“That’s what she said”, but is that what she meant?

Lucy (namely customarily changed)and I have known each other for some less than 4 years, I think. We met in the New Factory, around 3 years ago we tried to go out, i.e. went out to town a few times, got somewhat closer than holding hands, yet we both realised there was too little chemistry between us to pair up, yet enough to pal up. As adults do, none of us has taken umbrage and though she no longer works with the New Factory, we see each other a few times a year. Since the going-out attempt, I have found a girlfriend, she has found a boyfriend (we both got to know our second halves), I have broken up with the girlfriend, she and her boyfriend are still together.

Two weeks ago Lucy asked me on messenger how I was doing with decorating my flat and the progress of moving in. In response, I sent her some photos, she insisted I showed her the flat, rather than just pics. Recently I have embraced all forms of gate-crashing, so I suggested she came over on the same day.

Knowing our relationship was clear I expected she would pay me a visit, take a mini-tour through the dwelling, we would eat or drink something, have a chat and she would go away. She came with a bottle of wine, yet firmly insisted I did not open and keep it for a better occasion, in the meantime she called her boyfriend (who was spending the weekend at his father’s) and told him where she was, the visit followed the scenario I had outlined before.

On Easter Sunday my parents spotted the bottle of wine. I told a female friend of mine had dropped in on me and had brought it. They were convinced she had come with a clear intention and I had missed an opportunity. On Easter Monday when I went for a long walk with my father he told I should have shagged her, for pleasure. There was no reasoning with parents, but let’s leave this thread off.

The story illustrates not just the generation gap (my friends see the same disparity in perception of the same behaviours between their parents and them), but how times and acceptable behaviours have changed as well. What a few decades ago was a clear signal of interest (and for many a step too far), today is just a meaningless friendly visit and I am convinced (knowing Lucy for many years) if I had made a pass on her, I would have ended up slapped in face, she would have made off and the circle of my friends were have got narrower by one person.

I am far from commending the Islamic model in which a woman cannot talk to another man if her husband is not around, I am also far from condemning the current laxity of female-male relationships, yet the distinction between showing (a sexual) interest and being nice to a man has waned in recent years. When ambiguous jokes, despite #metoo, have become the order of the day, when being nice to a male friend has the same appearances, as picking a boy up, the importance of flirt, a sophisticated art of tightening a relationship into the romantic angle, has waned and I deplore about it. We, males, as straightforward human beings, happen to get lost in it and misread (in both ways) the signals sent to us by females.

Is the friendship between a woman and a heterosexual man possibl?. I argue, yes, as long as a man does not find his female friend sexually appealing. I have a few female friends, most of them are objective attractive, but I personally do not find them sexually attractive, which is absolutely normal, unlike willing to have sex with any creature of the opposite sex. This lack of sexual attraction ensures the relationship is safe and rules are clear for both parties.

As I concluded the conversation on the situation above with one of my female friends (10+ years since hitting it off without understatements), a male is a too straightforward creature to think up the concept of friendzone. Having gone through some ups and down in relationships and endavours to enter into them, I feel seasoned enough not to fall into the trap of the friendzone. If I am interested in a woman, I will not try to get closer to her by reaching the status of her trusted friend and getting stuck in that position while someone else will shag her (pardon the explicit language). In majority of situations such approach means I lose a woman (who wants me to be her friend, but not boyfriend) at all, which ensures I emotionally close such chapter, not caring whether it might hurt her, therefore the loss is preferable to a delusion.

My home, my place on earth

Home… not just a place where you reside in but where you celebrate the important moments. Children who fly the nest usually return to their parents’ for Christmas, Easter and other festivals, but only once they raise their own home, they can invite their nearest and dearest to their place. For such reasons, but also to express my gratitude for their aid during the protracting remont, I invited my parents over to celebrate Easter in my new flat.

My parents refused to let me prepare all the stuff and we shared the culinary duties – they brought a vegetables salad and a cake, while I handled the rest. The run-up to the Easter weekend was a nightmare at work (I counted 63 hours worked between Monday 8 a.m. and Friday 3 p.m. with any overtime pay being a Loch Ness Monster), so I was frazzled by the time I set off to cook stuff (fortunately had done most of the shopping in advance). On Thursday, late in the evening, deep under water, I began regretting taking up the task, but eventually I have not given up on the culinary adventure. With hindsight, the satisfaction from playing host to mum and dad was worth it. I could not lose the faith since the place I live in resonates with so much positive energy that it lifts my spirits every time adversities try to get me down.

The very vicinity of my flat is a magical area (the dream dated 2014 coming true, though not as a detached house), at this time of year a marvellous hangout to take a break after lousy time at work.

Just a few snaps from spots located less than a mile from home. A view atop of Górka Kazury, a shot taken on Saturday, an hour before sunset. After scrambling up the hill, one can enjoy views of Ursynów and Las Kabacki splaying out. Sadly, the place in the evening is chock full of visitors, so not the perfect place to contemplate the eternal in solitude.

A pond in Moczydło, on the other side of the Warsaw Underground’s technical track, just on the verge of Las Kabacki. On sunny weekends the place is full or locals. Today before midday few visitors were in sight.

Back to a snap from yesterday’s evening stroll. This is ul. Perkalowa, being actually a beaten dirt track, looking east towards inhabited parts of Natolin and Kabaty. Few people around and fortunately none of them is the legend of the area, Pan Leszek Wojciech, a homeless (allegedly mentally ill) guy one of the vagrant men who have built their huts in the local shrubs and is said to be dangerous to individuals who roam around.

To the right, a photo taken nearly in the same place, looking west against the sun. Trees, copse, sky, nothing else. A venue seemingly untouched by civilisation, yet a mile away from an underground station. Ursynów, I have fallen in love with you!

Ul. Moczydłowska, today’s pic taken while returning from a walk with my parents. The alley has a status of a living street and takes one directly to Las Kabacki (and will serve me in coming months primarily as a route to my parents whom, weather permitting I will be visiting by bike.

This is yet another year when I strengthen my conviction the last decade of April when most trees are in blossom and greenery bursts out for good is the beautiful season of the year. Let the moment last and let’s make the most of it before it’s gone!

Remont - lessons learnt when it is over

Having nearly finished the process of furnishing and decorating the flat and having gone through the first (and surely not the last) remont ordeal in my life, before I rest my head, time to share what experience I have gained.

An old German adage says you build your first house for your enemy, the second one for your friend and the third one for yourself. I was doing my best to learn from mistakes made by my parents in their house and to avoid what was done wrong in two rented flats I dwelled in.

My first piece of advice – do not let yourself get carried away by purchase-related euphoria. I plead to have well underestimate the scope of works my flat required. Quickly after the purchase I realised it would not be just a thorough refurbishment and decided nearly everything would be ripped off, as brand new stuff would serve years. Cool down, take a deep breath, since all works need to be well-thought-out!

The second piece of advice – work out layout in advance – it pertains specifically to placing equipment and fixtures which require water and electricity connections (sink, kitchen, dishwasher, etc.) – rewiring and plumbing come first and should match how you want to get your flat arranged, not the other way round.

The third piece of advice – hire an architect if you lack time or idea to design your dwelling. With hindsight I do not regret not taking up one, but I see advantages of having a helping hand of a reasonable, experienced architect.

While being generally very satisfied with the outcome, there are some errors which could have been evaded.

The bathroom light switch location on the hinge side of the door is the paramount glitch and my mistake since I failed to notice importance of door opening direction (and ordered to swap the bathroom and toilet doors just ahead of the assembly). Actually if I am to be the owner of the flat when the next remont is done, light switches of the bathroom and the toilet will be combined and placed between the doors, on handle sides. I thought the solution would be peskier than it really is once I have got used to it.

I have chosen triple-glazed windows to get better insulation and noise protection. The difference in price was marginal but it turned out putting in internal rollers to it would be a problem (since the upper tube hits a wall while a window is being fully opened). Two companies refused to assemble it, the third one did it, after I signed a declaration I would not complain about the outcome. Actually the problem has turned out to be inflated (I had taken measurements before commissioning the assembly), however such buffers (made by my father) had to be stuck to balcony doors (the most frequently opened) and once it gets warmer, I will have to buy a sample of while paint to cover them.

The socket in the kitchen for the dishwasher (separate circuit) was placed before I worked up the layout of the kitchen, including where the dishwasher is placed. The upshot is that an extension cord (meeting safety criteria) had to be used. Just for the record, the previous dishwasher socket was just next to and below water valves!

The unpainted (this still needs to be done) has pipe is another example of minor glitches I have overlooked. In the hall one can spot the old fuse box, if the bespoke shoe cabinet was four centimetres deeper, more shoes boxes would fit it, compartment for ironing board and drying rack in the bedroom wardrobe should have been located on the outer side, and so on and so forth…

All in all, I have not underestimated the expenses (building materials, labour charges and furniture set me back nearly exactly 1,500 PLN per sqm), however grossly underestimated the duration of the venture. Seven months lapsed between the purchase and the moment I moved in. Location and layout of the flat are nearly perfect, the place feels like home, finally!

To celebrate it, I organise Easter this year at my place, a culinary challenge ahead, though at my parents’ insistence, we shared the work.

For the very ending, a series of snaps for the sake of comparison: October 2018 when the remont was at its worst vs. yesterday. Oh, what a makeover!

Winter timeline 2018/19

For starters, a look back at a long-term forecast published on 30 August 2018 (sadly the substantiating page to which I link was deleted 6 months after publishing)/

October 2018 – temperature around long-term mean, or below, frequent rainfalls. Wrong – little rainfall and above-average temperatures!

November 2018 – no extremely high temperatures, yet sunny. Wrong – 2018 saw the warmest first decade of November in the history, with record-breaking temperatures reported in many places in Poland

December 2018 – higher mild winter, with high precipitation. Right, all in all.

January 2019 – instead of snow and freeze, lots of rain, with record-high temperatures. Wrong – temperature-wise very close to long-term average, with many sorts of precipitation.

February 2019 – mild winter to continue, Sparse snow and sub-zero temperatures. Right, pre-spring began early in 2019.

March 2019 – early onset of spring with lots of precipitation. Partly right – since indeed March was warm, yet very dry.

26 September 2018

First ground frost in Warsaw (two metres above ground temperature dropped to +1.1C), however in many placed in Poland sub-zero temperatures were measured just before dawn. This was a one-off incidence of chill, marking a sudden shift from late summer (+27C recorded mere five days earlier).

27 October 2018

I’m having my tyres changes for winter ones. Had it not been for a high likelihood of being quite busy over next two weekends, I would have put it back until 10 November, as over coming two weeks the temperature is projected to rarely drop below +7C, not to mention no sign of winter on the horizon.

17 November 2018

First frost this autumn (four days short of turning up record-late, as on 21 November 2017), bites firmly, since temperature at dawn falls to -4C. Anomalously warm late autumn has given way to pre-winter.

18 November 2018

First freezing rain this year, first sleet this year, all washed away by pouring rain in the evening. Road clearance services in Warsaw have not buggered up!

19 November 2018 – 27 November 2018

Ugly pre-winter with temperatures around zero, overcast sky (nearly no sunshine), chilly winds, frequent fogs, but little precipitation, including no snow.

28 November 2018 – 30 November 2018

We are shifting into thermal (sub-zero temperatures all day round) but snow-free winter mode. Finally lots of sunshine, somewhat obscured by smog, but chilly wind makes it feel like well below -10C.

November 2018 in terms of temperature was warm (though after the first half it stood the chance of being record-warm); Temperature in Warsaw averaged out +4.4C, vs. long-term mean of +3.2C. Stats:

- month-time high: +19.2C on 2 November 2018 (historical heat record broken),

- month-time low: –8.9C on 30 November 2018 (the end of the month was chilly),

- the warmest day: 2 November 2018 (daily average of whopping +14.4C),

- the coldest day: 30 November 2018 (daily average of –5.7C, what a contrast over mere four weeks).

1 December 2018

With a pre-dawn low of -12C December gives a cold welcome, but temperature inclines to -4C as the sun heats the earth up. Judging by long-term forecasts, double-digit frost should not repeat this year.

2 December 2018

Temperature soars overnight to cross the point of freezing in the morning. Still sunny and noticeably warmer.

3 December 2018 – 7 December 2018

On the verge of winter with some night-time frosts and nasty stuff typical for winter; freezing rain, hoar frost, sleet, freezing fog. Roads and pavements slippery.

8 December 2018 – 11 December 2018

A spell of rainy late autumn with temperatures above freezing and not a bit of sunshine.

12 December 2018

Most of Poland is hit by heavy snow or sleet turning roads and pavements into ice rinks. Warsaw escapes severe weather, except for sleet in the evening.

13 December 2018 – 15 December 2018

Temperature very close to zero. Little snow falls, even less of it lingers. Waiting for the first proper delivery of snow this winter.

16 December 2018

Finally, first decent snowfall! It snows by midday, but less than five centimetres of white powder accumulate. Judging by current predictions, it will be washed away before Christmas (though long-term forecasts have chopped and changed).

17 December 2018 – 19 December 2018

Temperature fluctuating between -6C and 0C. Skies are overcast, yet no precipitation is witnessed. The snow slowly evaporates.

20 December 2018

Still below zero. A little blizzard hits Warsaw during evening rush hour. Meteorologists warn the snow would soon turn into freezing rain as temperature is set to rise soon.

21 December 2018

More snow has fallen overnight, but it thaws out before dawn. Snows melt quickly in the rain.

22 December 2018

Whatever remnants of the white substance had escaped yesterday’s meltdown, have disappeared overnight. Up to +7C, with occasional rain and chilly wind. The annual Christmas thaw in overdrive.

23 December 2018

Gloomy. It snows in the afternoon, but mammoth snowflakes instantly melt. +5C and pouring rain in the evening.

24 December 2018

Snow falling in the morning and… melting. Sleet in the afternoon. A light dusting of snow in the evening, which lingers on some surfaces, yet too little to call it white Christmas.

25 December 2018

The sparse snow fallen yesterday evening disappears completely by midday. Temperature turns positive and according to most recent forecasts is about to stay above freezing by the end of the year.

26 December 2018 – 30 December 2018

Grey, rainy weather without a littlest bit of sunshine, nor frost.

31 December 2018

Of note are two hours of sunshine, first since two since weeks. Still balmy…

December 2018 was slightly warm. Average temperature in Warsaw was +1.5C (vs. long-term average of –0.7C) Stats:

- month-time high: +8.4C on 8 December 2018 (in recent years December’s highs were double-digit)

- month-time low: –11.8C on 1 December 2018 (oddly enough, beginning of December was the coldest, exactly like in 2010),

- the warmest day: 8 December 2018 (daily average of +7.8C, not around Christmas this year),

- the coldest day: 1 December 2018 (daily average of –8.1C),

- number of days with snow cover: 8,

- the highest snow depth: 5 centimetres on 21 December 2018.

1 January 2019

Warm and rainy beginning of 2019. But mild winter is just round the corner.

2 January 2019

Temperature drifting towards zero (the point of freezing is reached in the evening). In the morning – heavy rain, then sleet and snow, yet by late evening instantly melting.

3 January 2019

One sunny, frosty, windy, chilly day. Warsaw escapes an assault of winter which is struggled by many cities in Poland

4 January 2019

Still frosty. Snow showers begin around midday, but the layer of white powder is relatively thin, hence does not play havoc with the traffic.

5 January 2019

The weather is dynamic. In the morning heavy snow in temperature near zero, taking aback road clearance services for the first time since… long ago. By midday temperature rises to +2C and rain beings to melt the snow. In the evening the short thaw ceases, what has melted freezes up.

6 January 2019

Temperature below zero with gently falling snow. Still windy…

7 January 2019

As skies clear over, double-digit frost hits again. At dawn temperature drops to -12C, but then shoots up to reach -3C early in the afternoon.

8 January 2019

Morning brings freezing drizzle, then regular snow which ceases to fall in late afternoon, raising the layer of snow by some 3 centimetres. Temperature fails to creep above zero. Slippery… At the same time rain lashes down in western Poland (where they enjoy +5C and not a trace of lousy snow).

9 January 2019

Was supposed to thaw out for a while, but it didn’t. Instead, some two centimetres of new show have gently fallen. City clearance services bugger it all up both on roads and pavements this year. Slippery everywhere… I’ve had enough of winter…

10 January 2019

Chilly, around -6C over the day and with a little dose of new snow. For the record, weather across Poland has been marked by contrasts. Western part have stayed in late autumn (rain, sleet, temperature near zero) which central and eastern swathes are kept in winter’s grip. As I write it, at 9:00 p.m. temperature in Koszalin is +2C while in Suwałki thermometers show -16C.

11 January 2019

-10C at dawn. Little snow, then sunshine, then snow again. -3C in the evening. Note the weather is so dynamic that I cannot make a composite record even for two days in a row.

12 January 2019

The first day of thaw. Temperature of mere +1C does not let the snow melt quickly.

13 January 2019

Thaw steps up and gets rainy. Snow melts quickly.

14 January 2019

Another day of dynamic weather. In the morning it rains, then it cools down towards the point of freezing, but skies clear over. After sunset a freezing sleet or hell knows what hits southern fringes of Warsaw and turns roads and pavements into veritable ice rink, causing traffic chaos.

15 January 2019

Roads have been salted overnight, so moving about returns towards normalcy. After a cloudy, but snow-free it snows again in the evening (by tomorrow morning it melts).

16 January 2019 – 17 January 2019

All-out, incessant thaw. Rainy, cloudy, ghastly, grey.

18 January 2019

Getting colder. Several snow showers during the day, however temperature stays positive, so the snow does not linger.

19 January 2019 – 20 January 2019

Rather sunny, clement, kind of bright, though frosty (between -5C and 0C). No such thing as snow.

21 January 2019 – 24 January 2019

Sometimes gloomy and cloudy, sometimes sunny and bright, yet still without flurry. Single-digit frost.

25 January 2019

-6C, or minus six Celsius degrees. Flurry which hits in such temperature is crisp, thin and light, but road salt does not prove as effective as it is just below the point of freezing.

26 January 2019

Roads have been cleared up overnight. It begins to snow again in the afternoon, yet the precipitation is rather sparse.

27 January 2019

Temperature climbs to 0C. Winter is giving up for a while.

28 January 2019

Thaw comes over, up to +2C. Wet, thick snow falls in the evening and refuses to melt.

29 January 2019

A relatively warm day, with day-time high of +3C.

30 January 2019 – 31 January 2019

Colder. Temperature just above 0C and snow falling nearly incessantly and not necessarily melting.

January 2019 was normal; with no extremes and frequent through-zero movements and abundant icy conditions. Average temperature in Warsaw was –1.8C (vs. long-term average of –1.9C). Stats:

- month-time high: +6.6C on 1 January 2019 (compared to previous years not too warm),

- month-time low: –11.8C on 7 January 2019 (I wonder whether it drops any lower this winter),

- the warmest day: 17 January 2019 (daily average of +3.9C),

- the coldest day: 11 January 2019 (daily average of –6.9C),

- number of days with snow cover: 20,

- the highest snow depth: 8 centimetres on 11 January 2019.

1 February 2019

Mild thaw, a bright (at times sunny day).

2 February 2019 – 3 February 2019

The first intimation of spring. Temperatures near +10C, gusty southerly winds, partly cloudy, partly sunny.

4 February 2019

Out of the blue… Hits the morning snow. Dense, thick, heavy, falling in slightly sub-zero temperature partly lingers, partly turns into slush. By the end of day it is not gone, since with day-time high of +1C it refuses to melt quickly.

5 February 2019 – 6 February 2019

“Through zero” weather, meaning night-time frost (little below freezing) and day-time (mild) thaw. Frequent precipitation in form of snow of freezing rain = icy…

7 February 2019 – 11 February 2019

Noticeably warm days (close to double-digits), but cooler nights (close to zero). Little precipitation, moderate dose of sunshine. These days bring another whiff of pre-spring.

12 February 2019 – 13 February 2019

Somewhat colder (from mild frost to no more than +2C), chilly, cloudy, snow, sleet, drizzle.

14 February 2019 – 20 February 2019

Definitely not a winter weather. Positive temperatures nearly all the time, once nearing heat records, generally sunny or foggy, but with little rain or drizzle.

21 February 2019

The last day of the warm spell, a wet, rainy, dark day…

22 February 2019

Temperature plummets overnight from +4C to -5C, plus a light dusting of snow. Icy, chilly, but sunny

23 February 2019

The coldest morning this February followed by a rather sunny day. Warmth is bound to return tomorrow.

24 February 2019 – 28 February 2019

Getting warmer day by day. Although mornings bring temperatures close to zero, day-time highs drift towards double digits. Funnily enough, last year end of February saw temperatures dropping to -15C each dawn.

February 2019 was very warm. Average temperature in Warsaw was +3.2C (vs. long-term average of –1.0C). The weather was March-like with few incidences of wintery conditions. Stats:

- month-time high: +14.0C on 19 February 2019 (more than 3 degrees short of all-time record set on 25 February 1990),

- month-time low: –7.0C on 23 February 2019,

- the warmest day: 28 February 2019 (daily average of +7.2C),

- the coldest day: 22 February 2019 (daily average of –3.0C),

- number of days with snow cover: 8,

- the highest snow depth: 3 centimetres on 1 February 2019.

1 March 2019 – 3 March 2019

A bit of colder, with night-time frost. Gloomy.

4 March 2019 – 10 March 2019

Another assault of spring.. Temperature fluctuates between +2C and +16C. The period is characterized by gusty winds which blow the scent of spring, yet do not let feel the warmth. The notable event is the first thunderstorm this year on 9 March.

11 March 2019

A light dusting of snow fallen overnight… Melts quite fast, but reminds in mid-March saying the winter is over might be premature.

12 March 2019 – 16 March 2019

A string of windy and thus chilly (with actual temperature fluctuating between 0C and +10c nearly all the time) days. Spring not yet in the air and the full-blown one, as it hit in early April in 2016, 2017 and 2018 I sense is a long way off.

17 March 2019

Warm breeze, sunshine, scent of spring is in the air, +17C in the afternoon. But just for one day. I still believe Warsaw will be covered by snow in March or in early days of April.

18 March 2019 – 20 March 2019

Somewhat colder, even with morning frosts, chilly winds keep blowing.

21 March 2019 – 22 March 2019

Spring in the air, I adore that specific scent. Temperatures above +5C. Still waiting for the last snow this winter…

23 March 2019

6 a.m. – frost on grass, 2 p.m. – balmy +16C. Whiffs of warmth at this time of year are short-lasting.

24 March 2019 – 25 March 2019

Getting colder, i.e. single-digit temperatures. Cloudy, yet without rainfall.

26 March 2019

I waited for the last snow this winter and it came. It was meant to fall overnight, but came in the afternoon with a hailstorm, sending the temperature towards zero. Of note – it has not melted.

27 March 2019

After a frosty morning sunbeam melt probably the last snowflakes this… spring.

27 March 2019 – 31 March 2019

March has a warm ending with double-digit day-time highs. Long-term forecasts do no herald any relapse of winter.

March 2019 was warm. Average temperature in Warsaw was +6.0C (vs. long-term average of +2.8C). Impressive warm, yet colder than in 2014 (+7.0C) or 2017 (+6.2C). Stats:

- month-time high: +17.1C on 17 March 2019 (plenty of sunshine on that day),

- month-time low: –4.8C on 3 March 2019 (compare it to -15C measured in early March 2018),

- the warmest day: 4 March 2019 (daily average of +11.8C, thanks to night-time low of +8C),

- the coldest day: 2 March 2018 (daily average of –1.4C, see how quickly the temperature soared,

- number of days with snow cover: 2,

- the highest snow depth: 1 centimetre on 11 March 2019.

Two first days of April brought morning frosts (and clear blue skies), but then each day temperatures were inclining. Time to bid a farewell to winter weather!