Premonitions

I consider myself a down-to-earth and rational guy. My long-term decisions are rather well-though-out, grounded in analysis and stand to some reasons, while short-term choice happen to be made on the spur of the moment. I believe to some extent in fate, albeit find a rational explanation for twist.

May the called off trip to the USA serve as an example. My problems with spine had lasted for years, I strained it in warm months in the run-up to the cancelled holidays, so a logical chain of events leading up to my injury could be lined up. But when I turn off my brain, my heart tells me the fate has violently prevented me from popping the question. Since that serious health crisis the relationship has gone downhill, especially since it is easier to recognise how lousy it is when things go wrong.

At the turn of year I was down with flu. Being preoccupied with work and charity in the last quarter of the year explains why my immune system was weakened and why the course of the illness was quite severe. On those short, cold days spent mostly in bed I had a recurring premonition 2026 would bring a really tragic life-changing, yet not precisely defined event. I could imagine decease of one of my parents, a serious health crisis, a serious damage to my property or financial assets or something I would be recovering from for months. The only such event so far were the aforementioned problems with spine, with full recovery lasting around a year.

The premonition could have been logically caused by protracted stress experienced in 2025: struggling with my own health, my parents’ health, break-up and uphill dating, burn-out in Szlachetna Paczka, burn-out at work and a long fight to get promoted. None of those events is particularly brutal, but if they pile up and one has little room to regenerate, they can turn one’s hair more grey.

So far, the fears have not materialised. The worst that has happened to me was having my wrist mangled by the aggressive dog, but the recovery goes well, despite my thumb being numb several times a day.

Future-wise, I have grown obsessed with attempting to stay physically and mentally fit until old age, which I believe is overall positive. Since the beginning of Lent I have given up on sweets and salty snacks altogether and don’t miss it. After the accursed intoxication, I have given up alcohol for hell knows how long. Restriction for physical strain after being bite by the dog have prevented me from exercising daily and more intensive effort, but at least I walked for an hour each day.

The shape of my future fills me with some dread. Sociologists predict by 2030 45% of population under 40 would be single (quotation source needed, I read it, but can’t trace it back). With a growing self-focus finding a female life companion willing to raise a family might be difficult, not because I am not attractive enough and women would prefer more handsome or resourceful men, but because they will need no man at all. What humans want from life has changed. At some moments I suppose humanity is bound to extinct and it makes to point to preserve it from facing its despicable fate.