Volant is one of those contemporary Polish influencers whose online career began with blogging and with time expanded into social media and books (which often are just a well-arranged compilation of blog posts written over time). As his recognisability grew, Volant quit his anonymity and appears publicly under real name, Michał Szatiło. He is one of most renowned gurus of romantic relationships in Poland, privately a husband and father of two daughters, practising what he preaches. After years of hard work, he monetises on his popularity. His books are available online only and the one I'm about to review would set you back PLN 99 + delivery cost. I have hunted a used one in OLX, saved PLN 40 and have not helped Mr Szatiło out.
When setting about reading, I was sceptical towards the book, anticipating some 10% of its content would be ground-breaking. Astonishingly, I found between 20% and 30% to be of added value.
Volant posits (right on) the percentage of singletons these days is high since people tend to claim something has gone wrong with other people and with the world itself. Making a martyr of yourself and bearing a grudge against all potential partners who do not stack up against your perfection is the ideal recipe not to pair up by the end of your days. I need to take it to heart.
Easing up, as Volant advises, is the first, yet still insufficient step. Opportunities to do things, explore, visit places and... go places crop up every day. Seize them, as they involve meeting new people via whom you can get to know other new people and boost your chances to find a life companion offline.
To impress somebody you need to be attractive. You won’t change your look, apparition, height, sometimes you have limited impact on your weight, but a charming person is characterised by a beautiful mind and broad horizons. Therefore "doing your bit" is essential if you want to be perceived an attractive human. Volant tells you as an adult who left university, whose network has loosened, almost always you will start doing your bit on your own and only then people will join and follow you.
The author puts on the agenda one of my primary worries which has kept me company for years, i.e. I do not approach a woman romantically until I make sure she is not in a relationship. But if she indeed is taken, she should turn me down politely and I should back down, doing my best not to waste an opportunity.
While trying to pick out factors which bode well for a relationship in the long run, Volant selects three: the look (a sexual attraction is a must) which brings partners together, similar lifestyle and values which keep them together.
Dating apps are considered a valuable option, provided people who match each other ought to meet up offline possibly quickly. While face to face, the first conversation matters. It often follows a scheme of asking and answering questions about each other, resembling a mutual interrogation. Instead, people should talk about their goals, values, dreams, inhibitions and dislikes, boosting the odds of finding a common tongue.
If it clicks in, an early stage of a relationship develops. It is the time when partners make mistakes which impinge on the rest of their life together. This is the time for being 100% oneself, but not bending over backwards to be 200% yourself, to set boundaries and to talk over issues which arise as red flags. A fear of rejection, unjustified hopes things will shape up and other factors keep most people in the circle of those mistakes and consequently most of them end up in unsatisfactory relationships.
Volant calls into question a popular assertion that building a relationship must take a lot of effort. He claims a decent relationship needs to be fostered, but he compares it a long walk in flat terrain, which is a form of light physical exercise and contrasts it to a steep climb uphill, which involves substantial strain. He says if your relationship over the first two years is a road uphill, most likely it is a dead-end one.
