After the exam, again

Finish line on the second level crossed yesterday. Several months of preparations; run-up period spent at home poring over practice exams and revising and for the sake of peace of mind, being detached from work. Despite having decided to quit, I refused to let up and still attempted to save the Company from its own destructive forces. Sounds shitty, as it is. I had some time to think things over and examine the direction I am drifting. There are upsides and downsides. The crucial one is while I dive deeper into work, life begins to have one dimension. If I care too much about work-related stuff, all the other issues recede into the background. If the New Factory turns out to be n merciless time-occupier, the call for rethinking the priorities will be even more compelling…

Back to yesterday… Level I was a totally new experience. This time the challenge was not a novelty. Still, it is a men’s world (again, more than eighty percent of candidates were male), I did not feel quite old as in December 2012 (much fewer students) and I met some of my university classmates, most of who ended up in big four (the career path chosen by the biggest percentage of SGH graduates, the one I have shied away from). Besides the feeling is pretty similar. The (first and hopefully the last – I seem to have fared well) attempt to tackle Level II from purely technical point of view was no different than what I went through one and a half years ago. I approached the issue stolidly practically. At some stage of preparations, namely on Thursday, I reached a point of saturation. I could not take in nor digest any more knowledge. I had studied since September 2013 diligently and in the last moment odds to effectively catch up were marginal. I fully realised during the exam I would encounter at least one question that would bring me to my knees (and did not mistake), but on the other hand knew such questions would be few (also right). The practical approach is not to have ambitions to have one of the highest scores on Earth. The goal is to pass; as much and as little. The results are due on 12 August. Now the wisest strategy is to forget about the experience for a while and enjoy the summer while I can.

Back to my mindset. I have noticed as time goes by, it takes more to impress me. If there was something which really moved me in the last weeks, it was the confession by Justyna Kowalczyk who publicly admitted she was struggling depression. Some show her respect for courage to speak about the (shameful) disease publicly, some argue this is an example of washing dirty linen in public and she does not deserve any compassion. When I watched at her, read interviews with her, I realised she has no makings of a celebrity. Without any insight into her psyche, I could hazard a guess personal life (lack of partner, unreciprocated love) had the greatest impact on her problems. I suppose had there been somebody beside her, she could have had more strength to overcome symptoms of depression.

Celebrations of 25th anniversary of partly-free elections – fulsome. Reverent coverage of Mr Obama’s visit – fulsome. US president’s speech – insincere.

On Friday I went to cinema to watch Powstanie Warszawskie. Was not the best choice for putting mind to rest before the exam, but never mind. The film has taken its toll on me, but once I read most of the recovered scenes had been shot in the first days of the Uprising when there was supply of current water and people were not dropping like flies from spreading diseases, it turned out the picture of humanitarian disaster was quite mild compared to what Warsaw actually witnessed in the autumn of 1944. Two hundred thousand residents of Warsaw dead, almost the whole left side of the capital obliterated, survivors driven out of the City and the Stalin’s Army waiting on the east bank of Vistula, waiting for Warsaw to bleed its last. Gruelling…