Will we ever take in death?

Birth is a miracle. Actually the very act of conception is a miracle, the very fact that a new life is created and developed almost out of nothing. Just two cells brought together can produce a new human being. There is one causation of why people are born, but they die for thousands reasons. We never know when and how we will pass away, who will survive us and who will depart before we reach the end of our time here.

Death is also a miracle, only we somehow fail to accept it. A birth, quite naturally, is accompanied by joy. Usually when something begins people are happy and when it ends they tend to be sadder. So the death should involve sadness, which has its specific name – mourning. Symbolised by dark clothes is in fact a state of mind, the way humans try to cope with bereavement. It has several stages, from shock and disbelief up to picking up the pieces and trying to live a normal life, reconciled with the tragedy. What happens to us after the decease remains a secret. The body dies away, but what happens to the spirit? Christian theology comes up with hell, purgatory and heaven – three places where departed souls can reach in the afterlife, depending on their conduct on earth. It is still a mystery and I suppose the fear of death most of us feel is the fear of the unknown, of turning into non-existence.

The thoughts of transience did not haunt me without any specific reason. I have a weird habit – on every New Year’s Eve I wonder if a coming year will be good or bad. The only criterion to determine is if I would attend any funeral. Last seven years were not good in this respect, this year was good until Thursday. I came from work and heard of my mother’s cousins death, premature (she was just 58), but not unexpected. For the last ten years she had been fighting cancer. In the first battle fought in 2000 and 2001 she managed to overcome the disease. The tumour was dormant for next seven years and made itself felt in 2008. For a year therapy proved successful, aunt could function normally until July 2009, then her health began to deteriorate. Her doctors did not let up until the beginning of the previous week. Until then there was still a glimmer of hope…

Today I attended the funeral…

Regardless of the ceremony I felt some sort of anxiety. Exactly on 24 July a year ago my mother underwent a complicated surgery with some complications. I never felt as scared as on that day, those misgivings returned this year and coincided with the funeral. The feeling which keeps me company every day got so intense – is the end round the corner? We all have learnt to get on with it or to drive it away. My colleague leaves the office. Will she be back there tomorrow? Will she not be killed in a traffic accident on her way home? Will I return home safely? Will my both parents be alive in a year? Who will die first, mother or father? I ask such questions a few times a week, I have done so for many years and did not go crazy. How come? I wonder if anyone on 10 April 2010 had doubts if members of Polish delegation to Katyn would return home safely…

The relationships in our family were not very close and I did not take this loss very personally, nevertheless as every such event it made me ponder upon the fragility of human life.

This funeral was in a way odd. Firstly, I have never seen so many people weeping so loudly and openly at a funeral. Secondly, I treated the ceremony as a review of human reactions to bereavement.

My aunt was survived by:
1) Mother, my grandfather’s sister. I saw her at her husband’s funeral four years ago, I saw her at my grandfather’s funeral two years ago. Then she was dejected but she was bearing it up. It was the fourth funeral at which I saw mother crying over the grave of her child and it only strengthened by conviction nothing worse can happen.
2) Husband. I haven’t got a clue why, but many men refuse to accept how seriously ill their wives are and the death comes to them as a bolt from the blue. Women are harder, they have more courage to face up to critical situations, men try to deceive and delude themselves. Is it a way of coping with what they are not capable of coping with? God knows, they end up shocked, in tears.
3) Son. She had never been really proud of him. I looked at his face and my only diagnosis was disbelief. After two days it was still possible.
4) Sister. The most sane in the whole close family, despondent, but seeming to have got through the most difficult phase of mourning.
5) Granddaughter, aged 14. She could not help weeping during the whole ceremony. It is the age when teenagers find it hard to get to grips with their emotions, not the best time to see a member of family fading away and departing much too early.

I had more luck. When my maternal grandmother died I was only 4 and did not understand what was going on. When my maternal grandfather died I was 20. I was more mature and surely found it easier to tackle his decease. He was 87 then and died totally naturally, out of old age, in his sleep, without unnecessary suffering, having received last rites, ready to pass away. At least it gave some relief.

My paternal grandparents are both 84, they still manage on their own, but one day they’ll surely depart. When? How will I react? Uncertainty crops up once again…

And once again the world did not come to a standstill, although seemingly it should have…

Conspiracy theories sprouting

EDIT, 16 April – my appeal. No matter how strongly we disagree with the decision to bury the president and his wife on Wawel let’s suspend all discussions and rows over this issue during the weekend. In the days to come we all ought to pay our respects to all departed ones who now deserve peace.

I haven’t prepared this overview on my own, it is just a summary of a compilation which appeared recently on WP.PL. Some are to a limited extent plausible, other smack of outright malarkey… Note that the points below do not refer to any confirmed facts.

1/ Russians had a hand in the tragedy – they had vested interest in getting rid of many Polish officials inconvenient for them, particularly president Kaczynski who was determined to fight for truth and his speech on Saturday could have thwarted the reconciliation policy pursued by Mr Tusk and Mr Putin.

2/ The crashed plane which had undergone an overhaul in August 2009 was deliberately wrecked by Russian secret services. Their agents allegedly tampered with the steering systems what could have impeded a safe touchdown.

3/ An explosion on board – some eye witnesses claimed they had heard a sound typical for explosion, akin to a bomb going off.

4/ Russians deliberately created a fog in Smolensk (as they could use chemistry to clear up sky over Moscow) either to prevent Mr Kaczynski’s appearance on the ceremony or to trigger a disaster.

5/ Black boxes were swapped – Russians were familiar with the technologies used in Tupolev planes so they concocted the record of the flight

6/ Warmth of Russians is just a smokescreen – their sympathy and help they offered us should distract our attention from their involvement in the scheme.

7/ The equipment on Smolensk was broken down – some say a few hours after the crash soldiers replaced some parts of air traffic control with new ones to cover up the blatant violation of safety issues.

8/ Mr Tusk was embroiled in the scheme. He plotted it in liaison with Mr Putin and Mr Komorowski. To boot all politicians had no other duties on that day and rushed to deal with the tragedy.

9/ Pilots faced pressure from president Kaczynski to land heedless of bad weather conditions (this thread was widely discussed on Poland-related English-language blogs).

10/ Katyn is a cursed place for Polish nation.

11/ The disaster was predicted by Nortradamus, who wrote about metal birds, which carried some eminent people from an invincible country and the country was soon invaded from the East.

12/ Not all victims died on the spot, some survived the crash but Russian secret services swiftly came around to kill them.

My comments to theories no. 11 and no. 12
Ad. 11/ I have “Centuries” by Nostradamus (in English) in PDF and searched for key words which appeared in the Polish version – nothing like this can be found there.

Ad. 12/ TVN 24 reported yesterday someone uploaded a film from the scene on which one can clearly hear shots. TVN 24 says however the film was uploaded on Tuesday, while the same footage was shown by Russian TV a day earlier.

Another note – Poles remain split over the funeral on Wawel. He worst thing is that I got lost, because there are several versions concerning the person behind this idea. Some try to suck up credit for the great idea, some try to shift blame to others.

Aftershock

The worst thing about such tragedies is that they strike out of the blue. No one has a tiniest inkling of what might happen soon.

Friday was extraordinarily dark and gloom. I even regretted I had taken a camera as I went with my parents to Janki. On our way back we could observe a magnificent cloud bank and mixture of mist and drizzle setting in. Strange was the weather, resembling rather November than April. Saturday was the fourth day in a row when in spite of good mental feeling my head was heavy as if was made of concrete. I rolled out of bed, did the morning toiletry, tidied up my room, turned the computer on, browsed a few pages, posted on comment on MD’s blog, switched the machine off. My eyes were a bit sore and I thought it would be better not to expose the to computer screen. I set out to read on a book (I’ll later review it here), but my mother went into the room, we exchanged a few opinions about my physical tiredness. I refuted arguments that I should redress balance between working and physical rest by saying lots of people have it worse than me. I recalled my thoughts and thankfulness for every day passing without a disaster. They crop up from time to time, unbidden. Then I turned the radio on, someone mentioned in passing Polish president’s plane crashed in Russia.

“President will be on crutches” – I thought. I turned the computer on, the Reuters agency reported a devastating death toll, the next news got only worse.

The first reaction is disbelief. The sudden death of so many officials, including the president is not what anyone would expect to happen. Then, as the list of fatalities was being announced, disbelief morphed into shock, the truth began to sink in.

After a few talks on the phone the next thought is what the Polish state has to carry on. Our institutions must not stop functioning. I felt deeply sorry for Mr Tusk and Mr Komorowski who had to act quickly in the face of tragedy.

The Polandian post on the plane crash gives three good comments about it. I tried to follow the English media at the time, they gave a more neutral picture and I could find out about what Polish media were afraid to inform about – who was killed there. Island1 and Scatts have a much more bystander’s view on the situation and could mention two things. Thank you guys for these valuable remarks.

It has to be said that Kaczynski was not a popular figure among our readers, but nobody would have wished such a sudden and appalling end to his political career.

I wished Mr Kaczynski would end his term in December and would rather be busy looking after his granddaughters. The departed president had a vision of Poland, the vision I disagreed with, but it was stronger and clearer that what other parties presented. And he was determined to put it into practise. Quite possible he was a friendly and chummy man, but in politics he was unable to shape his image and we perceived him as stand-offish and terse man.

1/ Nobody would choose this way out but it does mean Mr. Kaczynski will be remembered very differently to the way he might have been had this not happened

A word of wisdom – I feel sorry but I do not want Mr Kaczynski to become a national hero, he pursued Polish policy in a certain way, was respected for how he could defend his stance. He did not lay down his life for Poland. He was flying to Katyn to pay tribute to Polish elite who were murdered by Soviets and died in a plane crash.

2/ Excellent opportunity for Mr. Komorowski to secure (or not) his position as the next President of the Republic of Poland.

Not necessarily Scatts, Law and Justice is now in the soup, it lost many politicians, but many people might want to vote for a candidate who would continue a mission of Mr Kaczynski. And we have to keep fingers on a pulse. I feel sorry for everyone who lost their family or friends, but it is not a reason to give them a head start in elections.

I hope the investigation concerning the tragedy will be fully transparent, even if the truth for Poland is inconvenient – remember that black boxes might include records of conversations on board which may cast a new light on this accident.

Jamie also suggested in my comment box it was a black swan event. It occurred to me yesterday, the very disaster fits the definition, but none of the rules for a black-swan-robust world could prevent a tragedy. Apart from one, not listed – “don’t put all you eggs into one basket”.

My UK readers when they woke up on 31 August 1997 did not expect to hear the news that Princess Diana died in a car accident.

My US readers when they woke up on 11 September 2001 did not realise that day would bring the biggest shock in the history of their country.

And not as single Pole would imagine yesterday morning that so many officials would pass away in a few hours.

This event teaches us once again how to live with uncertainty and reminds us how fragile human life is.

May they rest in peace

Polish government’s plane carrying the president Lech Kaczyński and his wife, deputy speaker of Polish parliament Jerzy Szmajdziński, some other country officials crashed today in the vicinity of army airport in Smolensk, Russia. Reuters agency reports 87 people died in the crash.

My country goes into mourning after the biggest tragedy it witnessed in my lifetime. Poland lost in a split second many representatives of its ruling elite – ministers, deputies, governor of central bank are among the fatalities. The number of people who died in one place passes all beliefs.

First questions concerning breaking the rule that many VIPs cannot fly the same plane are being asked. First unofficial messages say the early presidential elections will be held on 20 June 2010.

I am here symbolically paying my respects to all Polish public figures who departed today.

BBC published an obituary of Polish president.

Wieczny odpoczynek racz im dać Panie…

A miracle... in a way...

Fancy reading a joyful post? Better click away this time…

Every road user knows what to do when they see an ambulance in the wing mirror. Cars on cue pull over to give way to the emergency vehicle and then orderly pull back into their lanes. Many realise the importance of such reaction, but few think what is happening on board of an ambulance. Once, probably around a year ago, after the death of my grandfather I thought “maybe the death passed by”. The moment when an ambulance hurtles next to your car rescuers might resuscitate the patient, trying to throw the balance for the life…

The last farewell ceremony is becoming increasingly popular in Poland these days. It is held in a church usually the day before a funeral. The ones invited are only the close family and friends, who can say goodbye to the departed person for the last time.
The classes finished three quarters earlier so I covered the whole distance between SGH and church by Rzymowskiego on foot rather than by underground and then bus and after an hour long walk I managed to get there just a minute before the rain lashed down. Although over ten people were invited only my parents and I arrived. “I cannot come because I live too far” or “I am on holiday so it will have to go without me” are lame excuses, but “it is too much for me” is a wicked excuse! Presence on such ceremony means paying respects to the deceased and keeping company to the family, whose tragedy it is. Theirs, not mine! It was not pleasant neither too see the corpse for the first time nor to see the reaction of the family. Unpleasant, but necessary, such situations must not be shunned, they are a part of our life. I’d say more, they let us look at our everyday problems from a different perspective and see how diminutive they are, compared to bereavement for instance.

The essential part of each funeral are condolences offered to the mourners. It is customary to come up to them and say… But what to say in such situation, avoiding corny fixed expressions and remaining sincere? I am so sorry (przykro mi) – that indeed might be true, it is one of the most obvious phrases which occur to you. You may feel compassion or sympathy for the bereaved. The former is for me much more sincere, the latter quite often less. Compassion is more about feeling sorry, sympathy is about feeling the same, both translate into Polish as “współczucie”, which means sharing other person’s feelings. This is why I never use those hackneyed phrases and try to come up with the words suitable for the situation and still be sincere. I do not think I can mention any sympathy if I do not know how it feels to lose a mother in the age of sixteen. I could not tell that nor to the older daughter of my mother’s friend. I have not lost any of my parents so I do not feel I can speak about sympathy. Maybe I will never understand it because my parents might die naturally in the ripe old age, which is different from the premature death.

But coming back to the older daughter. I cannot be sure my parents will be alive when I turn twenty seven, so there is an element of uncertainty which creeps up to my reasoning. The likelihood of decease is just smaller in case of healthier and younger people, but accidents, heart attacks, diseases diagnosed too late or common cessations of blood circulation happen and strike us out of the blue. I wonder how many people also feel a kind of thankfulness to the God of fate that “it did not happen to me”. This gratitude is soon outshined by the uncertainty and thought: “I did not happen to me… only today. But what about tomorrow?” If you feel like reading some more reflections on this topic, pop in here?

All those events made me ponder upon the inexorable – my own departure. I hope I will stay fit until the old age and pass away quickly, without unnecessary suffering. Senility and cancer – those are the things I had seen prior to the deceases of people I knew well. Lots of us would love to depart this life like this. It usually means a shock for the family, but some claim it’s better than watching your relative’s long lasting suffering. At least your dearest one will be recalled health and fit, not ailing and suffering. And most of all I hope I will outlive my parents and my children will outlive me. Every time I saw mother standing over the grave of her child I felt that was at odds with the order of the nature…

It is often said a birth is a miracle. Death is a miracle in the very similar way. Death is the most difficult things for the humans to comprehend. There used to be a man and they departed forever. The body stiffens, then decomposes, the spirit flies away. It is a mystery for the human kind and it will probably remain forever. Is there an afterlife? Are the Christian teachings about heaven, purgatory and hell true? Is there a reincarnation? Will we start another life after death or will we be plunged into nonentity?

Rozłąka jest naszym losem,
Spotkanie naszą nadzieją.

The small end of the world

Koniec świata

W dzień końca świata
Pszczoła krąży nad kwiatem nasturcji,
Rybak naprawia błyszczącą sieć.
Skaczą w morzu wesołe delfiny,
Młode wróble czepiają się rynny
I wąż ma złotą skórę, jak powinien mieć.
W dzień końca świata
Kobiety idą polem pod parasolkami,
Pijak zasypia na brzegu trawnika,
Nawołują na ulicy sprzedawcy warzywa
I łódka z żółtym żaglem do wyspy podpływa,
Dźwięk skrzypiec w powietrzu trwa
I noc gwiaździstą odmyka.
A którzy czekali błyskawic i gromów,
Są zawiedzeni.
A którzy czekali znaków i archanielskich trąb,
Nie wierzą, że staje się już.
Dopóki słońce i księżyc są w górze,
Dopóki trzmiel nawiedza różę,
Dopóki dzieci różowe się rodzą,
Nikt nie wierzy, że staje się już.
Tylko siwy staruszek, który byłby prorokiem,
Ale nie jest prorokiem, bo ma inne zajęcie,
Powiada przewiązując pomidory:
Innego końca świata nie będzie,
Innego końca świata nie będzie.

by Czesław Miłosz

On the day the world ends
A bee circles a clover,
A Fisherman mends a glimmering net.
Happy porpoises jump in the sea,
By the rainspout young sparrows are playing
And the snake is gold-skinned as it it should always be.
On the day the world ends
Women walk through fields under their umbrellas
A drunkard grows sleepy at the edge of a lawn,
Vegetable peddlers shout in the street
And a yellow-sailed boat comes nearer the island,
The voice of a violin lasts in the air
And leads into a starry night.
And those who expected lightning and thunder
Are disappointed.
And those who expected signs and archangels' trumps
Do not believe it is happening now.
As long as the sun and the moon are above,
As long as the bumblebee visits a rose
As long as rosy infants are born
No one believes it is happening now.
Only a white-haired old man, who would be a prophet,
Yet is not a prophet, for he's much too busy,
Repeats while he binds his tomatoes:
No other end of the world there will be,
No other end of the world there will be.

Translation by Anthony Miłosz, poet’s son

Have you ever realised the end of the world occurs every day, every minute, every second? It’s mostly up to the reader how to interpret a poem, but in this case comparing this work to a biblical vision of apocalypse is at least inept.

I wondered today how unbearable it is for the bereaved to reconcile themselves that the world has not come to a halt with the departure of their dearest one. Somebody passes away and the world unrelentingly doesn’t notice the spirit flying away from the body. People hurry to work, cars jam the roads, journalists in the radio crack jokes, planes touch down and take off, weather doesn’t react, everything indifferently runs its course. And the fact is that pretty everyone is unconscious of the tragedies which take place round the corner. “It doesn’t affect me” – they’d say, contemporary culture pushes away the death from its collective mind. One the individuals bring it back, whenever the death reminds about its presence by taking away one of our relatives, friends, acquaintances. This morning world also did not cease to move on – the palpable injustice?

Memento Mori!

PLEASE PRAY FOR THE DEPARTED SOUL