Angel's angle

Prompted myself to watch again “Wings of Desire”. Not just to behold Berlin divided by the wall, mere three years before it was crumbled. Not just to encounter the atmosphere crafted by Wim Wenders in his magnificent films. I have revisited the film to explore concept of angels and the whys and wherefores of their “presence” on earth.

An angel is invisible. I presume each of us has at least once dreamt of being invisible to somebody. What in some situations is a blessing, in the long run is a curse. Invisibility which allows you to be an unnoticed bystander who observes course of people’s lives means no human being pays attention to you, nobody talks to you, nobody touches to you, nobody interacts with you. As a result the only creatures you can have relationships with are fellow angels; in the eternal perspective no one but other lonesome companions.

An angel has insight into humans’ feelings. An angel knows what they think about, who they love, who they hate, what problems they cope with, what pleases them and what they fear. An angel knows all but an angel can do nothing about to relieve humans’ pains. An angel does not have power to solve people’s problems, cannot abandon their invisibility for a moment to talk to a human or to hug them. And after all, angels are familiar with human feelings only because they observe them, but not out of their own experience. They witness sadness of a bereaved human but they do not know how it feels like, because nobody they loved has even passed away. They witness sorrow of a lovelorn human, but they do not know how it feels like, since no one has even turned away their love. They witness incurably ill humans, but they have never gone down with any disease. They witness misery of a family who cannot make ends meet, but since they have never had to do with money and have never needed it, they do not know how being short of money feels like. An angel does not even know what the pain is, they have never felt it.

No wonder one of the angels staring at the fate of West Berlin’s residents one day, upon falling in love with a woman, decides to give up on all the traits of angelness he grows uncomfortable of and becomes a mortal human.

Thus I guess the purport of the film is that genuine feelings, including those most bitter, are the essence of humanity. Learning how to cope with the suffering teaches us how to handle love. Without experiencing the former you cannot appreciate the latter. Without feelings and without problems the life is empty. Do not dream of trouble-free, easy life. It is a trap! Trouble-free, easy life is not for humans!

So feelings are what matters the most. Do not suppress them, give vent to them, share them with fellow humans. And feelings drive emotions; both positive and negative. If we are affected by emotions, we are humans. And finally, by depriving themselves of emotions, humans turn themselves into robots, goal-oriented creatures, repeating tasks to survive, without seeking the essence of their humanity. As I grow older, day after day I am more and more appreciative of positive impulses and search for them to draw pleasure. I chase them and grab them whenever they are not out of reach. I hesitate many times, since not infrequently price to pay for the positive vibes might be too high. As I have been growing older, life has been teaching me, it does not need to be wise to reach the top one day and slide to the bottom the other day. Beware of that and do not get high at the expense of other people.

I wish and peaceful Christmas to all my readers!

Got up and tried

Sometimes to understand the present, you have to go back in time.

9 June 2010, the penultimate day of my penultimate exam period at SGH, also the day when awards in the 15th edition of “Grasz o Staż” contest were handed… Four months earlier, at the beginning of the penultimate semester of my studies, I decided to change the English class group, to attend the class run by the definitely the best teacher I’ve ever had. There I met Natalia (name, as usually, changed). We talked with each other very few times, but it could be felt there was a chemistry between us. As students we last talked on 9 June 2010, just after our final exam in English; we stared at each other’s eyes and yes, I knew what I should have done then… I felt some kind of affection for her, but I didn’t care much. I was a fool at that stupid stage of my life when career was the overriding goal. I was in a hurry for the “Grasz o Staż” banquet when she asked me to tap my phone number into her handset. I keyed in the number, but didn’t bother to press the green button to have her number displayed on my phone, and then dashed off. That’s how and why we wouldn’t see each other ever after.

I began to realise how mean it was many months later, after the internship, the hectic period of combing work and studying and shake-down at the current position. I settled down at work, achieved something and began to see the light, began to recognise different values are more important than building career, finally began to regret. But soon later I met Her and drowned out my regrets, I even thought things went the right way, otherwise I’d have hurt Natalia. Then what I’d put my faith in fell into pieces and when it was crystal clear there were even no pieces to pick up, the wasted chance began to haunt me more and more often.

You can’t turn back time and make up for the wrong you’ve once done, but whenever there’s a least little chance why not try to start over?

I was down in the dumps after my 25th birthday. The sorrow was not brought about by the very moment of passing by the quarter-of-century milestone, but on account of it being accompanied by awakening ghosts of the past months, bringing back pleasant (still, with hindsight) and unpleasant memories. Could it be the time to make an attempt to raise the dead?

I’d been talking about Natalia with my colleague several times. I’d told her Natalia vanished into the air and nobody knew what she was doing (strange, isn’t it?). My colleague suggested I should go an extra mile and harness search engine to go on a more extensive lookout with several combinations of keywords. 10 minutes later I learnt Natalia works in a small accountancy firm in a building 200 metres from away from my office. Truth be told I wasn’t particularly eager to make use of that knowledge, but my colleague insisted I marched there right away and met with her.

Life without spontaneity is… well, hollow. Ten minutes later I was putting the half-baked plan into practice. The search went very smoothly. Assistant at reception desk told me where exactly her office was located and did not make any troubles to let me in. When I entered her room, Natalia was out in a kitchen for a while. She was very positively “shocked” at the sight of me. I asked her out for a coffee, we had a nice chat, she gave me her phone number, my impression was very positive, yet slightly tainted by alertness of shock Natalia was overcoming…

Over the next days her enthusiasm was fading very quickly. She was either very busy at work or, then ill (just like me), then I decided to ease up and let her accustom to my unexpected stepping-in. Her hesitation or reluctance and shyness began to put me off. I ended up spending New Year’s Eve with someone else. With her approach this relationship had to chance to develop.

On 3 January, just like over two weeks earlier, I went to her building, called her and asked to come down. After exchange of pleasantries she began to quiver and look down. I found her behaviour kind of disturbing and realising she was trying to tell me something I encouraged her to stutter it out.

Natalia: You know, I’ve been thinking about you a lot since our meeting before Christmas and… you’ve made an enormous effort to find me, so I suppose you might have some clear expectations towards me and I don’t want you to hold out much hopes…

Bartek: After not seeing you for more than two years, I could have found you being with someone else and did consider this when trying to find you, but when we met, you told me that…

N: I remember, when you asked how I was doing, my reply started with a declaration “I don’t have a boyfriend, I don’t have a fiancé, I’m not married”…

B: So actually you have somebody…?

N: Well, formally we are not together… This is… a cupboard love

B: (the whole situation seemed kind of funny to me) It sounds serious.

N: It’s a very serious feeling towards an older, mature man.

B: (I could barely help my jaw dropping open, but responded in a serious manner) Maybe it would be worthwhile to do something about it?

Natalia just pulled a face and flushed…

During our conversation I found it all hilarious, several minutes later I found it pitiful, at the end of that day – dreadful. Natalia is turning 27 in three weeks. How can a woman of that age live on daydreams and delusions. A woman of that age if she declares she wants to have a family and bring up children should try to build a real relationship. If she doesn’t change, she stands no chance to turn her life around. I could go on about this for several paragraphs, but this is not a place to take apart someone’s broken psyche. I simply feel sorry for her.

But I don’t take pity on myself. Didn’t care, didn’t hurt (nie zależało – nie zabolało). To be frank, it did hurt a bit, as nobody likes being turned away. I could only be better off and had nothing to lose, unlike in the previous case we are fully separated from each other (no hear since the hapless meeting), so this chapter is closed. I’m glad to have seen the end before it began. And I’m particularly happy to have done something which could have been a good material for a script of a romantic film (maybe the one with a happy ending), something spontaneous and memorable. At least I won’t revert to memories of her, won’t ask myself if it could go on a different way, won’t wonder whether there is a chance to revive it.

This illustrates a recipe for living. Make sure you do whatever is possible to seize all opportunities you might have. And don’t let a situation when you regret not doing something happen.

Got up and tried. The bubble burst, I’m not on my knees, but not feel like trying, although I know I probably should (a classmate from primary school) is chasing me up to go out together and I know if I’m not about to miss it, I should get in touch with her soon, but to be honest I totally don’t feel like trying… Unsettling? Should I let some time pass?

End-year thanks to my Guardian Angel

If every time you touch heaven you find out there's nothing to grab and you fall back to earth, if every time you plunge into hell you find out instead of drowning in the abyss you bounce back and return to earth, it probably signifies a human's place is on earth.

I owe big thanks to my Guardian Angel who kept me company over the whole year and has not let me run into troubles though opportunities were ample. This was a year when for the first time since roughly setting up this blog I was touching heaven and then, to strike the balance, I was sending myself to the darkest depths of hell. Needless to say such trips are dicey as both when you fly too close to the sun and when you are licked by infernal flames you risk being burnt. Therefore I thank my Angel for not letting me kiss the sun and for lifting me up from caverns of hell.

The Angel is a metaphor, albeit last year’s ups and downs have made me believe in the existence of a supernatural creature that keeps tabs on every man. Now the mystery to be unravelled is the extent to which Guardian Angels interfere in humans’ fates. If you look at the magnitude of miseries which afflict representatives of mankind every day, no wonder you seriously doubt in the powers of shields Angels use to protect people. I discern it and thank once again, as I was lucky to have been looked after by a very patient and wise Guardian Angel and to have got off lightly from situations when my common sense was turned off.

How much joy your life gives you is roughly equal to optimism towards life you display. There is always the option to focus on the dark, yet indispensable, side of life. In November a stupid song made me realise some feelings are natural and sometimes not feeling pain would be a reason to worry. “Where there is a flame, someone’s bound to get burnt” – if so, burning at some stage of that affection was inevitable. When making a summary of 2012 I could highlight the bitter experiences; there were some, probably more than in previous years, but they happened because I felt much more than in previous years. For sake of waking up from a long-lasting spiritual numbness I deem 2012 to have been a particularly great year. Not everything turned out the way I had wanted, but every time when confronted with adversities, I emerged stronger and never lost heart. Sometimes to cope better with emotions I did turn on the ‘numb’ mode, but these were always temporary moves aimed at relieving psyche.

Maybe this is the way how we should handle life. Every time bad fate slaps your face, instead of hitting it back, give it a kiss. For those of you who have lived through some sort of severe suffering, this may sound ridiculous, but try to treat every hardship, every calamity, every blow as a chance, and as a lesson. The worst you can do is letting the pain knock you down. Such stance means letting bad luck or bad people triumph. How about spiting them? Whenever adversity hits you, put a smile on your face.

Some two weeks ago I left my car for the whole day in the open air, exposed to freezing snow and rain and in the evening I found my vehicle covered by a layer of ice and frozen snow. Try opening any door in such conditions… I beheld it and burst out laughing. After all I was facing a challenge!

Disasters strike you when you don’t take precautions to avert them. In early December I had sprayed door seals with silicon and packed a hammer and screwdriver into my briefcase. Armed in these tools I broke the ice with a smile on my face, which brought back to life central locking system and allowed me to open the door without problems. The engine, despite dampness which could have played havoc with electrics and motor starter, cranked up without a murmur, then it was all downhill. Seemingly a small trouble, but depending on your attitude and how prudent you are, it can knock you down or toughen you up.

As this year ends I think I’m richer as I’ve learnt to look adversities in their eyes. Never turn your eyes away, when your enemy sizes you up. Look at the bright side of life, there’s always such one, but it sometimes takes some effort to discern it. May the new year bring all of you many cheerful days, may troubles stay away from you, may your Guardian Angels be as merciful for you in 2013 as mine was for me in 2012. And don’t be afraid of changes in your life. Any change, although it involves taking risks, should be treated as a chance for a better life. And remember, it could always get worse...

Technical announcements:

1. Apologies for lack of posting a week ago. I was down with flu and decided to stay in bed to overcome the illness once and for good, unlike other people who get up, go to work and spread germs (we have an epidemic of flu in Poland). The strategy proved successful!

2. Next week – road construction summary – let’s look what roads were opened in Poland in 2012

3. Any hints on the direction in which the blog should drift – for aforementioned reasons posts on economy of politics have become infrequent here, while I began to focus on myself and turned the blog into a form of personal diary for posterity, against my intent at inception of blogging…

Confession

Outside +33C, inside +28.5C, despite external rollers pulled down. I dread to think how hot it would be in my room without them. But some five months ago when temperatures in the morning were hitting minus twenties, I promised not to gripe about the heat wave when it comes. Frost has one advantage over heat – you can take shelter from it at home, assuming you have heating put in. Air-conditioning in private houses is not popular in Poland, so we swelter, but don’t have to think about the coming heating bill, wear several layers of clothing, wait for a public transport vehicle that fails to run according to timetable, etc.

In this temperature I feel like taking a nap; I even understand why siesta is so common in southern Europe in the summer months – when it’s above +30C you simply get drowsy.

Yawn… Not a temperature conducive to thinking, nor the time is right. I’ve had more than enough time to think many aspect of my life over when I had to stay in bed for some nine days in June.

Was it all just a coincidence? My first true holidays since September 2009, carefully planned, long awaited and two weeks before the departure, probably on my way to and from Poznań by train I contracted an illness. I blame this journey, because on my way to Poznań air-con was cooling the compartment at full blast, while on my way back it wasn’t running at all, windows were locked and inside the carriage you could breath in a abhorrent stench of fungus…

Then I disregarded problems with sore throat, they didn’t pass as they’d come, a small illness developed into a bigger one, I got one antibiotic, it helped for a while, but didn’t fully cure me. On the eve of my departure I came down with high fever and the next day it turned out I had the accursed laryngitis. The second antibiotic, despite staying in bed, didn’t help as well. Finally the third one, in the third week of my struggle against disease, set me free from the illness, but knocked me down solidly and played havoc with my heart and muscles (thank God it left out my digestive system…) and left me stranded at home, unable to do any physical exercise, not to drive car for a few days. Eventually, I recuperated…

So why did it strike in the period of holidays and in warm June, not when weather can contribute to catching a cold? Was it a punishment?

Could it be a punishment for the idea to go on holidays completely on my own for the first time? For the plan to do spend time exactly the way I want, without taking heed of other people’s opinions and without having to put up with their habits, whims, shortcomings? Many people spend holidays in such way, many would never try to go alone, but is something condemnable in it?

Could it be a punishment for being at loggerheads with my parents? For falling out over every smallest thing, just as a matter of principle? After all they’ve always wished me well and when we disagreed and eventually I reluctantly followed their advice, with hindsight they were proven right. And even if not, they had the courage admit their mistake and advise me not to listen to them every time. Now we all decided to mend our ways and get along quite well, but for how long?

Could it be the punishment for how I foster relationships? Isn’t it true that I meet and talk to people I call my friends too infrequently? With time most friendships have all loosed up, especially I began to feel it upon finishing the studies. How many times have I rejected meeting proposals just because I was too busy, too tired, short of time? How come relationships between people can fall apart so easily? Do social media replace real world – I checked today I have 113 friends on facebook, while many of them I haven’t seen for ages and I haven’t invited many people I know well and meet every day. Facebook doesn’t reflect reality. Real friends matter, not boosting your friend count on social networking portal.

Now a message dear fellow bloggers. In February I was giving a lift to Michael, the same day he met Scatts and Paddy. They all agreed we should call a blogmeet. Four months have passed since then, fourteen months have elapsed since the last blogmeet and… silence…

Could it be the punishment for my (excessive?) commitment to work? For trying to stand out, present myself as reliable and knowledgeable employee at the expense of my private life? Staying overtime, taking up more duties – it was always obvious to me, I could not refuse. Actually I learnt a lot, developed a lot, built a network of professional relationships and gained exposure to influential people in my organisation that can give me a stepping stone for a future promotion. Can I build such valuable relationships in a private life? Were those sacrifices justifiable? Until now, I received no financial reward for my endeavours, prospects of promotion or a pay rise are remote and I seem to appear as someone always eager to do the most unrewarding tasks without a murmur…

Could it… No, start the sentence over a different way… Isn’t it the punishment, maybe even a well-deserved punishment for falling in love with that (don’t try to recall, I haven’t broached that topic and don’t plan to revert to it) girl so senselessly. It’s lasted for too long, I should have got her out of my mind, but well, sometimes you just can’t help yourself. It’s weird given that from the beginning I knew this was not someone I would like to spend my life with, not someone with who I could build a happy marriage. Well, there are situations when people can’t resist to make a step forward, even if they fully realise they’re on the verge of a precipice.

Was it reciprocated – I’ll probably never find it out. So many times I could easily say so, but equally many times, she would be indifferent or turned me away. Her attitude to me chopped and changed, within hours, not even days. I know she can pretend very well, not a good trait for a partner, so it’s impossible to find out what she really felt.

Was it she who hurt me, or wasn’t it me who hurt her as well, maybe even more? If it was reciprocated, I should also blame myself. Under certain circumstances I had to build a smokescreen (e.g. by flirting with other women) just to nip in the bud others’ suppositions there was something between us. But could she see through the smokescreen, or did she suffocate with the smoke? And didn’t I, in the meantime, hurt someone else, didn’t I waste another chance in an unforgivably silly way?

Could there be a future for us? Without a significant reshuffle in either her or my life, in the long run, surely not. In many aspects we are similar, in many aspects we could complement each other, but at the end of the day we are worlds apart. She is full of contradictions (like every woman to some extent), surely fragile and quite sensitive. And here the red light goes on – she’s sensitive only when harm is inflicted to her. I realised it upon compiling this post. If she read it, she’d just pull a face and what actually I was getting at and why I cared about those worse-off people.

I believe like many people, she’s so afraid that somebody can hurt her that she hurts someone else? She’s built a shell surrounding her not to let other people find out what she really feels. I could have enough power and determination to break through this shell, but my hands were tied and they still are. I could only bang my head against it, but is it worth the effort?

I treat this post like a katharsis. I need to break away.

A year ago if somebody had told I would go crazy about somebody with such abandon, I would have ridiculed them, call a downright idiot and bet all my savings they were an idiot. Fortunately, such opportunity didn’t arise and at least I’m not out of money on top of that.

So it stands to reason that my recent apathy is a consequence of this senseless affection. For some time, probably since early spring, I haven’t discerned the beauty in the world, until then I could see it in simple things, such as the sunset I’d lapped up a year ago, nor in magnificent ones. Everything in the world seems to me ugly.

When staying in bed I spotted this on my friend’s (we’ve been trying to arrange a meeting for half a year and guess if we met) wall on facebook. This might suggest another explanation. In late winter, when it sank in to me the senseless affection is beyond all doubt senseless, I resolved to be stronger than ever and than everyone around. I decided not to let any emotions overcome nor overwhelm me, I decided to be the last to lay down weapons on the battlefield, to be the captain the last to escape the sinking ship. I wanted to be bullet-proof, like in the song played so frequently in the radio those days. With time I realised it might be easy to deceive other people, but hard to deceive myself. I had moments when I was near breakdown, there were days when I got in to the car after work and yelled for half a minute to disgorge the negative emotions. It’s over. I haven’t experienced depression – I still feel a lot of energy and according to on-line tests, I have no or almost no signs of it. I haven’t experienced a single panic attack, but anxiety has kept me company for months, if not years. Perhaps this is the price to pay for some choices.

From now it’ll get better. It must…

Taking chances

I was a first-year student, when, during a class in basic microeconomics, I first encountered the topic of risk from economic perspective.

Have you even tried to put in words what actually risk is?

In economics and finance, one has to distinguish between risk and uncertainty. The former must be measurable, the latter is not quantifiable. If the risk is measurable, it should be possible to estimate probability that a specific scenario materialises. In life we usually face uncertainty – hardly ever it is possible to make an educated guess on how probable it is that a choice we are making will prove right.

Those who have even learnt business English should have come across several verbs that go together with the noun ‘risk’. You can: accept, analyse, avoid, estimate, hedge, manage, measure, minimise, mitigate, quantify, run, take, tolerate, understand a risk; share it and divide it. Something can carry or pose a risk, something can be put at risk. ‘Risk’ as a verb and adjective ‘risky’ might come in useful quite frequently.

Economic theory distinguishes between pure and speculative risk. In the case of the former you might lose, or not, but you cannot win. Pure risk can be transferred to another party, willing to take such risk, this happens when you buy an insurance policy. In the case of the latter there might be one more outcome – you might also win. Modern financial engineering has devised many tools used to manage risks, transfer them between entities and “reliably” quantify it. When misused, those tool can result in worldwide financial meltdowns…

Economists have come up with a concept that different people have different tolerance of risk. Some are eager to take it, some avoid it, some are indifferent to it. As scholars claim, most individuals prefer not to take risks and make do with certainty equivalents. Most of us would rather take out an insurance, pay a fixed premium and reduce our exposure to a specific risk, many people do not fancy investing their money on volatile stock exchange and put them into bank deposits, on which they can earn lower, but “safe” income.

But what determines an attitude to risk a specific person has? Genes? Upbringing? Entourage? Education and awareness? Experience gained in life? Job and challenges it poses?

Why in different realms of life people have a totally different tolerance of risk? Some people drive like lunatics and risk their and other people’s lives but would never put their savings on the stock exchange. Others are not afraid to run up debts in form of mortgage loans for decades, but avoid taking professional decisions that entail responsibility.

Does eagerness to take risks influence the job one should take up? What should be the profile of an employee who works, like me, in risk management? (Incidentally, I recently heard in the risk division there’s no place for people with below-average IQ!) Surely they should have competence to assess and analyse risk, but how about the tolerance of various types of risks their employer would be exposed to, depending on their decisions? Of course, they are paid for taking care of someone else’s business, so private preferences should not matter at all. Once I triggered peals of laughter at work when I commented on potential highly speculative financing for a junk public company: “I wouldn’t put the bank’s money at such risk as my own”.

Financial institutions have their risk managers (who should be well paid ;-)), but human beings should be able to cope with uncertainty in everyday lives. Almost every time we take an important decision, the outcome is a mystery. Choice of path of education – whether you choose the right studies might impinge on your future self-fulfilment. Choice of a spouse – will influence your happiness. Both aforementioned decisions will also affect your financial standing, as well as the choice of career path.

Such decisions surely involve a bit of stress, as each even-tempered person should think twice, weigh in pros and cons, analyse what can go wrong. This can result in paralysis by analysis, but done prudently might help avoid mistakes, which in life are inescapable anyway. When choosing to study at SGH, I was not sure if this would be good for many; with time fortuitous decision proved right. When I got an internship in credit risk department I was not sure whether I would find my way there, but soon settled down very quickly and well there. Again a leap into the dark proved a good decision. I feel when one day I’ll pop the question I will have doubts whether this woman would really be the one I want to spend the rest of my day with.

It is probably the saddest point of this post. These days nothing lasts forever, promises are broken easily and without remorse. Is my observation, that people no longer hold stability as dear as they used to in the past, right? I recently witnessed a marriage breaking up just because one of the spouses found a few years younger, sexually attractive partner. After a few months the new couple have shaken off the short-lived affection and came to a conclusion that together they cannot face everyday hardships and actually they do not fit each other. Guess how one of the spouses, who left the family for a fleeting adventure, the other, cheated-on spouse and their children felt… Now they are back a family and are trying to pick up the pieces of the broken-up marriage and start a new life. But I know how the ex-lover of the spouse feels and oddly enough that person currently appears to be the most hurt, deceived and disillusioned.

For sake of clarity, I do mention the sex of the unfaithful spouse, just not to spread stereotypes – both women and men cheat on their partners… Also for the sake of clarity I am not the aggrieved hero of the story. But there were times when I found flirting with older (in their 20s and 30s) women in relationships exciting (then I have grown out of this silly sort of entertainment). But except for realising those were childish games it occurred to me that if a woman dumps her boyfriend for me, one day she might be capable of doing the same with me for another guy.

There is not just the fear that someone might hurt me, what worries me is that I may inadvertently break a promise given to someone. One day my common sense might tell me to take a path which will give me some stability, but will not be the most preferable, but some time later I might feel the temptation to try my foregone luck. Life is full of wasted chances, but is it worth taking a chance, heedless of consequences?

And you can speak about any risk here? Only uncertainty is left…

Let go - the best way to check out...

If you love somebody, let them go. If they come back, they'll always be yours; if they don't, they've never been.

Years go by and some adages will never go outdated. I heard that quote for the first time some nine years when I fell in love seriously for the first time, but from time to time it resounda in my head.

Letting go is actually about giving up on somebody and seems to be an act of surrender, but giving the loved one freedom to pursue their happiness is, in each case of unreciprocated love, the best possible choice.

Life doesn't always turn out the way we expect, but life musn't rest on compelling and killing other people with kindness. Floating in a realm of lies and delusions is in the long run even more crippling than loneliness. Attempts to pursue one's own happiness heedless of other people's emotions and feeling can lead only nowhere.

We should mind other people's emotions but shouldn't be constrained by them. However, we have right to pursue our own happiness, sometimes we can't do it without hurting other people, but no matter how absurdly it sounds, we should hurt them with care, gently.

Heartaches are never pleasant, but in a way they develop our emotions. Every wound one day heals. But some wounds cease to ache but leave scars that bring back painful memories.

Love's not only about being together with the loved one. True love consists in craving for someone else's happiness.

No, no, nothing bad's happened. Written for posterity, in case I forget it...