Half-year into

Just for the record, to save my mindset for posterity and mark exactly six months ago we first kissed.

It has been the first serious (rather than just occasional dating or going out) relationship I have been in since student times (the previous one had been terminated a month before I set up this blog, with little regret, we had just let it go), so over these years spent single I have moved on, grown mature on my own, I am not the same man I was over eight years earlier. I have developed self-limitations, habits and inhibitions which had to be overcome when I had to learn to reckon with a presence of another person in my life.

Looking for a candidate for life companion had not been easy, there had been many failures, rejections, disappointments and flawed decisions along the way. It used to hurt and taught me to keep my distance towards women. For some reason, the fear of rejection vanished into the air when I met my girlfriend.

From the very beginning it was not a bed of roses as it should have been by the books. As for first months, there were too many moments it could fall apart, but it has not. There were so many swings in my approach towards her. At times breaking up was an even more conceivable option than mending this relationship. We have hurt each other several times, but emerged stronger out of each crisis, we have learnt to talk openly to each other, thus we have become true close friends. The relationship is about communicating one’s needs, about reaching compromise. Affections and emotions are crucial, yet insufficient to build something long-term that would withstand ups and downs of daily life and problems.

Having written all of that, I remain uncertain of what the future of this relationship would be. Some say at the age of (nearly) 30 a man should judge after half a year whether a woman he dates has all makings of a good wife. And I do realise I have little time to decide whether to hold on or let go, and for sake of being honest to her and to myself, I will need to do this soon.