Break-up & make-up

I have promised to write a longer post the break-up between my girlfriend and I. In the meantime the topic has been rendered outdated. We have decided to give ourselves a second try.

The decision wasn’t mine and I was not the one to reach out for the attempt to make up. At times I wonder whether such decisions as a matter of principle ought to be reversed, but I also keep in mind a Polish saying which says only a donkey doesn’t change their mind.

Crises hammer nails to coffins of weak relationships and solidify strong relationships. For the time being the relationship has proven strong.

We can draw on the first four good months, over which we have not quarrelled even once, we had mutual respect and seemed to be a perfect match. What went wrong then? To cut a long story short, this is not the right time for the diagnosis, as many questions are still being slowly answered.

As in case of each relationship crisis, two parties are always to blame (and I’m not about to quote a joke which says those are wife and mother-in-law). I need to work on myself and comprehend which of my traits had to be eradicated if I am to live under one roof with any woman and which are neutral and if are picked on, it is her fault, not mine.

I cannot pledge I feel a relief. There is fear of what future holds and uncertainty whether the relationship survives. Finally, I hold dear the universal tenet that upsides of a virus might prevail of downsides.

The pandemic and consequent isolation also change the perspective. Before the break-up was reversed, I had to carry on in absolute isolation, could not do what people used to do to get over in such situation. All forms of socialising were considered irresponsible. I believe, brushing aside the time necessary to get over, I would not reinstall Tinder for several weeks, because of the pandemic (when I was using it, the daily number of new inflection was never higher than 800).

I hereby for the record thank my friends: Kasia, Agnieszka, Marcin and Bartek who have spent hours on the phone keeping my company in that difficult time. Although they will not read it, they realise how grateful I am to them.