Online dating – second chapter… not closed yet

I have not stuck to my resolution to stay away from Tinder for a while, at least until lockdown restrictions were eased or I cooled off. Some say the application is addictive, but I put down setting up a renewed profile on Tinder in late April to lockdown-driven blues. Surrounded by the walls of my flat, I longed for a company (socially, but also physically).

Girl 5, Natalia, aged 29.

We met on Monday, 4 May. Cafes and restaurants were still closed so the only option was a walk and… a meal at a park (Natalia had baked a cake for that occasion). I had a quite nice evening, broke out of home for a good few hours to lift my moods, though we both knew the chemistry was badly missing and were well-mannered enough to speak it out. Since then we texted a few times.

Girl 6, Marta, aged 29

She was one of two girls who texted me first. In terms of proactivity, Tinder is quite conservative and men are broadly expected to start a conversation. She wanted to buy a bike and asked if I could advise her – an ingenious idea on how to pick up a boy. We met first in a bicycle shop on Wednesday, 13 May, then went for a walk. Over the first hour the conversation did not go beyond small talk, but I decided to take one more chance and asked if I could drive her home. The chat went on track in the car, then we talked for around an hour upon parking outside her block of flats. We met again three days later. I bought strawberries, made a cake and took her for a picnic at the shore of Vistula. The afternoon was chilly, yet the date was more than good. Next three days later we met again, the date spontaneously ended in her flat and lasted until next morning. The abrupt acceleration of the relationship also brought forward its end, as truth be told, we were not a perfect match, or straightforwardly, did not fit each other (yet it transpired early). It was the second time I learnt “no ONS, no FwB” in a description means “don’t start a conversation asking if we could have sex; instead prove you deserve to shag me”. Took me some two or three days to get over the experience and realise why people make off after an intercourse instead of eating a breakfast together.

Girl 7, Magda, aged 28

On Sunday, 24 May I was matched with her, as she was seeking a partner to attend a wedding with. I did not feel like texting, so I asked her out for a coffee two days later. Mere seven days after the most recent “adventure” I felt remorse to date another girl and pretend to be a kind guy. We drank two teas and then went for a walk, the meeting lasted over three hours and we declared to stay in touch. Two days later I was quite confused to learn she wanted a friend, not a boyfriend, which was quite puzzling to me, as this does not seem a reason to use a dating application. I thanked for the nice evening and we cut each other off.

Girl 8, Kasia, aged 31

We met on Tuesday, 2 June. She is a book worm, so I decided to take her to a bookshop where we spent around the first hour of the date talking about books, then moved on to drink a coffee. The chemistry was missing at least on my side, however we agreed to stay in touch and exchange opinions about books. Until today we text each other a few times a week, hence I actually have another person who shares my interests (since the beginning of the lockdown I have read more than 20 books which before had been my yearly count).

Girl 9, Kasia (and here names begin to repeat), aged 36

After a few days of writing one message per day she insisted on a face-to-face meeting. I agreed. We met on Saturday, 6 June. Out of all girls met on Tinder, she was the oldest (though later I learnt she used to be in a long-term relationship) and seemed extremely shy. After the first day, I could not say it made no sense, therefore I decided to give it a second try. On Corpus Christi I repeated the rehearsed scenario of taking a girl out to a beach and felt guilty on account of this. Cross my heart, this was the most disastrous date I had this year and prayed for its end. I drove her home and experienced a sigh of relief after she got off. The next day I texted her there was no use in trying any harder and wish luck in searching. I thought the time was right to give up dating for some time as the pace of taking next attempts accelerated too rapidly, to the extent I could call dating a sport, but my will was not the strongest in that respect.

Girl 10, Natalia, aged 32

We met the day before yesterday, we meet today. Time will tell how the story unfolds.

Tinder is given a bad name by several people who have never used it. Allegedly, looking for a life companion there resembles looking for a needle in a haystack.  Supposedly, it is a cluster of people with several sort of psychological problems. Most people do not get ahead there and say the application can get you down. I, conversely, see more upsidse. It bolstered my self-confidence, boosted social skills, finally, I realised again being alone is superior to being by someone’s side but not feeling comfortable. Thanks to Tinder I will have some nice memories from the lockdown.

Despite several drawbacks of the application, most of which can be overcome by being selective in choice of potential partners, it has one huge advantage. The law of big numbers works here in practice and is probably the only place where one can scores of people one would not stand a chance to meet in daily life, no matter how active and social it would be.

The biggest downside is the repeatable scheme of writing, then dating, which in fact is checking whether you would pair up lacks the chemistry appearing gradually, which is observable when you meet people in different circumstances in real life.