the town brings out a depressing mood. Out there, people definitely reside, as signs (flowerpots, laundry hung out to dry) of life are evident. Towns like this will be slowly dying out.

Waiting for brighter days

Blogging might also be about saving my state of mind for posterity and for myself. This applies also one’s mental and physical health. Besides, writing might be about taking a burden off one’s chest, giving some relief in despondency.

With the black dog barking in my head I strive to pursue a normal life. Getting up from bed, going to work, socialising, doing sports, not letting this shitty pest overcome you, although it tries hard. As I am writing this, I realise those who haven’t experienced it, are unlikely to be sympathetic. If a fever or a physical pain causes difficulties in functioning it seems natural, but when a mental pain, caused by a defunct brain, plays havoc with you, it is harder to grasp.

Self-awareness raised over years of struggling the depression is paying off now. I see several upsides. I have no s*****e thoughts, I have no feeling of guilt, my self-esteem is intact. I realise pessimism in my head is about flawed chemistry in my brain and once medicines begin to work, my spirits will be somewhat lifted.

Talking about pharmaceuticals, I have taken up a full (though lowest therapeutic) dose since 23 September, hence it is too early to talk about any outcomes (they should appear after 2 – 6 weeks, provided they work this time and the dosage is sufficient). Fortunately, dryness in my mouth is the only major side effect.

Waking up early, i.e. around 3:00 or 4:00 a.m. and inability to fall asleep again is exhaustive at the moment and once I begin to sleep more restfully, both body and mind should revive.

Anxiety keeps me company from the very moment of waking up. It wanes after I get up, but then fluctuates over the day. Sometimes basic activities trigger fear, which I realise is unjustified and needs to be fought over.

The feeling of meaninglessness does not let go and most probably will not ease off for a while. Questions such as: “what for?” (“po co?”), “and so what then?” (“no i co z tego?”) or assertion “it makes no sense anyway” (“to i tak bez sensu”) keep me company nearly all time round. Nevertheless I do things despite them. I try to rationalise it and tell myself I’m better off with doing things rather than refraining from them, but it sparks little forward-looking optimism.

Doing my bit for a while does not seem sufficient to find my self-fulfilment, therefore I aim to get by for a while and not pressure myself to "get my act together" too quickly. The “prolonged sadness” will be endured, with some fortitude, but also a proper dose of leniency towards myself.

War knocking at our doors?

The full-scale war in Ukraine has gone on for 4 years 7 months, longer than anyone would predict and despite some tepid peace talks under way and intermittent ceasefires, the end thereof does not even loom on the horizon. The warfare is getting more cruel, on both sides, with Kiev being repeatedly hit by missiles, drones and rockets reaching targets in least (so far) affected western parts of the country. On the other hand for several months Ukraine has destroyed a large part of Russia's oil refining capacities, military plants and logistics infrastructure. Civilian buildings were occasionally struck too. Serves them right! The oncoming winter is likely to be an opportunity window to the tsar to bring the Ukraine to its knees, if Ukrainian energy and heating infrastructure are wiped off. This has already nearly happened last winter, but it does not mean Ukrainian cities will be able to withstand it infinitely.

Over the recent weeks one could hear warnings of NATO being put to the test. Russia will not hazard a full-scale war, but a limited intrusion, drone attacks, terrorist raids or false-flag operations are likely. Baltic countries are at most risk and they signal far-reaching preparations for some form of military aggression. The rhetorics "we know what you're into" foils Russia's plans and serves as a deterrent. But if Putin is wholeheartedly determined to mess with NATO, he will.

In Poland we won't see Russian tanks on the streets nor airplanes in the sky. But Russian drones hitting logistics hubs through which military equipment to Ukraine is transported, energy infrastructure or paralysing airports are not beyond imagination. So conceivable appears an attempt to hit two Warsaw's heating plants in the middle of a frosty winter.

The progress in military technology, i.e. the widespread use of drones has shot up and countries which do not continuously develop their technologies and don't test them on a battlefield, are doomed to lag behind. During peace, there is no chance to catch up with countries involved in warfare. For such reason I believe Poland and other NATO countries are not adequately prepared for a drone attack. If hundreds of drones are sent over Poland, I don't believe all of them will be intercepted or shot down, regardless of resources harnessed and costs borne.

Will NATO react if its territory is attacked? Stance of the USA remains a big question mark (although last week they deployed additional soldiers in Baltic countries). This month also the Slovak prime minister ruled out participation of his country's army in a plausible defence operation. Russia aims to render the NATO article 5 void, hence if Baltic countries are attacked, I am certain the Polish army should meet its obligations and take part in fending off the invader.

Gone are the times of peace. To boost odds of living in peace, we must get ready for a war and pay for it. Residents of south-eastern Poland are woken up by air raid sirens on most days. This sadly means one day when things get really nasty, they might shrug it off. One day we might face a blackout. One day we might run into a basement to find shelter. One day the Warsaw underground trains (I ride one while writing this) might become a target of terrorists. We live in turbulent times and need to get on with this.