Dirty linen, washed in public

Watched, at time with bated breath, the controversial interview given by Meghan Markle and prince Harry to Oprah Winfrey. I have never been into fade of the Royal Family, nor particularly interested in their affairs, but gotten familiar with how the “Institution” functions inside out, I have promised myself to read a bit to catch up.

Needless to say, public image of the Royal Family is about keeping up appearances. A well-read man knows the Institution which has lasted centuries and which a symbol of the British Empire badly needs to look out impeccably and be perceived as such. Members of the Royal Family are obliged to take care of the impeccable image, at the expense of personal happiness. In fact this is their service, not a job, a service.

If everybody knows the Royal Family is definitely not as perfect as the picture of it painted in the media, why is there so much fuss about the interview? Meghan and Harry have decided to sign out of the charmed circle of strict rules and begun their own, unconstrained life, far from the golden cage there had been trapped in. They have also decided to divulge details from the Royal Family which were meant to never be brought to the life. The account of ruthlessness, duplicity and harassment within the Institution is anything, but astonishing.

Oddly enough, the Royal Family’s popularity with Britons is none the worse for the interview. It looks like the British citizens expect a neat, immaculate façade from the Royal Family and do not give a damn about the expense at which it is achieved. The perception of Meghan and Harry’s decision to wash some dirty linen in public is unfavourable. Such disapproval reflects condemnation for speaking up when evil is around and actually shows up conservatism of the British society. But if you break down the stances towards the interview by age groups, the elderly in majority disapprove of it, while the youngsters rather approve of the openness in speaking loudly about murky stuff.

Personally I note Meghan and Harry have displayed consistence in their deeds. At first they have chosen to loosed their links with the Royal Family and pay the price of getting financially independent, just a year after they divulged to the public facts which should take aback nobody.

Besides, do watch out for Harry’s worn-out suit and shoes :)

The interview has prompted me to catch up on the story of princess Diana, who was extremely popular with Britons, but was falling out of line with the old-fashioned image of the Royal Family. Time to catch up soon.

 

Apologies for mediocre quality of the posting. Writing-wise, I am not at my best today. Several of my friends are now down with COVID-19, including two in hospitals. My parents’ friend (for me uncle Krzysiek, somebody closer to me than relatives) is now under ventilator. I confess I simply worry and hope the third wave will not be as tragic as it looms.

Zabawa w chowanego - film review

The recently released film by Sekielski brothers is a continuation of “Tylko nie mów nikomu” which a year ago provoked a fierce discussion on the problem of paedophilia among clergy. The second film, though similarly heart-wrenching, does not smash as badly as the first one, which has brought the problem to wider audience.

Having watching “Zabawa w chowanego” (literally "Playing hide and seek") I feel anything but taken aback. Confessions by victims of harassment confirm such childhood trauma leaves a scar for the entire lifetime. The main emotion the film has left me with is gratitude that my psyche has not been broken by such distress. Gratitude for lack of miseries inflicted by the fate upon us is what we forget about. Instead, we should profoundly and consciously foster it.

The biggest sin of the Church, regardless of the country is covering up cases of paedophilia. The Polish pope has had a substantial contribution to it. Frequent incidences of sweeping the muck under the carpet bring out an impression that sinful priests (or simply criminals) are outlaws, since only on account of their profession they get away with punishment.

The film also strikes with insolence of perpetrators, who deny their responsibility for harm inflicted for their (already adult) victims.

Quite interesting is the mechanism of sexual violence towards children, which is common for all culprits, not just priests. It rests on ease with which an unmindful victim gives in. A child is the easiest person to manipulate (compare it to harassing an adult), which actually adds to cruelty of the deeds.

On Wednesday TVPiS has broadcasted a counter-document on the same problem among celebrities. The film was slashed on account of poor evidence material presented therein, yet since I have not watched it, I refrain from commenting on it. I recall last year TVPiS attempted to detract from the problem of paedophilia among priests, quoting statistics the number of paedophiles was higher with locksmiths or bricklayers. Their dim-witted audience might have not noticed bricklayers or locksmiths rarely deal with children. While priests, teachers, sport coaches and therapists do, therefore peril of the problem varies depending on a profession.

Tylko nie mów nikomu - film review

The yet another controversial film delving into depravities of the clergy premiered on 11 May. Unlike Kler which went to the silver screen (and has become the blockbuster immediately), Tylko nie mów nikomu is a documentary exploring the topic of paedophilia plaguing the Catholic Church in Poland and has been released on YouTube. An investment in a cinema ticket is hence unnecessary; a broadband Internet connection is fair enough to get to grips with the film in one’s place. The exact number of actual viewings in unknown, since Youtube counts in every playing longer than 30 seconds, however the approximate audience of 20 million is whopping.

The film is available free of charge since it has been… crowdfunded. Sekielski brothers had decided not to seek commercial sponsors to raise money for the controversial documentary, but had not problems soliciting donations from munificent private contributors.

Unlike several people who I have talked to, I have stuck it out till closing credits. Most of viewers I have talked to had to pause in the middle of watching since the content of the film was too heart wrenching. My tolerance to dirt is relatively high, but this film made me want to puke several times during the two-hour watch. The documentary leaves a mark or even a scar and poses questions rather than gives answers.

Firstly, hats down to victims who had the courage to tell stories of their trauma to the camera and to confront with the priests who had harassed them.

Secondly, the documentary reminds sexuality is a very delicate sphere of human psyche. It takes little to harm it and lasts years to recover from a trauma.

Thirdly, I cannot refrain from sharing the most shocking observation learnt from a film. Academically, most criminals whom we call paedophiles, are not genuine paedophiles. A genuine paedophile can reach sexual arousal only in contact with a child (an adult would not stimulate them). The overwhelming majority of criminals (including priests) convicted for sexual harassment of children do not meet such definition. They resort to sexual contacts with children, since the same activities with adults are, for some reason, out of their reach. This is the most appalling and disgusting, since I would not consider a girl (let alone a boy) aged let’s say 17 or less a sexual object. In other words, a girl below certain age (approximately 17 years) would not even stimulate me sexually. The most horrifying conclusion, not just after watching the film, but after conversations with workmates and friends is that the percentage of men who react like me appears to be smaller than I would expect…

In the public discourse, the film was dubbed as a part of all-out anti-church campaign. I would refute the accusation the film attacks the Church as an institution. It points at specific representatives of the clergy who are guilty of criminal deeds and highlights practices aimed at covering up incidences of paedophilia, sweeping it under the carpet, disregarding victims. It also plainly blows a deal to cult of the late Polish Pope whose shameful heritage in concealing paedophilia crimes is inexcusable.

The timing of film’s release somehow coincides with the home straight of the campaign before the European election. Striving to foresee the result of next Sunday’s vote in Poland, I bet the ruling party and the combined opposition who go neck in neck, will get similar outcome. Much will depend on the turnout and mobilisation of voters. I will visit the polling station around the opening hour, before heading for the sanatory. Deep down I hope a situation from 2015 presidential election when the one who was bound to win did not end up victoriously, repeats.

Customarily, for the period of being off for holidays, blogging is suspended, but in mid-June will be resumed with a coverage of the trip or with another allegedly noteworthy note.

The Independence Day musings

Last Sunday PiS was given a marvellous beating in the run-off of mayoral elections. The party’s candidates were turned down in nearly all cities, including strongholds of Kaczynski’s grouping such as Radom or Podkarpackie province. With Chelm (63 thousand residents) being the largest city where elected mayor hails from PiS, the ruling party has seen a middle finger showed by non-rural electorate. In provincial Poland, the party keeps faring well though.

Tomorrow is a bank holiday. Formally enacted three working days in advance, plunging into chaos most entities whose workings are not based on spontaneity. An additional day off was put forward and passed into law by lawmakers and their notary who have little notion about how real life functions and definitely have never had insight into how difficult running an enterprise is. This unwanted gift, being a blatant violation of basic rules governing legislative process in a civilised country where a government is a predictable lawmakers, comes in useful especially for those willing to get tanked up today evening and cure hangover tomorrow (pardon, celebrate the Independence Day in dignity). My workload is not going to diminish because of the additional day off, but delay in my remont (slowly moving forward) will be one day longer and I will have to stay overtime to make up for the time lost tomorrow (hopefully the weather gets clement). Those far worse off are the ones who had doctor appointments or court hearings scheduled for tomorrow and will have to wait several months for another ones. Everyone had known in advance 11 November would fall on Sunday in 2018, the additional day off could have been decided several months ago, our economy would have afforded an extra day, but would have been spared the accompanying chaos.

The bank holiday was not the only part of celebrations organised at eleventh hour. On Wednesday, as the mayor of Warsaw banned (ineffectively, but respect to court ruling is overriding virtue) the nationalists’ march, president Duda and prime minister Morawiecki staged their own one. The upshot was that the government had to negotiate a common event with the far-right organisations. In practice, though formally there was only on march, it got split up into politicians of PiS marching peacefully at the front, and a whole lot biggest group of neo-fascists (and ordinary citizens) chasing them (shortly after 4 p.m. prominent politicians made away from the scene in their limousines). The nationalists, predictably duped the government, as the march was meant to be devoid of several symbols which were visible. The good thing is that riots did not break up and acts of vandalism were sparse, if any.

My own perception and pursuit of patriotism do not square with flag waving. I define patriotism as paying taxes, not throwing rubbish anywhere else but to bins, looking after common property, observance of law, respect for fellow men, small deeds which make a community’s life more comfortable.

Actually such shameful outcome of Independence Day celebrations is astonishing given how pompous in terms of patriotism the ruling party is. The upside of the disgrace is that with every next misstep, with every little piece their screw up, the number of mobilised opponents of the party grows. In less than a year, the government of PiS might be a memory (though at the moment the most realistic scenario is PiS winning, but lacking absolute majority and bound to eat up its coalitional partner or buy off single deputies from other parties), yet this is too little to be cheerful. Even if the oppositional parties get their act together or rather the ruling party continues with its string of failures, victory of Koalicja Obywatelska is not enough. Firstly, the winners must not fall out over the power sharing. Secondly, they must come up with a comprehensive plan how to mend what has been spoilt by PiS since 2015. Thirdly, several millions Poles being avid believers of Kaczynski still live in this country and this is their homeland as well, no matter how horrific their mindset for non-PiSites is. Few reasons for joy, several reasons to pull up sleeves, lots of work lies ahead.

Kler - film review

At last. Nearly a fortnight after the premiere, on Thursday afternoon, having learnt I would not receive files to work on from my workmates from another department, I spontaneously checked availability of seats for Kler screening at 5:00 p.m. in the nearby cinema. Half an hour before the inception of the advertisements (lasted 25 minutes) there still were few single seats free in the upper rows.

I rushed out of the office and marched towards Złote Tarasy. Some seats were still available (though the choice was meagre), during the screening it turned out around two-third of all seats were finally occupied. Two weeks had lapsed, audience of more than two million had seen the film before me, the start time was kind of too early for corpo-rats who slowly contemplate knocking off around 5 p.m, so I did not expect a room chock full of viewers.

The very film…. Highlights problems clergy has not gotten their act together to cope with. As in each motion picture directed by Mr Smarzowski, problems are piled up, fleshed out and illustrated veritably abhorrently. Binge-drinking, hypocrisy, greed, lust for power, pursuit of career at all cost or adultery are common sins of weak humans. Paedophilia, fortunately, is not (though this sin is the most abject). The priests are only humans, they stumble and fall like every human, however are expected to stand for higher moral standards and for centuries have failed to live up to such expectations.

Some scenes show situations we are familiar with (the infamous “co łaska, nie mniej niż dwa tysiące”), others touch up on problems known only to a charmed circle of those privy to dealings of top-of-the-top executives of the world’s biggest and oldest corporation. The film portrays clergy as a jumble of dark characters, however I would not agree that the film lacks a bright side – the ending contains the self-purification of one of the characters, which I believe is his penance for his and the clergy’s sins.

As the final credits appeared on the screen, approximately half of the people, including me, were left numb in the seats, the other half filed out towards the exit. Such reactions of the audience prove Mr Smarzowski remains at his best and no matter whether you appreciate his work or not, the last possible reaction is indifference.

If the turnout (in relative, not absolute numbers) in the polling stations in a week and in three weeks is similar to those recorded during first two weeks of Kler screenings, the tide will turn. One day it will, the only question is how much has to be spoilt before the benighted folks begin to see the light.

Sztuka Kochania - book review

I reached out for the book, after watching the film biography of its author. The cult Polish “manual” of human sexuality has had several editions, I have come by the most recent one, with up-to-date preface and supplemented with a chapter on contemporary contraception methods.

Some chapters of the book were edited or complemented by Mrs Wisłocka over her lifetime, as she worked on consecutive, improved editions, but all in all it can be felt Sztuka Kochania was written 40 years ago. The three central characteristics that prove how the world has moved on during the last four decades are:

1) the emergence and advance of Internet, taking place of papers and video cassettes as a source of skewed knowledge of sex and carrier of pornographic content,

2) the demise of taboos; sex-related stuff has become a topic of shame-free conversations within families and among friends,

3) fading traditional roles ascribed to specific sexes, in terms of behaviours, sharing duties and responsibilities (this has given rise to research on gender identity).

Since 1970 a huge stride in terms of culture of sex life and its understanding has been made, nevertheless progress has not rendered the book useless.

Socially, awareness of sexuality has improved, shame no longer accompanies deliberations on it, yet much still needs to be done. The main channels through which youngsters gain education are the Web and other easily accessible media. Needless to say contents young people familiarise with are far from professional substantive education they should receive at school and at homes (if parents are prepared and not to afraid to pass such knowledge).

Scientifically, biggest step forward has been made in contraception. Today, withdrawal method is widely criticised because of its high failure rate (not to mention practical aspects), while 40 years ago was a generally accepted contraception method. In 1970s contraceptive pills, nascent and imperfect, were believed to cause detrimental side effects to women’s bodies, while today, though gynaecologists remain aware of the pills’ shortcomings, they are recognised as practical and effective birth control method.

There are passages in the book I have mixed feelings about. The author several times stresses it is not a coincidence woman is female, while man is male. A woman’s role is to give birth, a man’s role to initiate mating rituals. While we cannot and I believe should not play with biology, decisions who wears pants in a relationship, how responsibilities are shared and who takes matters into their hands should belong to a couple. As I observe marriages and non-formalised long-term relationships, they function as partnerships with large degree of autonomy and commonly shared responsibility for household duties and bringing up offspring.

Mrs Wisłocka dedicates part of a chapter of contraception to abortion, permitted before 1989 in Poland. She decidedly underlines pregnancy termination is evil and ought to be avoided (therefore she advocates access to birth control), however claims the decision whether to have it performed it should be left to a woman only and a would-be father has nothing to say. While I know a man will not spend nine months pregnant and may make away leaving a woman and an infant out in the cold, if he stays by her side, he should be allowed to have his say (unless he brutally forces a woman to terminate pregnancy).

When the book was first published, youngsters began to live together under one roof usually after getting married. In the twenty-first century mass migration from provincial areas to large cities, availability of rented dwellings and mortgages and social changes accelerated the moment a youngster flies the nest. This translates into earlier start of learning the life together – couples begin to live under one roof well before tying the knot (if at all) and earlier begin to discover each other.

The purport of Sztuka kochania which remains always up-to-date is that relationships should be based on empathy and mutual respect, no matter if in bed, in running a house, raising children or elsewhere. This universal credo should be instilled at home and odds to shape an adult who has not been taught empathy and respect at home are tiny, yet it is never too late to make efforts.

Those who expect a guide or an instruction how to make love, should not waste time going through the book, though it contains several priceless hints what to pay attention to. I believe Sztuka Kochania is worthwhile, as it enriches one’s grasp of sexuality, particularly how it is embedded in emotionality and how it intertwines with other spheres of human life. A driver who skilfully operates a vehicle and whose passengers enjoy a safe and comfortable ride, must not necessarily be familiar with how engine, transmission and other parts of vehicle work, though they gently but firmly steer a vehicle. It would never hurt, however, if they improved their grasp of mechanics ;-)