2024 comes to an end

A concise year-end summary. This time writing does not come easy to me, as I need to bring together some thoughts, cope with clashing emotions and resolve something.

2024 was a first full year of living with somebody under one roof. This is not the right moment for any stories of how we got along (or not) with each other over that period. I once signalled the relationship is not a bed of roses. Now I can assert it is full of spikes and the roses have withered.

In February I started out a new job for the same employer. I followed my ex-boss and joined his new team. Upsides: more reasonable workload, jumping back on a learning curve, slightly higher pay. Downsides: at times monotonous transactions, being tied up in corporate politics and administrative stuff. For some time I will not seek a new position inside the bank (by March 2027 I am bound by company car repayments on preferential terms, with high penalties if I terminated the contract before its maturity). I shall give myself some more time to verify if work in that team gives me sufficient self-fulfilment and satisfaction.

In early spring I got my vehicle upgraded. So far my Skoda Octavia has covered over 10,000 kilometres, almost nearly in long-distance journeys. I am generally content with the new car, despite electronics going bonkers (common glitch in contemporary cars) and some minor defects, which I need to sum up and make a warranty claim to have them fixed.

The event which has taken its toll most on me were my health problems with the lumbar spine. Being immobilised was a traumatic experience. Currently I still have some aches in my spine, but the memory of days when the pain was so acute that a walk to the toilet was a journey of a lifetime ensures I find no excuses not to exercise at least once a day.

Travel-wise, the trip to USA did not materialise due to aforementioned health problems. This was supposed to be the only major trip in 2024, so other travels were less frequent, shorter and rather local, with Czech Republic and Slovakia being the only destinations abroad.

Wishing you all guys all the best in 2025. Keep healthy and take care of yourselves!

2020 finally is over

Customarily, turn of the year is a time for summaries, a time to have a look at the quirkiest year in the lifetime of probably all readers.

The hottest topic in 2020, which dominated news headlines and turned lives of all of us upside down was the COVID-19 pandemic. As it was approaching the gates of Poland (officially, since I believe the first cases were active before 4 March 2020), I named it a classic example of a black swan. At first, we feared the unknown. That resulted in strict social discipline, which, with time and growing fatigue with restrictions, soon waned. We have learnt to live with the awareness of the virus and have developed the ability to shrug it off. The loosened approach to the allegedly retreating virus was, predictably, one of major causes why the second wave was in Poland quite deadly, but has taught us little anyway. To save those bleak days for posterity, I have kept records of the pandemic in a form of a diary (currently published in bi-weekly intervals) and will continue until the vaccines hopefully help take the strain off the health service and bring us back to normalcy.

In the personal life, this was the year I got familiar with Tinder. After 10 failed attempts I found a girlfriend, yet the relationship ended on New Year’s Day. A water to the mill to those who claim on Tinder you can mostly find people who have problems with personality. This is a topic for a separate insightful post, due in two weeks. I believe the break-up and all events in the run-up to it deserve to be put into perspective. Too early to write about it when emotions are running high.

Despite the pandemic, I had decided to get involved in charity. My zeal was quickly dampened and participation as a volunteer ended up with frustration and a grudge. Nevertheless, I still do not rule out I sign up for it this year, but only if the pandemic eases.

Home office, which by 11 March 2020 was an occasional privilege, has become the order (or rather ordeal) of the day (not a single day spent in the office since then). I have no problems with efficiency, focusing on work, ergonomics (I have invested in a top-of-the range chair) nor with separating private and work time. But I do miss direct contact with people and I am sick of staying all the time at home (there was a time when I slept at my girlfriend’s place and came home to work only which gave some relief) which no longer is an asylum and a place of rest. My employer has already told me after the pandemic is gone, I will work 2 days in office, 3 days at home. This looks like the first and foremost reason to look for a new job, which would give flexibility, instead of forcing me to stay at home to bring savings to my employer.

In 2020 I wrote little about politics, especially I have not mentioned my participation in the anti-government march in Warsaw on 30 October 2020, which was attended by approximately 100,000 participants, but just like open-air protests with face masks, has not contributed to increase in COVID-19 spread rate.

My outlook for 2021? The first milestone, whose date remains unknown would be the day four weeks after my parents are vaccinated. The fear of their mental and physical health will be then gone and I will not have to choose between meeting people and visiting them which was the case over the entire 4Q2020 (I had to fork out some cash for a PCR test before Christmas). As the pandemic eases and after I get over the post break-up trauma, I will need to resume the lookout a life companion, which in practice means the Tinder experience will start over.

And I hope by the end of 2021 I also get vaccinated. I will do that:
- out of care and responsibility of those whose life or health is at particular peril,
- to help those who cannot run their businesses, lost their job, income or wealth because of the pandemic,
- to accelerate the recovery of people whose mental or physical health has worsened on account of the virus.

Divided as never before

Not a reassuring post at the start of the new year, yet inspired of my observations made back in 2018. As a nation, Poles appear to be drifting apart in many realms of their lives, moot points are mushrooming, while arguments between opponents get fiercer.

The most vivid divide line which already has torn several families apart and put many friendships to the test is being pro-PiS or anti-PiS, which, if drilled down, is just a touchstone, since people on both sides of the divide line differ in terms of the vision of the world, role of family, society, religion, economy, the state. This topic has however been explored several times and probably deserves to be revisited in the election year.

Just before the Christmas Eve one of the Facebook groups I have been signed up for (Obywatele Ursynowa) was a scene of mud-slinging (the Polish language has invented a new word for worthless, but heated quarrels which is gównoburza) between advocates and opponents of shooting fireworks on New Year’s Eve and New Year’ Day. The former were standing up for tradition of celebrating the turn on the year, the latter pointed at the problem of scared animals which suffer badly that one night. In response the former accused the latter of letting animals cack on pavements and grass and not cleaning up the turds and claimed superiority of humans over animals. Not joining the dispute, which will resurface in late December again, I am against fireworks. Apart from feeling sorry for animals, I believe this is a dangerous (check the number of injuries and fires caused by them) waste of money, therefore I have been glad to learn several cities had abandoned the firework shows during city-staged celebrations.

In a week Wielka Orkiestra Świątecznej Pomocy will play again, for 27th time. Each year, despite the wave of hatred spilling on the event, and its commander-in-chief, WOŚP raises more and more funds for medical aids. The divide line nearly overlaps the pro-PiS / anti-PiS one. Needless to say, I will support WOŚP this year as well, more generously than before, not only to help raise money for medical equipment for children wards in hospitals across Poland, but to spite everyone who wishes to put the initiative down.

In the coming year car-ridden dumbheads will be clashing with cyclists and ecologists, vegans will keep calling meat-eaters murderers, same label as stuck to pro-choice campaigners by pro-life activists and so on and so forth. Individuals will inevitably differ between one another, but it depends on them whether they exploit those differences to enrich the society or harness them as pretext to fight enemies (i.e. those who dare to think differently). All aforementioned disputes have touched upon the limits of human autonomy (yes, the political one as well, if not the most) and where one’s freedom begins to harm others.

Tidings from the remont front next week – much progress to boast of recently!

2018 in a nutshell

A recap post, summing up what happened in anything, but uneventful year drawing to a close, written in a typical for this period frame of mind. I keep disliking the idle period between Christmas and New Year’s day when the world nearly comes to a standstill. I actually would have nothing against it being in late June, when days are long, warm and sunny, not at the darkest time of year, when greyness is underwhelming. I recall last seeing sunbeams 13 days ago, for less than half an hour, while taking a business trip south of Warsaw (I found them pesky since they were blinding me). I long for sunlight, I yearn for warmth, I hanker after weather which would lift my spirits. I need to wait out this ghastly period!

Beginning of 2018 meant starting out in a new position after being promoted. The promotion has involved being transferred to a different team and a pay rise, but my scope of duties has remained intact. Functionally, things are set to move on in 2019, since my manager has promised to assign me more decision-making power, apart from pure analytical work.

I was taking up the new role while struggling problems with mental health. Fortunately, the second set of pills, prescribed by an excellent psychiatrist, combined with the inner strength, have helped me overcome the illness which has not relapsed in next months, though conditions were conducive to it.

In February my ex-girlfriend and I rented a flat together. Sharing the daily grind had put the relationship to the test and laid bare how badly we did not fit each other. After nearly six months spent under one roof I decided to put us both out of misery and break up. I do not regret that decision.

2018 was a year when I changed places of residence three times. The temporary dwelling, found after a two-week search turned out to be a truly dejecting place, yet in less than three weeks after renting that flat, I purchased my own one, in need of all-out renovation. The remont has now entered the final phase and next weeks are bound to be busy with lots of stuff to be co-ordinated and handled if I am to move in by the end of February. In the meantime I will have to win the battle against my soring spine (same problems as in 2016 and the same set of daily exercises to overcome them).

Becoming a fully-fledged resident of Ursynów (not only being property-owner and registered there, but also living there) will coincide with the 10th anniversary of blogging. A few months ago I considered giving up on blogging on that occasion. Today I suppose with more free time available and living in an inspiring and spirit-lifting place I stand a chance of returning to top form as blogger and write with a huge dose of inspiration, as large as enjoyed in 2009 or 2010.

All is quiet on New Year’s Day

Not at my best today ;-) so will try keep my message short, yet not necessarily simple.

Year-end days are a time of compiling summaries; beginning of a new year is the time of making resolutions. I am not fond of neither of the turn-of-year activities. The former stands no chance of turning back time and erasing unfortunate past events; the latter sooner or later brings about frustration, since most promises made to oneself are not kept.

If I am to make a summary, 2016 was a year of breaking points.

The first one was rethinking my relationships with people before and after writing this post. I kept the record of mess in my head for posterity nearly in the eve of running across someone else’s wife and mother of two little girls, not fully satisfied with her marriage. We fell for each other instantly, but after a few months (when I think I’ve grown mature) I decided to terminate this dead-end arrangement…

Besides, I realised my job, though brings me self-fulfilment, is dead-end in terms of prospects of promotion, relocation and pay rise). Today my approach to what the New Factory offers me is even more pessimistic than three months ago and if I am to fend-off burning frustration, a change in 2017 seems inevitable.

If you still wish to do some exercise, take the trouble to indulge in what I have encouraged my friends to do in the last days of 2016. Recall what compliment you were most often paid in 2016 and which one pandered you the most. This should speak volumes about what you are good at and what you can develop.

Time for a set of wishes for 2017!

No human is perfect, but each human exhibits strengths and weaknesses. A human who strives (not obsessively) for perfection will realise and make good use of the former and fight, but not necessarily hide the latter.

The only pain is to feel nothing at all. Hollow life is the worst that can happen, I would rather wish you some painful experiences than uneventful, repeatable days. May 2017 be an eventful year! I believe the balance of good and bad luck in the universe is retained, so whenever cruel fate puts you to a test, lots of good people will come around, lend a helping hand and show they care. That’s at least what I observed in 2016 and what has filled me with faith in brighter tomorrow.

2015 in retrospect

Last days of the year, a short, idle period between Christmas and New Year’s Day (or even Epiphany). Days, when world nearly comes into a standstill; days when slower pace of life provokes one to look back into the passing year and (maybe more often) to make resolutions for the coming year. Customarily, we wish one another that the coming year is better than the passing and usually we think it would not take that much to make the wish come true. In fact, as a matter of principle, we under-appreciate positive developments from the past and over-estimate importance of those negative. Fair assessment of what we have lived through is generally hindered by our selective memories. Actually, 2015 was a year of ups and downs for me, yet as it comes to an end, positive outlook for 2016 brightens me up ;-)

The ups and downs pertain mostly to private life. I have (and dare to claim) successfully tried to temper the magnitude of both ups and downs, with lifting myself from being closer to the bottom being a far bigger challenge. I have made a tremendous work to get hold of myself from the “post-CFA blues” and break away from the life focused on merely getting by. This took me three summer months, the months, truth be told, I effectively wasted, genuinely doing nothing than carrying on. I functioned yet not lived. Then came the turning point. I signed up for dance classes (and continue trainings, though I sometimes have to bend over backwards not to stay overtime in the office) and want to develop this pastime activity in 2016. I also find no excuses for socialising, whatever opportunity comes up and no matter how tired or reluctant to meet people (both states sometimes inevitable in the daily grind) I am, I grab it. A human becomes a human only among humans, that is why interacting with people (in most situations) brings out positive energy in us. This all has instilled more self-confidence in me. You, as some of my friends, would probably argue, I had not needed my self-confidence to be boosted. This is kind of misleading, since what you see outside does not need to reflect what goes on inside.

In terms of work, I started off into 2015 with serious doubts whether changing a job had been a good move. With hindsight, I wrote that post shortly before settling down in the New Factory. First six months in the new company are about finding your ways around it, the next half-year period is for laying foundations of your position in the company, after one year, you begin to thrive and your credentials get reinforced. This timeline reflects my experiences from both The Employer and The New Factory. As of November I was relocated and assigned more duties and ended up working 60+ hours per week. The workload somewhat eased in early December (meaning I spent weekends without the company computer), but for instance I had to spend the whole evening on 23 December, well into the Christmas Eve, “saving the day” and with swear words flowing from my mouth (how foul-mouthed I have become over 2015). The blend of time pressure, stress and encroaching on private life my job offers me sometimes makes me want to literally yell. More and more often I wonder where this whole craze is leading me and what the benefit and the sense for me in it is. A friend to whom I talked on Wednesday (taking a break from “saving the day”) told me I am at the moment of deciding whether I make do with what I have (and rest on laurels with what I have achieved so far) and should ease up or I want to aim higher and carry on shining bright and patiently waiting to reap what I am sowing. The conclusion is basically wise and up-to-the-point, but the other question is who the reward comes to…

The noteworthy affair in 2015 was passing the third level of the exam and being awarded the Charter (along with other 78 other professionals from Poland who earned the Charter in 2015). To make a sincere confession, self-pride is mixed with regret. The fortnight before the exam was a nightmare. I got up every single day wanting to scream until my throat could not give any voice, wanting to burst into tears which could not flow from my eyes. And then, counting down days until 6 June, I fought battles not only against exam preparations, but also against my frail psyche. I did well on the exam (I consider it a miracle), but the price to pay was high. I am now a Charterholder and realise had I given up along the way, I would be angry with myself, the scenario worse than what I have gone through, since except for track record of roughly 1,000 hours spent on learning, I at least enjoy some kind of self-esteem. Against my own demons, I have carried the day.

The saddest moment of the year was my grandma’s departure in March. At the very beginning of the year we all knew it was unlikely should would celebrate her 90^th birthday in November. The very passing away actually brought relief to us, since grandma was slowly dying for two weeks and her suffering lasted unbearably long.

In the last quarter of the year, I began looking for a flat. One day in January I will try to write more on this, but the search resembles now my effort to find a new job taken in November 2013. This was the moment I knew I was bound to do something unless I wanted to go bonkers or totally burn out with The Employer. I had in mind a hasty and quick job change only to break out of the endurable workplace did not make much sense. Also spending roughly an equivalent of one’s four-year after-tax salary (on a relatively illiquid asset) requires some care. With the job change the outcome was that in the sixth month of fruitless search, the offer from the New Factory came up and both the New Factory and I were committed within seven business days from the first contact. I guess same will happen about the flat, when an opportunity comes up.

And far in the background… We have witnessed a makeover of Polish political arena. We have the new president and the new government, with outright majority of one party in the parliament, making extensive use of unfettered hold of power. Millions of Poles wholeheartedly support the radical agenda (and steps) of the new government, millions of Poles silently or outspokenly object it. I am more and more tempted join people who take to the streets and get involved in the politics (although for the same reasons why I conceal my identity as a blogger, I should hold back). 2016 will be a year full of twists of actions in the politics. I doubt it brings early election. PiS will not repeat the mistake from 2007 when they thought the early termination of parliament term and brought forward election would reinforce their rule. Now, without the burden of any coalitional partner, they are likely to wield power until 2019. Unless the civic discontent, brought about by all-out assault on democratic institutions and going back on pre-election promises, gets so intense that it overthrows the PiS government. But even if so, what then?

Welcome to the new decade

From the mathematical point of view, the current decade will end on 31 December 2010, but my children or grandchildren will speak about the ten-year-long period that has just begun as of “the 2010’s”.

The new year has traditionally began with a “National Hangover Day”. It’s because each year on New Year’s Day media (mostly the radio stations) are trying to convince me that every decent Pole should suffer a severe headache, feel sick and have other symptoms of excessive drinking the night before and offer various folk methods of easing the pain resulting from a good party the day before. I’m becoming fed up with those rotten consensuses over what a decent Pole should do. You should get tanked up on New Year’s Eve, buy on New Year’s Sale, spend Christmas behind the table with your family, devouring kilograms of meat and singing carols, think president and his brother’s party are bad (I also think so, but it’s also a consensus of media with “Polityka”, “Gazeta Wyborcza” and TVN on the lead, the alternative version is that the leftist parties are commies in disguise and thus are the biggest evil), be a catholic to be a decent man, think the Martial Law was an absolute evil and cannot be justified, but the Warsaw Uprising was the most noble event in the 20th century, file a tax statement on the last day of April, etc.

The last dogmatic debate that wound me up was the one between advocates and opponents of Balcerowicz’s plan. Both groups (critics from Krytyka Polityczna, supported by Jacek Żakowski – journalist of “Polityka”, and defenders mostly from “Wyborcza”) appeared full of themselves and blind and deaf to any arguments of the opposite party. This has been a hollow discussion. Economics is a social science, what means no experiment can be repeated. We cannot say that any other strategy would do our economy better. We are unable to turn back time and turn Polish economy around once again. The critics can say it should not have been a shock therapy. I refute it with an argument that if the reforms had been implemented before 1978, the transition from the central-planned to free-market economy could have run smoothly. Later, as it was plunged onto a slippery slope and slid down, there was no easy fix.

If you think the radio hangover propaganda has thrown me off the balance, then you’re dead wrong! I felt like laughing and found the whole absurd situation very amusing. Last year for the first time since many years I didn’t feel low in the “slack period” (that’s how I dubbed the period between Christmas and New Year’s Day when everything seems to run into a standstill) and at the beginning of the new year I have an inkling of a breakthrough laying ahead, a big change about to happen this year. Even the weather can’t take away my optimism, though the long-term forecasts say the winter will be long, frosty, snowy and will give way to spring not earlier than in April. If the forecasts say so, it’s quite probable that we’ll have an early spring and a warm and sunny March, like in 2007.

A propos predicting. Last year most of my dreams were nightmares. Moreover, I dreamt my own death seven times and all those visions were puzzlingly realistic, accurate and coherent (they all had in common a feeling of acute pain in the chest which I felt also after waking up). Last year my dreams were so ridiculous that I could tell they weren’t true. In the first days of the new year I had only pleasant, even very pleasant ones ;) For some apparent reasons I felt I wasn’t awake and I asked myself if I was dreaming, but the answer was always negative, so my dreaming intuition failed my a few times in a row. Then I woke up, disillusioned. If the dreams have anything in common with the future, or anticipate it anyhow, I think I have a spot of a bother… ;)

PS. On New Year’s Day in the morning, my blood pressure was 91/53, pulse 98. Two coffees and snow clearing brought me back to life.