Guardian Angel conversation – follow-up

Exactly six months have gone by since I posted here the memorable (imaginary) dialogue between my Guardian Angel and me. One could argue whether it makes any sense to revert to it, my Guardian Angel has seen everything from above, the affection even half a year ago was in a point of no return, so why? Firstly, to satisfy curiosity of those readers who wonder how I’ve moved on; secondly (and mostly, given number of understatements in this post and how much is written between the lines) for myself, to bear testimony of my state of mind and to save it for posterity.

Chapter 1 – “No pieces to pick up”

October 2012

First days are an intense battle with several ups and downs. I tell my Soulmate about the dream of bleeding. To my surprise, she changed her mind very quickly. She had persuaded me to fight till I hit the wall and now she claims the purport of the dream is not coincidental – I should stop bleeding, any sacrifices will get me nowhere, I need to purify my soul…

With time I learn to control my psyche. Whatever it is – defence mechanisms, coping strategies or resilience, I learn how to cope with emotional pain. A friend interested in psychology tells me these mental safety valves I’ve taken control of should work in my subconscious and if a human learns how to manipulate them to ease the pain, it’s a pathology. Her claim makes sense, I’ve grown immune to some emotions, but on other hand I’ve become emotionally numb. Have I been actually doing well? I could tell everyone znieczulenie (literally: anaesthesia) worked fine… Side effect – three kilograms down within one month and I’m on the verge of being underweight according to Body Mass Index (by today I’m put on only two out of those three).

November 2012

The znieczulenie seems to work well, but some days I feel like somebody cuts off morphine… One day I hear this and it brings about revelation – I embrace the naturalness and indispensability of what I feel…

Around the middle of the month defence mechanisms break down, coping strategies pack up and resilience is called into question. For the last two days before leaving for two weeks off before the exam I simply feel like yelling… Two days of separation and it ceases to haunt me. I manage to focus on learning and swot up at full steam.

1 December 2012

Exam day. I turn up to the exam centre far before check-in gates open, just like a Pole cautiously arriving early at the airport :) During the wait I recall Her words “You’re young, you have to learn a lot to earn a livelihood for a family, I still hope somebody will earn a livelihood for Me”. Was I supposed to read between the lines the message She wanted me to do it for Her, or was it just a general statement? Here and now I can be only sure I’m taking this exam for myself. During the midday break my thought again drift away in the wrong direction… I ask myself why? She doesn’t care… I return to the cold room, pull myself together and get ahead.

Chapter 2 – “No dust to sweep”

First week of December 2012. Upon my return She tells me she hopes I pass it and doesn’t want me bring shame on our employer. I smirk… From the very beginning I’m overloaded with work and catch-up for the “holiday” period. In a surge of laziness I tell my Soulmate I lack energy to plug away. She advises me to take a sick leave. I say there is no reason why any doctor would write it out for me. The Soulmate points out her friend got it for a “broken heart”, so why I couldn’t I. I reply immersing in work might be a cure for a broken heart, but not in my case. Everyone around can hear it, some look at us with dread or astonishment. There’s nothing to be proud about, but have I done something I should be ashamed of?

11 December 2012

My 25th birthday. She stand-offishly congratulates me on entering the adulthood and shakes my hand. Her palm is cold and bony, her grip no longer gentle and delicate. The distance between us is longer than ever…

Soon after

Her birthday. She’s older than me. In a year it will be a round number. I wish Her that all He dreams come true and that She is always happy, minding myself to stay at least one and a half metres away from Her. In Scandinavian culture this is the borderline of intimacy I promise myself not to overstep (never again). This all plunges me into another yelling phase.

I return home and begin to browse job advertisements… I find an opening for a very similar position with a renowned competitors of my employer. I update my CV and string together a very decent letter of application, then send the set of documents. When I realise I’ve done it not for job-related reason, but in a fit of pique, a potential employer has my application in its HR inbox.

When I return to the state of full sanity it occurs maybe new job is not a bad idea. I begin to play hard with my current employer – if I’m about to stay, why not getting a compensation for having to see Her? I bluff to my manager I’m about to have a commitment letter from another employer and threaten to potentially leave in February. My declaration strikes him out of the blue and wipes the smile off his face. He seems determined to keep me in…

In the meantime the “Natalia story” plays out in the background. There were two other women I met at that time, one before Natalia, one before it falls apart and after. Lesson learnt: never try going out with somebody out of desperation.

January 2013

I accept an invitation for an interview with another employer. I think I’m doing quite well, because I’m warned by would-be manager is an arsehole. I’m self-assured, self-confident and at times rude. This impresses him… I ask myself whether I’d want to sell my soul to a devil. My current boss is anything, but complex-ridden, we have the same sense of humour, are generally on the same wavelength and he instantly launched the process of persuading me to stay… Is it worth losing it? Lesson learnt: decisions impacting career should not be taken when you’re overcome by emotions.

22 January 2013

I get the exam results. I call my manager to pass on the good news, in return he informs he’s received all approvals for my promotion and pay rise. I ask him to make this pass unnoticed, he agrees. I step up efforts not to let Her find out about my successes. Seemingly it’s over, so why do I act like this? Tit for tat? My boss hands me annex to job contract in private, news of passed exam are dosed selectively – those who ask get the news, She doesn’t… Promotion and considerable salary hike are not a breakthrough, nor add me any self-confidence. Nothing actually changed. What a funny twist of fate…

Chapter 3 – “Not a single particle of oxygen to let it breathe”

For all this time life has run its course. Heart and mind had parted company long before and their path have not converged till now. It’s even better, I’ve always stayed totally sane (with a small exception of applying for a job, but that’s done me only good), done well at work and in everyday life.

Let’s face the truth. It not only couldn’t work out… It not only stood no chance to work out… It had no accursed right to work out and on top was doomed to fail…

She wouldn’t be happy with me. I wouldn’t be happy with Her. For Her part, She needed somebody of Her age, offering Her stability and financial safety, something I could give Her within a few years, but not when I was 24… and not when we had a “common” source of income. And for She was on that stage of life when a woman runs out of time for waiting… Formal obstacles can be gone around, if you want, you’ll always find a way, but age difference does matter and will always make itself felt. For my part, there’s one fundamental reason why there was no chance for a happy ending – you can’t be with somebody you don’t trust… I’d never really trusted Her and time only proved my intuition right…

It no longer hurts, but it still itches. We see each other almost every day, but apart from “hi” we talk only when we really have to. I still find this mind-boggling… She would whisper to me about Her inmost desires, fears and plans for future. We both were gradually cutting short the flow of information between us, now I know nothing about what happened in Her life over the last months. I would hazard a guess She’s generally happy, but judging only by the way She behaves, you wouldn’t tell it. I suppose She’d prefer not to see me any more (I’d also rather not see Her) and given all the circumstances, Her reasoning is to some extent justifiable. To some extent, yet not entirely. The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt Her (and I’ll probably never find out whether I did it) and let’s speak it out… it takes two to tango… So maybe She has remorse…

A few months ago I was telling myself I would break away if I understood what this actually was. I had to give up on it. There are more questions and answers and odds to strike a balance between are close to zero. Understanding is out of reach and despite this I’ve broken away… I’m free, yet wounds haven’t fully healed, but I’m sure it’s just a matter of time.

News review

It’s Easter, festive period then tradition should be nurtured. One of such “traditions” during my English classes when I was a third- or fourth-year student was delivering to the group a “news update” twice in each semester – five topical news items, preferably from world of business and politics. Let’s bring back those beautiful days and see what’s going in Poland on this silent, snowy Easter Monday.

Stooq, portal for speculators cites Information Radio Agency which, at behest of the Central Tax Office reminds restaurant-owners and waiters about their duty to pay tax on tips. Tips, received either directly by waiters serving clients, or collected by restaurant owners in jars, are nothing else but income which is subject to taxation and concealing such money from the tax office is a tax evasion. The case is serious, as tax rate on concealed, but eventually detected income is 75%. Waiters do not hold back their outrage at the obligation to pay the tax and declare collective disobedience.

Bankier.pl informs about a revolutionary idea hatched by the Polish Ministry of Finance. The guts-hated, country-wide network of speed cameras will be developed under public-private partnership. As early as in July 2013 every citizen will be allowed to put up their own speed camera and snap speeding motorists, provided they link it the police’s database. Each camera-owner will have a share in income from collected fines of 10% - 20%. This income, just as tips in restaurants, will be subject to taxation. An important remark is that income, thanks to advanced IT solutions creating links between database of camera-owners and fined drivers will be automatically offset with due fines, so speed-camera owners will not have to pay fines directly, they will be deducted from their income at they end of each year. Such venture is not a cheap one in terms of start-up costs though. A brand-new speed camera will set you back some 10,000 PLN, therefore the Ministry of Finance declares to run a new scheme of preferential loans called “speed camera for the poor”, allowing to purchase a camera on 0% instalments. Moreover, the unemployed who cannot afford to buy a camera might lease it…

Gazeta.pl provides with a link to a page containing a long-awaited recipe how to check who’s been viewing your profile on facebook. Check it out! Finally you’ll be able to find out who’s been stalking you, who’s interested in you, etc. There’s a loophole in Facebook page’s source code. One line added to a system file on a computer from which you log-on to the social networking site activates the much-desired facility…

In the meantime, Warsaw pages of Gazeta.pl notify of a new regulations concerting sorting rubbish. For the time being you had to segregate glass, paper and plastics, from July 2013 the list of types of litter will be extended to seven items: white glass, coloured glass, paper, tins, plastic, other litter and organic waste. The very last item is the most controversial, as the capital’s authorities put forward to encourage dwellers of detached, semi-detached and terraced house to recycle this kind of waste on their own and to give them compost bins and grant a 10 PLN reduction in litter collection charge. The idea brought about uproar among councillors. Probability of the new decree taking effect as of 1 July 2013 is kind of low, as there’s too little time to put out a tender for servicing such advanced system of sorting out rubbish…

One of the most popular portals, Onet.pl, disturbs peace of its readers with a horrific weather forecast. The ongoing winter spell will last by June. Sub-zero temperatures and abundant snow showers will linger for two months on. Ministry of economy encourages road-clearance companies and property administrators to stock up in salt, as salt depots are running low of stock, despite salt mines running at full capacity…

TVN24.pl brings great news for those longing to be invisible. Scientists publishing in “New Jurnal of Phisics” claim the coat they have invented is made out of the thinnest material ever used and they are just a step away from conjuring up the chemical substance letting a creature cloaked in it become invisible… This has not been the first attempt to come up with such an invention. I only wonder if moves of such an invisible man would be audible. If so, they would give them away, giving scientists another opportunity to improve their work.

Interia.pl covers the draft of a new EU directive aimed at disciplining car users. Each car, even used will have to be equipped in a display, put up above the rear-view mirror, showing if the passengers have fasten their belts. The device should be visible from outside and thus force passengers to obey the safety rules. Social pressure harnessed to reduce the death toll on the roads. How commendable and why so late? The worst thing is that obligatorily installed device will set back every car owner about 250 EUR. Was any lobbyist involved?

Wirtualna Polska sees the end of traditional tills. They will be superseded by small, mobile devices and space saved on this will be utilized to increase showroom areas. The solution is now being implemented in the United States, if you happen to prove successful and increase profits of merchants, they are likely to take root around the world.

And for the very end, a quick look at gullet press website. I stare at Fakt.pl (Polish daily for the least demanding readership) and have absolutely no idea what is true and where authors could have played prank. Absurdities overwhelm me…

And the weather outside the window… funnily enough is not a joke… 0C and it keeps snowing…

Trust in banking sector lost?

It was supposed to be a busy weekend and turned out to be even more busy than I had expected, so just a short note…

The bombshell of the week was the decision to levy a one-off tax on bank deposits in Cyprus. The tidings such a measure was about to be introduced struck me out of the blue. I was aware banks registered in the Mediterranean island divided between Greek and Turkish zones were ailing, I knew Polish banks for months had refused to accept letter of credits and guarantees issued by Cypriot banks, I realised how big exposure of those banks to Greek bonds was, I knew the country enjoyed the status of tax haven, thus attracting businessmen who eagerly had registered their holding companies there.

And now this small economy is on a brink of collapse, chiefly due to fragility of its overgrown banking system and reliance on income from low-rate taxation. The country will probably recover, with substantial help in form of emergency loans, but its citizens will be bearing the brunt of the crisis for years to come.

The recent plan to seize a percentage of deposits amassed in Cypriot banks is an unprecedented expedient undermining trust in banking sector. For years people have been taught to put their money to banks, as this guaranteed safety. Polish banking law defines banking activity as such where risk is taken away from a depositor by an entity having the status of ‘bank’. All developed countries have deposit insurance system which serves as safety valve preventing depositors from rushing to banks en masse to withdraw their money.

This seems to be the thing of the past. It turns out if a country is on a string of creditors, in order to avoid insolvency the country has to meet even the most unlawful requirements lenders come up with… After days of haggling and fighting growing social unrest, Cypriot government today reached a deal with EU / INF creditors. The one-off tax of 4% or 20% will be levied only on deposits above 100,000 EUR (the only question is whether it will cover only surplus above the threshold) and recent news say nothing of any form of compensation for depositors.

Exactly… The most interesting thing about the whole media coverage of Cyprus bank tax is that in most cases the aspect of compensation has been omitted. Several economists spoke about a brazen rip-off, while few stressed depositors at least a few days ago were planned to be given shares in their banks in return. This reveals the other side of the coin. If somebody does not need their money within a few months, this might turn out to be a great deal. If the price at which shares are granted reflect the banks’ dire standing and those bank are restructured successfully, depositors will earn a superb return. Why almost nobody mentioned this? In such shape, the Cyprus bank tax would be a classic example of conversion of debt to equity. Raising capital and reducing liabilities of banks would increase their resilience and help rebuild trust in them. With such compensation scheme in place, the whole plan hangs together and I would dare to say, is well-devised. Oddly enough, I am one of the few fellows discerning upsides of the operation; the operation which again proves the easiest way to raise money is to go where money can be found easily…

Executives’ salaries – should they be capped?

My employer, a stock-listed financial institution has recently published its annual report. Shareholders have a reason to be cheerful – despite tough macroeconomic conditions, shrinking revenues and assets base, the institution fetched a much higher net profit (thanks to successful downsizing, which if continued, may any day wipe out my position) than in 2011, but in the meantime earnings of management board members dropped by on average 20%. This is kind of peculiar, as we have already got used to ever-rising salaries and bonuses of fat cats…

Even if we have got used, it means we (as society) tolerate it as best, as we cannot change it. Cannot? The example of Switzerland, where 68% of voters supported in a referendum an initiative of capping salaries, bonuses and severance packages of top executives of stock-listed companies gives lie to such assertion. The news from Switzerland are staggering mostly because this country is perceived as home of liberal capitalism… Someone had enough power and determination to draw a line…

But even if you are a free-market advocate…Start over… Especially if you are a free-market advocate, should not you come to think something is amiss if one person earn a significant fraction of the whole big corporation’s yearly pre-tax income? In Poland people are outraged if a CEO of a big company or a bank earns 2 million zloty per year. In Switzerland amounts which evoked outrage are twenty times higher… Why so much? Is work of one man really so valuable for a company?

My first guess is that level of executives’ remuneration is a matter of ‘rotten consensus’, saying those ‘top dogs’ simply have to earn zillions, which in turn influences market valuation of top positions – if all companies pay an outstanding (indeed?) manager 2 million per year, if another company decides to pay only 1 million, no outstanding manager would be eager to work there… Such mechanism, probably in practice, keeps salaries of top executives sky-high. Free market would not solve this problem, as all companies would have to concertedly cut salaries of their managers so that the new equilibrium of this narrow spot of labour market is set. If free market is helpless, citizens of Switzerland decided the government, as lawmaker, should get to grips with this pathology…

But actually why do we care? The first cries of outrage at flawed remuneration schemes were heard in first quarter of 2009, when bankers from bailed-out financial behemoths granted themselves bonuses, as if performance of their institutions had been exemplary. The key justification for bringing unruly bankers to the heel was the support they were receiving from taxpayers’ purses. OK, how about the current situation then, when taxpayers do not contribute to sky-high pays? If an executive’s remuneration is excessive, it may hit: other employees, who earn disproportionately less than the executive, the company’s clients, who indirectly bear costs of management and, at most, the company’s shareholders – salaries are expenses which bring down profit before tax, and consequently their income. This is why the Swiss law should cover only stock-listed companies – it is aimed at protecting shareholder’s value from being depleted by fat cats.

Going back to rationales why executives are so highly-paid – some argue it is by dint of the responsibility they take. They sign hundreds of documents, work out and approve strategies of companies they run. Without them a company could practically work, but due to formal limitations, it cannot, without their approvals it would cease to operate normally very quickly. But at the end of the day, this argument can be disproved easily – in the worst case if they make wrong decisions, they may be fired and nothing else bad happens to them – do they take responsibility with their own money for flawed decisions? No! Firstly because with such provision nobody would like to take up such job, secondly, because they acted in the best interest of the company, they cannot be called to account and they retain the right to claim a generous severance package…

When almost a year ago my company announced it would lay off 10% of its staff, the CEO organised a chat with all employees. One of them dared to ask whether the CEO thought it was OK to cash in a very big salary and fire hundred of people. The answer was nobody should be outraged at it, as if it was not him, someone else would earn that money. Rising to the position of CEO of a big company is only a matter of combination of luck, skill and hard work. So the door is open, but why so can climb to the top of their ladder? Incidentally my colleagues and I condensed his purport into one sentence: “any (moron) can become a CEO”. This means it is not a specific person, who, on account of their unique combination of skills, knowledge and experience, earns zillions, it is a CEO, who on account of holding such position, earns millions. The foregone conclusion is then that remunerations of top executives are loosely tied to value they add to companies.

Scale of scandals concerning disproportionate bonuses in Poland is much lower than in Western Europe. The most recent object of public outrage are executives of PL 2012 – the company which co-ordinated preparations for and execution of last year’s football championship in Poland. The event was not a complete disaster, so both guys received over a million-zloty high bonuses. Without going into details, the fact they were rewarded so generously was in the opinion of many immoral, but indisputably not illegal. Here is the case. If parties of a contract voluntary agree for a specific terms and conditions of employment and remuneration, should anyone be allowed to interfere? In the public sector indeed, as at the end taxpayers funds these bonuses, and even if it is private sector, there is a possibility of accusing the one who signed such contract with remuneration not tied to performance of mismanagement. The very act of accusation is simple, but path to proving this and holding somebody accountable is long, windy and full of potholes just like Polish roads after winter.

If we touch upon legal aspects, it is not purely about law, it is about circumventing it. And when big money is at stake, some money is worth being sacrificed to save or earn much more money. Managerial contracts, which are a form of self-employment in Poland are a way of circumventing the salary cap law which sets upper limits of remunerations in public sector. They have one more advantage – they allow to pay a flat 19% corporate income tax instead of falling into second, 32% bracket of personal income tax…

Do not worry about the rich, they are sly, powerful and resourceful enough to foster their interests. They will always hire lobbyists to protect themselves and lawmakers will always find it hard to put up resistance to powerful lobbies. Therefore I see a long way ahead before proponents of pay cap law in Switzerland. The lobby of executives will point out it will have negative impact on quality of management and will scare everyone with visions of the world falling apart without high-paid executives. The only plausible aftermath is that the new law will surely have loopholes and someone would benefit from advising how to circumvent it…

Fifty Shades of Grey - book review

Beware, it’s going to be nasty…

Funnily enough all reviews of the book in the Polish press somehow escaped my notice and it was mother from who I learnt about its existence and all the hype surrounding it. With hindsight I can tell there’s far more hype than it’s worth… OK, don’t I put cart before the horse…

It’s kind of hilarious my mother asks me whether I heard about recently translated into Polish, world-wide recognised erotic novel, which many deem to be the best-selling porn book ever. My mother found out about the existence of the book at the local library she visits frequently and signed up in a queue for the only copy of that book. So far, she has not borrowed it…

I turned out to be too impatient to wait weeks and too reluctant to spend over 30 zlotys on a book I’d read once (with hindsight – it’d sell on allegro for 20 PLN easily) and felt insecure about the quality of the translation (so much can be done into awkwardly, much can be lost), so I took a dive into search engine and within a quarter found a copy of original edition, put some scratch paper into my printer and came into possession of “Fifty Shades…”

“Fifty Shades…” are just a first part of trilogy. I went through it and despite having two other stored on my hard disk, I totally don’t feel like exploring their content… It took me four weekends to read all 26 chapters, while many readers found the book so riveting they read it from cover to cover without putting the book away.

Shortly before Valentine’s Day I saw in it EMPIK among books on love. Love… Maybe much depends how you define love, I differentiate it markedly from desire, affection, sex, romance, fascination and other feelings and phenomena by means of simplification are often called love, but this is not a book about love. Putting it into such category seems to be a misunderstanding.

Having read the book, I find the extreme popularity of the book even more mind-boggling and its content anything but mind-blowing. Actually it has to be noted the book is really popular with women, while I read only one review of it written by a male and this “work of art” (watch out, overstatement in use) can bring about nothing more than erection - means “Fifty Shades…” have more or less the same cognitive value as a cheap porn film…

Curiosity killed the cat – I admit this was the first erotic book I read, and, without avowing, will quite likely be the last one. The book doesn’t lack the plot, but frankly speaking I found it too hackneyed, predictable to make the reading worthwhile. The narrative style of writing is often hard to follow and several times made me lose thread. Vocabulary used is in some parts exquisite (from 300 pages I learnt some 20 new English words), but generally, some words and expressions repeat far too often and descriptions of sexual practices strike with their simplicity (maybe it could be put down to the fact the heroine is just discovering sexual pleasures and loses her virginity as the story unfolds) and coarseness (I found the use of word “fuck” to describe intercourse absolutely unacceptable).

If anyone looks for a book about love… I’d rather you refrained from reading this at all. If you want to have a try anyway, I recommend you borrow it rather than buy, will be just a waste of time, but will save your money. What in my view best describes what the book deals with is “perverse fascination”. From the first page the relationship between the two main characters of the book is anything but normal. Right, there situations in life when you are enchanted with somebody the very moment you meet them for the first time. In the popular culture it’s called “love at first sight”; in my books this is a misnomer, as people grow to love with time, whereas what crops up at first sight might be only desire or fascination. Back on the track – I don’t find it conventional to found a relationship on a written contract stipulating rights and responsibilities of both parties and naming one of them “Dominant” and one of them “Submissive”. Well, truth be told I’ve never found such division of roles exciting, maybe I lack testosterone and this is the reason why the book doesn’t take my fancy.

I think I’m reaching the core – most readers found detailed (although crude) descriptions of sex most appalling in “Fifty Shades…”, while they simply didn’t strike me much. Maybe indeed many people’s sexual lives lack diversity, experiments, spontaneity and they blushed when reading about what the missed. What I found most dreadful passed unnoticed in all reviews and comments I read online, both in Polish and in English – it’s the book’s heroine, Ana Steel’s mindset – what she feels at certain stages of fascination of her totally unrealistic relationship with Christian Grey. Most women so captivated by the book identify with what she experiences and dream of being in her skin and as a man I’m horrified by their hidden dreams and stifled desires!!!

Christian Grey seems ideal and at first sight already unreal. A 27-year-old man might be extremely handsome and captivating, but will never be as rich beyond compare as Mr. Grey, CEO of Grey Enterprise Holdings Inc. is. Actually taking into account how much he buys Ana and how she (reluctantly) accepts these gifts, she at least appears to be his mistress (near the end of the book she realises it looks that way), not to call her a whore. But on the other hand Mr. Grey has a dark side – his broken psyche – he is unable to build a normal relationship with a woman. Do some women dream of having their relationship with a wealthy, handsome man governed by a contract setting do’s, don’ts, limits and obligations? Do some women dream of giving their partners pleasure by letting them cause them pain? It generally goes beyond my comprehension how a human can take (sexual) pleasure in causing somebody pain…

But as not all men dream of long-legged, big breasted, slender long-haired blondes dressed in low-cut top and mini skirt (I don’t), not all women (I hope!) have likes of Christian Grey as objects of their fantasies. This conclusion is quite reassuring, provided it holds true. If it’s not, and I can’t check it, I should probably settle on celibacy by the end of life, as by no means I don’t fully resemble Christian Grey (although on the other hand I’m not totally far cry from this character), and I don’t dream about being like him…

Once there was a Polish book, also very popular with females, “S@motność w sieci” (literally: “Loneliness online”). I read it in early 2004, prompted by my girlfriend and for some time, being under her spell, enjoyed it. Just after a while it sank in to me this was also a cheap novel, yet still I’d rank it much higher than “Fifty Shades…”. The Polish book at least was indeed about love, there was little sex in it; feelings, taken apart, were always in the foreground at least I understood why women were so fond of it and why they wanted to live through an affection with Jakub, the main male character of the book.

I shall discuss the content of the book with some people who I know won’t be ashamed to talk about this “forbidden fruit”, but I’m unlikely to change my mind about it. The fascination with the book, which according to one of the interviews with its author, who said it depicts her unleashed fantasies, just proves humans have an animal spirit lying dormant deep inside. If humans can’t contain these primeval instincts, their existence is profoundly worrisome, but at least prevents the mankind from extinction…

Construction site inspection

The first whiff of spring (very tentative and, according to recently updated weather forecasts, short-lasting) creates a great opportunity go out and check the progress of Southern Bypass of Warsaw construction. I last ventured to junction Lotnisko on the last weekend of November, being also the last weekend before onset of proper winter. I went there with my father, but without a camera (old broken-down, new still on a shopping shelf), this time my father preferred to sit in front of TV while I, with the new camera by my side, took a bus (more economical, practical and healthier solution than going by car), alighted it behind the intersection of ul. Puławska and ul. Ludwinowska and headed west towards the junction.

To the right – on my way towards the junction I pass by notorious ul. Poloneza. Funnily enough when I last strolled there, on 24 November 2012 some road-builders were dumping rubble there to harden the road. Makeshift arrangement has not withstood the thaw and some part of the dirt track turned into muddy swamp. For some strange reason the first section closer to ul. Ludwinowska is in a bearable condition, while the section adjacent to the state-of-the-art viaduct is not passable even for 4WD vehicles. The silver Nissan SUV’s driver made an attempt to make its way to the viaduct, but having got stuck on the first metres of the muddy hell reversed and turned around. As a matter of principle I keep my car away from such roads.

To the right – I turned up to my destination, having walked through underground technical track. The photo is badly focused (my fail!), but progress since my last visit here is not impressive. The junction has taken shape, if you are familiar with its plans, you can easily make out what is where, but the builders have a long way ahead of them.

To the right – the same place, looking towards ul. Puławska. The almost finished roads start east of ul. Hołubcowa (viaduct there still not ready), but west of the place where asphalt is cut short little has been done. The progress on A2 motorway sections forsaken by Chinese Covec and then by DSS could have been even worse in early March 2012, but builders got their act together and by some miraculous effort finished the road before football championships. The official deadline for completion of this road is the beginning of summer holidays of 2013. Given there is no incentive to open the road before a specific day, I find it hard to believe I will drive there before the end of summer holidays. By the end of the year, they are likely to make it, even despite their dreadfully sluggish pace…

A trip to junction Okęcie is also an opportunity to take some more snaps. Here’s where roads are built, rail infrastructure is developed and a place just below approach to Runway 33 of Warsaw airport. To the right – a blend of industrial scenery captured with use of max. 12.5x optical zoom. With such close-up the camera is sensitive to any movement of hands and despite picture stabiliser built-in, taking a good photo is a challenge. Here the task is exacerbated by various distance of different objects – rail posts, tracks, mounds of soil, lamp posts of S79 road, airport buildings, cranes. Still, despite adversities, I’m satisfied with the final shot.

The junction is a good, albeit not a perfect spot for plane-spotters. Here – the most uncanny picture of several taken yesterday. At first you might find it hard to find where the plane is. I was reluctant to try to venture the western side of the junction, where works are nearer to completion and from where photographing planes would be easier. Too much mud, too many working machines and security guards to violate health and safety rules…

And such was the state of my shoes after trudging out of the construction site. Totally soiled with mud, yet only them. My parents bought me these shoes in 2002 in a shop in Piaseczno for 49 PLN. The shop has long been wound down, but the shoes endured 11 years of every-day use – over that period I estimate they were worn on average every fourth day. Two years ago, when boarding a train on my way to work I caught on doorstep and sole of the right shoe came away. I glued it back at home and it has been holding together well until now. Who knew it would be they best purchase of footwear in my life? These days it would be much harder to buy such a durable item…

Lean times...

How come during the first wave of the crisis (I still assume economic misery lasting since 2008 would only ease, not cease) Poland was a “green island” on the map of Europe, while these days, although Polish economy does not, and predictably will not, contract, there are several CEE countries that outpace Poland in terms of GDP growth. How come? In my view there are two factors that contribute to relative frailty of the Polish economy. First is the strength of the Polish currency, the other is dwindling consumer confidence.

The former can be easily quantified and its impact on growth can be explicated with referring to currency regimes. Currencies of countries severely hit by the economic woes in late 2008 and 2009 were pegged to EUR (Baltic States), or these countries had just adopted the single currency (Slovakia). Polish zloty was then allowed to float and speculators betting against our currency sold it off  to levels which considerably boosted competitiveness of Polish exports and decreased demand on foreign products. Today PLN is fairly valued against other currencies and so Poland cannot fully benefit from advantages of cheap domestic currency.

The latter is less measurable (although you can always work out several indices or ratios to quantify optimism among consumers or entrepreneurs), it is more about collective state of mind and expectations. In 2009 Poles would rush to the shops as if economic slowdown was just a newspaper headline. Retail sales were rising, not soaring, but most Poles stayed optimistic about the future.

These days confidence is shrinking. Consumer feel much more insecure about the future and their salaries in real terms have dropped, while basic costs of living keep going up. Whenever we spend more to meet our basic needs (dwelling maintenance, food) and our income does not rise, we are forced to save on something else. And so we cut back expenses on culture, entertainment, going out, holidays, cars, etc. Plus when we feel insecure about the future, especially about the terms of our employment, we tend to put aside money for a rainy day. This is all visible around…

Just over the recent week Gazeta Wyborcza published two pieces on this trend. The first says fear of being fired is worse than joblessness. From the economic point of view it is better to have the job, than to be out on the limb, but from psychological point of view, the former state, combined with insecurity about tomorrow appears more crippling. Once you are jobless, your situation seems controllable. When, just like me, you have a job, but at the back of your head you have the thought that each day you go to work might be your last day there (I’m still better off because I have a generous severance pay guaranteed!), it is much more crippling emotionally. How can you plan anything? How can you decide to take out a loan if your repayment capacity might be jeopardised? How can you spend more, if a natural reaction in such situation is building a cash buffer? A human needs some stability, while today’s economy cannot offer it.

The second article dwells on general trend on the labour market – employment is falling, salary hikes are frozen, employees hold down the job, and, fearing of losing the job, expend less. This has severe implications for the total economy and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: consumers spend less, aggregate demand falls, producers put out less, needs fewer staff, lay off, those laid-off buy less and so the vicious circle keeps turning. Private consumption is the propeller of GDP and drop in it, compounded by limitations in offsetting it by other components of GDP (private investment, government spending, net exports), is quickly reflected in economic growth statistics. Also the current disinflation, despite its unsustainable character (1.7% y/y inflation in January was caused by temporarily cheaper fuels and drop in natural gas rates for households – do not cut interest rates so rashly!), is also the aftermath of lower consumer spending.

Skimping on every step is not just a figment of panicking journalists’ imagination. I can see it around, but not everyone is cutting down on splurging money. Fewer people buy coffee in the morning in our canteen (5 PLN per mug each day, giving it up leaves 100 PLN in your pocket each month), more prepare instant coffee, paid by the employer. I find it harder to find company for a lunch, as more people bring food from home. If they decide to eat out, they prefer our subsidised canteen to more expensive eateries in the vicinity of our office. Prices above 15 PLN for main course (without a soup) are prohibitive for Poles all ranking among 5% best-earning ones. Many decide to eat only a soup… They see merits of shoes bought in Deichmann or CCC, when choosing their holiday destinations, they seek cheaper places. Polish countryside is again an option, with agro-tourism being far less costly than mountain or seaside posh resorts. If abroad, Bulgaria, Hungary and Albania are all the rage, offering much cheaper accommodation that Mediterranean countries. Colleagues who have returned from winter holidays say lodgings and borrowing skis are much cheaper and despite this there are fewer tourists. Zakopane was all desolated as prices of rooms and in restaurants were far too steep (50 PLN for a lunch for one person is a daylight robbery indeed!). Going to a cinema – not more often than once a month, to a theatre – once in a quarter – restraints on spending on culture are quite typical. Car or public transport – the latter quite often wins. Traffic density and number of cars covered by snow for an extended period are respectively: lower and higher this winter. Traffic jams are not as bad as they use to be... No wonder if many people have given up on their cars.

Maybe what are just observing is just the farewell to credit-fuelled growth and onset of era of frugality. Number of new mortgages granted by banks in 2013 might be record-low, this will surely have implications for the property market, i.e. accelerate process of adjusting prices to purchasing power of buyers. There is one more time bomb ticking and I have not heard anyone’s concern about it in Poland – there is a property bubble swelling in Switzerland and the country’s central bank might be likely to raise interest rates. This might in turn hit mortgage debtors in Poland with their liabilities denominated in CHF, as amount of monthly instalment is much more sensitive to interest rate than to exchange rate. I am not envisaging spectacular bankruptcies of distressed borrowers, bad debts will not soar. Instead “home-owners” will be bending over backwards to make ends meet and avoid foreclosures even harder and this will also decrease private consumption.

The upbeat part of the post is, again, that property prices should be heading down…

Four years on!

Few bloggers can boast about such quite long track record. Despite being short of time and other adverse circumstances I’m soldiering and don’t plan to give it up. To mark the anniversary, a short list of several out of over 300 posts that deserve to be remembered. I’m not judging they are my best, nor claim they are outstanding, but think are the ones worth reverting to.

The very first serious post – in the middle of option crisis in Poland

The first post on linguistic puzzles – first of many

The timeline of Polish history after 1989, but before its defining moment which ensued 10 months later.

At the end of this trifling post – an appeal for support to Paula Pruska, young Polish blogger, who documented her fight against the cancer, lost on 31 August 2011…

A look at pathologies of Polish banking from before the times when I immersed to it – as a 3rd year student with no job, no income and little assets I was offered a huge loan…

The shift from socialism to free-market economy – who was better-off,who worse-off.

Taxation and justice – part 1 and part 2

My take on martial law in Poland – hasn’t changed since then

Why I don’t commend pursuing loose monetary policy – a recommended read less than two weeks after fourth consecutive interest rate cut in Poland

What’s to blame for the crisis – Lack of fear or other factors?

Black swan theory – posted two days before Smolensk crash – what a coincidence…

A hilarious attempt to write a letter of application in English – one of many lost battles betweens Poles and the most often used foreign language in Poland.

How end justifies the means – after three years I look at how PiS and its followers have no scruples to harness any method to attain their political goals – this will never change…

The whole series of posts on the story of 1,000 PLN I lent to my classmate who turned out to be a compulsive gambler – I haven’t recovered the money, but it’s nothing compared to him, up-and-coming lawyer expelled from university, doing a sentence for unpaid debts and after a few suicide attempts…

Probably the most controversial post on Smolensk crash – number of comments proves this best!

Winter timelines – 2010/11 and 2011/12, another one pending

A comprehensive description of workings of Polish pension system, written in time when it was one of the most topical issues – part 1 and part 2

Memories of 9 April 2010 and 10 April 2010 – for posterity…

The last post on studying at my university – foreign language teaching evaluation

On taking risks – indispensable in our lives

A gloomy picture of farewell to the ruthless corporate world – this year my company is going to lay off 600 employees, or over 10% of its staff. Here we go again!

My last year’s examination of conscience – helped me understand a lot and realise how many mistakes I had made…

A conversation between my guardian angel and me – over four months have gone by, I have broken away, but still there are days when I have to chase away ghosts of the past… And here is when it began. Over a year wasted?

Corpo-life in a nutshell – a wry look at absurdities of corporate capitalism and similarities between it and the communism.

On top of this, I’d add all reviews of films and books – it never hurts to have a dose of culture here…

Anything you’d add to the list, enjoyed most, etc.? My foregone conclusion is that since the inception of full-time job quality of my blogging has gone down - less time for writing, less time for reflections, less inspiration...

Me – the odd one…

I haven’t planned to mark the second anniversary of submerging into corporate world, neither here, nor at work, but it somehow coincided with the first… kind of crisis. It’s not a pure burnout, nor anything akin. I’m still highly motivated, my work gives me a lot of pleasure and satisfaction and still offers a lot of challenges. It’s about people I’m surrounded by.

Overwhelming majority of my colleagues are staid, several years older people who’ve set up families – are married and most have offspring. For many months I hadn’t minded it. I would get along with them and still do so, unlike many of my friends from university who couldn’t imagine working with people not of their age. I hadn’t mind it, but with time it sank in to me I’m a different breed. It’s not just boiling down to the fact I’m 25 and most of them are in their 30’s, but this age difference is a why and wherefore I don’t fit in.

I was aware of some sort of generation gap long before, but I first realised the depth of gulf between us early last month when one of my colleagues returned from maternity leave. Our team went down to our canteen for a coffee and to have a chat. The conversation, predictably, revolved around early stages of parenthood, I sat with all the young and slightly older parents and silently gobbled an ice-cream (eating cold Big Milk once a week superbly fends off germs from throat in the winter, recommended second breakfast) and for the first time I felt actually alienated. I felt like standing up and walking away, but for sake of civility I listened to them with feigned interest in things which won’t be familiar to me for a while.

From that very moment I inadvertently looked for ways to escape their company in moments when we were not focused strictly on work-related stuff. I have workmates below 30s at different departments, so I decided to spend most of my lunch / coffee breaks with them, much to my fellow colleagues chagrin (I don’t understand why they find it so aberrant I seek company of my peers).

Since then some of their habits I used to perceive as minor shortcomings, began to wind me up. The ‘dirty mug pride’ is at the top of their list. Whenever I see them coming to our desk where we have a kettle, coffee jar and milk with mugs or cups not washed after coffee sipped on the previous day it makes me want to puke and I have to hold back not to snatch it and shatter it on their held-up-high heads. At the end of the day before I leave, no matter how much I hurry and no matter how exhausted I am, I have to go to the kitchen and wash my mug. My parents taught me at home that whenever I use any dish, after I finish I should wash and keep it clean, for sake of hygiene. I don’t feel comfortable with dirt, they do.

This somehow contradicts with how toffee-nosed they are. When talking about holiday voyages, they claim they don’t accept accommodation below four-star standard. Everything below this substandard and they deserve something more. The same goes about business trips. I don’t mind staying in an economy-class two-star hotel. I only need a clean bed linen, a clean bathroom, a closet spacious enough for my suits and shirts and a decent breakfast. Why the hell my colleagues think they deserve a better standard? Are they made of higher-quality clay?

This is all a matter of klasa – you have it or not, you won’t learn it, nor acquire it. Good taste and good manners can be easily recognised – whenever they are rehearsed, they are unnatural. You might finish a good university, get a prestigious job, grow into wealth, learn foreign languages, but if you lack klasa, your image will always lack that missing piece. It all comes out in a way you treat people, how you mark your social status, how you use foreign languages, your reliability and attitude to work, etc. A well-mannered person will never treat anyone with superiority, will not raise their voice, keep cool head, be self-confident (this reflect their lack of inferiority complex), never show off their wealth, will learn foreign languages continuously and improve their command, instead of confining to just getting by in communication. Klasa is about modesty and proper balance between self-confidence and self-effacement.

When I observe them, dwell on their mindset, a picture of a typical lemming emerges in my mind. And the word ‘lemming’ does not just refer to voting for Platforma.

By the way, once I can say I am proud of this government. It has fought over 300 billion zlotys for Poland from the EU budget for years 2014-2020. This money will have a great contribution to helping Poland catching up with western economies. I call it an immense success, much greater than the same amount negotiated by Kazimierz Marcinkiewicz government in late 2005, as conditions are much tougher than then. When everyone was focusing on cutbacks, getting that much money is a success. The other story is that the budget might be voted down by the European parliament, many members of which are reluctant to such ‘profligacy’, so the joy might be premature, but the very fact such amount of EU funds is at stake is a reason give credit to our government. Of course the main opposition party, whose leader quite recently declared keeping fingers crossed for Polish negotiating team, but on Friday silver-mouthed PiS deputy Mariusz Błaszczak announced 300 billion are a bare minimum… How much would his principal attain for Poland during late-night informal negotiations without an interpreter?

Coming back to the main thread of the post – I’ve just realised my colleagues are a by-product of culture of consumerism, or triumph of ‘having’ over ‘being’. Living beyond means to show off their status is typical for Poland’s fledging middle class. The focal point of their wealth is usually a mortgage, symbol of dream of state-of-the-art dwelling fulfilled. Not planning to take a mortgage is it least dubious. In my parents’ generation having so much money implied right away you must have come into the possession of it illicitly. For much younger people it rather invokes a question “what’s wrong with you?” What’s wrong with you that you don’t want to have your own flat right away? And I simply don’t feel like taking such burden on my back if I don’t have to (if I was renting a flat, I’d surely have a different view), for many reasons.

Firstly, property prices, despite recent considerable drop, are still steep and given their relation to disposable income, the imbalance of supply and demand, curbed mortgage lending, macroeconomic situation, dwindling consumer confidence and demographic trends, are very unlikely to go up in two or three years; the worst scenario is that they level off.

Secondly, being free of debts gives you a huge comfort – future is not full of insecurity over job stability, health, source of income.

Thirdly, it’s about pure maths. Assuming I take out a 25-years, 250,000 PLN mortgage at interest rate of 6% (=0.5% monthly) and pay it off in monthly annuities, the monthly instalment is 1,610.75 PLN, out of which around 1,250 PLN goes for interest payment, so in the first month my debt is reduced by 360.75 PLN. It means after a year of repayment my outstanding debt is less than 4,500 lower than at repayment phase inception! I could also set aside some money and from most of them prepay the loan (some rainy-day liquidity cushion must stand by). I could safely assume after a year my outstanding debt would go down by 15,000 PLN. In a year of saving and living with parents (and putting up with them) I can set aside a whole lot more and my savings earn interest on top of that.

Fourthly, there are bargains on property market and in case of urgent sale a vendor decreases asking price and can accept an even higher discount in return for cash received immediately. If you want to hunt a bargain, there will be no time to arrange a mortgage. Oh, I would’ve forgotten, the very procedure of fixing a mortgage is also expensive – upfront and other fees usually consume an equivalent of a square metre of a flat at best.

Being thrifty is not a virtue in consumerist world. None of my colleagues does what my parents were doing from the day of my birth until I was finished high school – they were setting aside small sums of money for a separate bank book, then on time deposits. For what they’d put aside and interest earned I could buy a brand-new city car, but a single zloty from that money has not been spent until now and it still works. Then I’d put aside money as a student and inherited some more money. Savings began to rise quickly as I got a full-time job. Should I be ashamed I have accumulated something instead of throwing it about? Should I, as some suggest, paint the town red each weekend and thus decrease balance of my bank account by at least a few hundred zlotys each month?

Some people say after the stint of two years at one employer, there is a need for a change. But in the respects above, transfer to another bank would mean doing the same thing with the same sort of people, so there’s no point in changing… Unless for pay-related reasons… But this is not the case now…

Got it off my chest! What a relief!

President’s death / Thaw in Warsaw

I remember my promise to review the film which appeared last Sunday in NGC. I remember and deliberately go back on it, by keeping my impressions brief and concise rather than going on about the documentary.

The film, not unsurprisingly, was a letdown for me. I expected a rather one-sided picture of the disaster, based merely on the official reports, but the outcome was more distorted than I had expected. To make it clear, I am not in favour of conspiracy theories, I accept findings of the Polish parliamentary commission which had investigated causes of the crash and realise film-makers, as in every case, based their coverage only on official reports (there were two in the case), but the bad taste remains.

The depiction of Smolensk crash should not be described as ‘biased’, the better word is ‘selective’ and, at some points, ‘distorted’. In fact, as nobody survived the impact, there is no chance to accurately present what was going on aboard before the crash, black boxes reveal only what was said in the cockpit and tell nothing about other circumstances, including mindset of the crew.

The message from the film is quite clear – Polish pilots’ errors in conjunction with bad weather and indirect pressure on them were the major cause of the crash. I believe these indeed were most likely reasons why the plane shattered before runway, but in fact circumstances were much more complex and going beyond what happened on the hapless day and analysis of other factors should not be confined to mentioning incident from August 2008 when the lead pilot was the second pilot on the plane whose lead pilot refused to touch down in Tbilisi and was expelled from the regiment for disobedience. I can only repeat questions asked by the media – why filmmakers did not bother to see photos of the airport in Smolensk, tragically run-down, lacking equipment? Why nobody mentioned flight controllers were calling somebody to take instructions what to do? Why nobody mentioned the Russian plane which nearly crashed the runway in thick fog shortly before the crash? Why co-operation between Polish and Russian investigators was depicted as exemplary? Why Russians were presented as careful and attentive if every child knows this is a departure from the truth?

Predictably, the film, watched by over 2 million people, triggered public outcry. Most commentators think the remembrance of the Smolensk crash will be based on this film only. I doubt its influence is so huge and I doubt it can convince anyone who showed at least little interest in the accident to change their mind about the backdrop of the disaster. I have seen it and could describe it as ‘factual, yet inexcusably selective’. Now I am looking forward to seeing another film, shot by a Polish PiS-backing journalist, Anita Gargas. I will not make me change my mind, but it never hurts to see what the other side claims and, if possible, pick nits in their reasoning.

Having written all this, I discern how I have evolved over the last four years. In the first two years of blogging wallowing in such mire gave me a lot of pleasure. Two years ago I could argue with commentators on Toyah’s blog and stir up atmosphere there just for intellectual pleasure. Today I would not raise a finger to be get into discussion with them which often ended up with me being offended. For some time now, my interest in politics has been dwindling. Currently the headline-hitting issue are civil partnerships and rights of gays, lesbians and transsexual people. I must say as this does not affect me, I care little about this. I used to dream of ideal political, economic and social order. With time I turned into a typical lemming, focused on his own well-being. I care more about my work and personal life, while other issues recede in the background. My attention is centred on small stuff I have influence on and probably if no breakthrough which could have a serious impact on my daily life takes place, this is not going to change.

Turning to small things… Proper winter has given way to thaw and I decided to make use of warmer weather and picked up a habit of everyday walks from the underground to my office (distance of over three kilometres). Most people detest weather like this – not frosty, but chilly, gloomy, grey, miserable, while it lifts my spirit when it ensues after a frosty and snowy spell. 

To the right – Wednesday, dim morning. I walk westwards ul. Pańska. The building in the background is one of many on Osiedle Za Żelazną Bramą (literally: Behind the Iron Gate Estate), a cult and prestigious dwelling 30 years ago. Today – a home to ordinary people, immigrants from Far East and thousands of cockroaches, and an excellent example of economical housing concept put into practice – a 4-room flat here has an area of less than 50 square metres. Asking prices per sqm usually are between 8,000 and 9,000 and they reflect excellent location and numerous drawbacks of these flats. I would not move there.

To the right – snows have not melted yet, or water has frozen up overnight. Pedestrians have trampled a narrow path, there are lots of puddles and still it is very slippery so watch out! Despite some nuisances the stroll is still enjoyable.

To the right – an essence of Wola. Once a typically industrial district, for the past years it has been morphing into a modern, post-industrial area, with ramshackle factory buildings being torn down and giving way to new office and residential buildings springing up. My company’s office was one the first such developments, completed in 1998. These days the pace of construction around is impressive, seeing how quickly new office buildings are erected you would not dare to claim existence of economic crisis. And here, on ul. Łucka, some time will have to pass before these derelict buildings are demolished. Squalor, dirt and misery is what fills me when I saunter there. The inscription in the foreground without subtleties informs you Poland’s leading political party has reached the bottom. Will it bottom out?

On the other side of ul. Towarowa, just next to IPN head office, you can find this building, the closest to my office stronghold of the bygone times. I have never visited ‘Bargain Consignment’, but my ex-boss recently encouraged to venture for a lunch to the bar. Once I got in there, I immediately caught the climate of cheap bar from PRL times. When it gets warmer, I will have to go there with a camera and immortalise the interior. In the menu you can find typical Polish home-likemeals at inexpensive prices. The key drawback is the length of a wait for being served – not a recommendable venue for hurrying office workers then…