Sadder but wiser

The more you do, the more mistakes you are likely to make. Only those who sit on their hands are not infallible. Even wicked corporations hold such approach dear! The more we experience, the more nasty situations life puts us through, the opportunities to learn we receive. Lucky those who do not need to draw conclusions from their own missteps and wise those who intently observe fellow people’s slip-ups, analyse them and take precautions not to repeat them.

It all commences in childhood. I remember well when my mother warned me not to put a finger into a burning flame on a gas stove. Obviously, I refused to listen to her and burnt my finger. Lesson learnt – keep fingers away from flames. Alternatively, the lesson learnt could be to listen what you parents say. With hindsight, coming back to choices made by me when I was a teenager or a student, I recognise my parents were usually right (I have never admitted it to them, as such statement would have all appearances of asking for continual advice) and often ask myself what they would advise me in a specific situation, how would they react if I told them about my crazy idea or what they would rebuke me over. By the way, I recall now a training delivered by a coach who claimed parents in Poland do not support their children ingenious ideas, but do their utmost to discourage their offspring from pursuing their ambitions, especially the dicey ones.

I also wonder what can prompt humans to give up on silly activities that might severely harm them? Would throwing up all contents of one’s bowels prompt a binge drinker to become more restraint with alcohol, or would they need to commit a crime or lose a job to get the eye-opener? Would causing an accident persuade a fan of fast driving to stick to speed limits? Or would a severe fine be helpful enough? What else, except for unwanted pregnancy or contracting an illness, would convince a person who indulges in occasional sex to hold their horses? How heavy shortage of money would urge a reckless shopper to think twice before spending money on stuff they don’t need?

I strive to look at other people’s and mine mistakes. Watching humans stumble but not necessarily fall fills me with confidence that cool-headed approach to life pays off. Holding back before making hasty decisions, minding the consequences, putting oneself in someone else’s shoes and trying to guess their perception of a situation, these all make up precious guidance how to become wiser and avoiding the side effect of being sadder.

Lastly, I ponder upon circumstances which can throw an individual off their sanity. The one which instantly is brought to mind is falling in love, a state compared to mild intoxication, when sound judgement is said to be turned off or at best impaired. But symptoms of falling in love and impact on a daily life or an infatuated person changes with time. A teenager in love behaves different than a human in their mid-thirties. And I put it down to benefit of learning from mistakes made by many people.

Expect a break from blogging the next weekend. I am heading west for a short, or maybe longer road trip. This will be not just a sightseeing trip, but also an opportunity to be on my own (oddly enough, this is now something I am longing for) and to think things over, to return happier, but wiser.

Out and about

The spring of 2017 will likely go down as chilly and wet. The current weekend is the second one this spring (after the first days of April) when both on Saturday and on Sunday temperature neared +20C and sunshine was not sparse. While the weather was not high, outdoor did not beckon, unlike this weekend.

The first stopover during my short (20 kilometres or so) bike trip yesterday was the site of airplane crash in Las Kabacki. I visit the place each year around the anniversary of the tragedy. This year’s is a round one, it has been already 30 years ago. Oddly enough, most people hanging around, sitting about, praying or contemplating silently the memorial plaque were youngsters, who just like me have not had the chance to remember the day Il-62 crashed into the forest.

On my way towards leisure park in Powsin. I am heading east yet meet quite few fellow cyclists, runners and pedestrians on my way. Though the weather is conducive, lots of people are either too burdened by duties put off until weekend, or simply too lazy to get up from their sofas and take a few breaths of fresh air. Sadly.

The clearing on the southern edge of the forest is one of favourite hangouts for barbecue aficionados. Weather permitting, one can come across scores of people either burning bonfires or making barbecues, indulging in Poles’ favourite sport (grillowanie) and the place is filled with smoked and characteristic smell of grilled meats.

Having turned up at my destination I spot several traces of boars’ activity. Looks like flocks of wild boars ventured here when few humans were around and digged around the grass. Disturbingly, boars in droves are not afraid to approach humans’ dwellings and might attack if incensed. My mother, while walking to her spine rehabilitation classes in Konstancin on Friday, was surrounded by a flock of boars who fortunately only looked around (at her standing still) and ran away.

Klubokawiarnia is the focal point of the leisure park and a spot where visitors coming here for more than an hour can sit back, have a drink or a snack. I must plea I don’t know whether lunches are served to whet appetites of hungrier guests. Comparing to how it looked in 2009, little has changed. The place has its spirit and a whiff of modernity is absolutely redundant if the spirit to be nurtured.

The amphitheatre where concerts are played on Sunday afternoons, also a popular dating hangout for teenagers from Ursynow, Wilanow and northern parts of Piaseczno. In the foreground, my bike, I have had it nearly for a year, replaced a saddle to add comfort to my backside, had it overhauled (or rather serviced) before the high season and after overcoming ailing spine (though I stay cautious not to overstrain it), I can enjoy longer and longer trips (this year I intend to take at least a 50-kilometre day tour).

The further from densely inhabited district of Ursynow, the fewer individuals one can run across. Here, on the south-eastern corner of the forest one would sooner have an encounter with wild deer (heaven forfend!) than with a fellow human. While cycling there I felt a bit guilty, as if I trespassed someone’s home.

As I grow older, I learn to cherish more the days in spring, summer and early autumn when I do not have to toil away in the office. Clement weather is something one should make the most of, so on such days, I attempt to confine staying indoors to absolutely essential time dedicated for house-related duties which I could not handle over the working week. Some people enjoy themselves on parties on Friday or Saturdays and then spend a large part of a weekend fighting a hangover. What a waste of life! Given a choice between night-time revelry and day-time leisure outdoor, I would opt for the latter for most of weekends (some partying is essential, since a human cannot be bodily fit but socially dead). Actually while working long hours Monday to Friday, a decent dose of physical exercise over the weekend is essential to keep an office worker and let them recharge batteries.

Back to bedlam*

While I don’t feel like stringing together a worthwhile and readable posting, forgive me harnessing someone else’s words (or lyrics, not the first and not the second time I recourse to them) to mark the (this time) definite ending of one chapter in my life and doubts whether it has not coincided with a new beginning. Doubts, since the chemistry is a missing piece and mere desire rarely burns long.

Carnival
The wheels fly and the colors spin
Through alcohol
Red wine that punctures the skin
Face to face
In a dry and waterless place

If I could through myself
Set your spirit free
I'd lead your heart away
See you break, break away
Into the light
And to the day
To let it go
And so to fade away

She runs through the streets
With her eyes painted red
Under black belly of cloud in the rain
In through a doorway she brings me
White gold and pearls stolen from the sea
She is raging
She is raging
And the storm blows up in her eyes
She will...
Suffer the needle chill
She's running to stand...

Still

Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got

You miss too much these days if you stop to think
You lead me on with those innocent eyes
You know I love the element of surprise
In the garden I was playing the tart
I kissed your lips and broke your heart

Sometimes I feel like I don't know
Sometimes I feel like checkin' out
I want to get it wrong
Can't always be strong
And love it won't be long...

And if you look, you look through me
And when you talk, you talk at me
And when I touch you, you don't feel a thing

I tied myself with wire
To let the horses run free
Playing with the fire until the fire played with me
The stone was semi-precious
We were barely conscious
Two souls too smart to be in the realm of certainty

* While all quotes are taken from U2 songs, the very title of the post comes from a different artist.

Nieogarnięcie

Struggling to come up with accurate English equivalents of family of words related to the concept of ogarniać, a Polish verb describing getting around something, keeping grip of things, being well-organised or well-versed in something. Whatever the most suitable translation is, my impatience with people who do not exhibit the set of qualities which have the common denominator of ogarnięcie is rising.

The confession is inspired by a recent moving. As part of relocations within the office building, my team had to move to an area on a lower floor which involved packing all the stuff into cardboard boxes last Friday (and subsequent unpacking due on Tuesday). Everyone who changed dwellings at least once in a lifetime knows moving belongs to rather stressful processes and it takes some effort and a lot of composure to bring it over smoothly. Usually moving is more traumatic and tiresome if you possess lots of clutter – the more you accumulate and the less you dispose of, the bigger load you have to carry with you.

I managed to pack all my stuff (a pair of shoes, two bottles of wine, a briefcase, some documents, some stationery, etc.) into one cardboard box and was assigned to pack stuff of my female colleague (one year younger than me) currently in the middle of two-week holidays. Instructed by my team leader, I threw away several binders of her papers that had been scanned and kept in electronic directories (the New Factory has gone digital some time ago, meaning use (also printing) of storage of paper has been whittled down to a bare minimum), but had to pack all her personal belongings which all fit into nine (yes, nine) cardboard boxes (after disposing of lots of clutter). Everyone around was so dazed at the sight of me filling yet another box in a row that they even put up with and laughed every time I shouted out a bunch of expletives.

I actually like my colleague, though she is kind of nieogarnięta, sluggish, disorganised, lacks dynamics a young person should beam with (before you ask, yes, she is married, has no children).

I am the only male in the team and I do feel like a misfit, not just on account of being the only one of the opposite sex or having no-one to engage in locker-room conversations with. We differ in every aspect of style of work. When I turn up to the office I can start working effectively within one minute from reaching my desk. I simply unlock my computer and open the mailbox and while going through e-mail that arrived overnight, I change my shoes and unpack my stuff (wallet, phones, packed lunch) to a desk. For them, it usually takes around 15 minutes before they reach their working capacity, which involves combing hair, changing not only shoes but also socks or stockings, yawning, choosing which tea to drink, chatting, complaining, etc.

The lethargic mode means a worker falls behind with her (not their, I observe men tend to be better-organised and more efficient at work) assignments and then hurries and stays overtime to meet deadlines. If you work overtime, the reason might be that you have too much on your plate, but this can also indicate work is badly organised by managers or that you fail to organise your assignments. I have noticed as long as external factors do not turn my work upside down, even if I am burdened with plenty of urgent tasks, I usually can handle them with eight working hours, just because I plan my work ahead with the horizon of up to three months and do lots of things in advance, circumstances permit. Needless to say, though this is appreciated by managers, I pay the price of being allocated with more stuff, because I am most likely to complete them duly and timely.

While having exorbitant expectations towards myself in terms of ogarnięcie, my tolerance for people who:

- fall back on their promises,

- fail to meet deadlines,

- deliver work of poor quality,

- are indecisive,

- do not control things happening around them,

- are poor in planning,

- fool about well ahead of deadline and then rush to make it in time,

is on constant decline.

The same, horrifyingly, applies to daily life. I have been sick of my listening to my currently-holidaying workmate wondering one day before setting off to a trip around south-eastern Europe whether the third-party liability car insurance is valid outside EU and whether to take her husband’s car for inspection before starting a five-thousand-kilometre trip. Another co-worker was moaning on Friday since she had decided to have her car checked in a garage on the day of leaving for the long weekend, some defect was found and did not know what to do.

An ogarnięty individual has their car inspected some two or three weeks before a longer trip, since in case mechanics detect something which needs to be fixed there is headroom for ordering a spare part and booking a repair slot in a garage…

I could carry on with several such examples, but I see little point in flogging a dead horse. Life is too short to do things slowly, to get stuck in analysis to reach paralysis, to dither ten times before taking a decision. I am growing fond if idea of lean life. There are people who are older than me and today live in one country, while in a month they might move into another country. Their all belongings could fit into a few suitcases, they do not own a flat nor a car, because both assets are burdens. Compare them to owners of terraced houses in the suburbs – contents of their garages would not fit into suitcases of their peers who have not settled down yet.

I have learnt to think twice before buying something which I would use once or twice and now I try to borrow it or have it shared. Actually if you rent a well-equipped flat, you do not need to possess other stuff than a portable computer, clothes, footwear, cosmetics, documents and a mobile phone. Thanks to technological progress documents books and photos can be stored in an electronic form and the only concern is to have them properly stored and backed up. This also mean you do not get attached to stuff such as mugs, cutlery, etc. To live like this you need to learn to treat objects which facilitate your life instrumentally and decrease your expectations towards them. If you use an iron, a washing machine, a TV, a shared car, this will not be the one with all functions you would choose but in turn one which is not a burden for you.

The first step towards lean life? Rationalise the content of your dwelling, basement, attic, garage and find out which stuff you can get rid of! Analyse how much clutter you store in case they come in handy. Most people, as long as they do not move frequently, tend to accumulate things they bought on the spur of the moment, made use of them a few times and then put them away for a future use. Some of them have made a step forward and put up some of their stuff on Allegro or OLX, alternatively, they exchange stuff with similar folks who also do not need various stuff. But the step towards a deeper changes must be taken at the stage of buying and thinking twice whether an item would indeed be used repeatedly; the step which people who take pleasure in shopping might find difficult.

The new laptop - first impressions

I am writing this post from the third (counting out company one) computer I have had in my life. Given the fact my parents bought me my first one in 1999 (and I was one of the last children at school to have come into possession of a PC) that the most recent one is a brand-new one, jaw might drop open.

My first PC was the one I would tamper with, could take it apart and put together again, swapped components with my classmates etc. After seven years of service it gave way to a belated 18th birthday gift, a brand-new HP notebook bought in summer of 2006, prior to the outset of my studies. It broke down once, in 2010, then in 2014 I had it thoroughly cleaned of dust, the operation which cost under less than a hundred zloty that gave the notebook a second life and a speed boost. It served me really well, despite running on obsolete Windows XP and crying out for more RAM and faster processor at times. It has not given up a ghost typically; instead, its cover’s wear and tear reached its limits and the right hinge cracked. The estimated cost of repair was at least PLN 200 which prompted me to look for a new notebook, rather than sinking money in a device which on account of its age could pack up any time soon.

Since I have had good experience with HP devices (the one many not share) and having heard several times of badly defective Acer notebooks plus being fed up with my company Lenovo laptop, I decided to focus on HP portable computers only, knowing I would not repeat such good purchase as the previous computer had been. After all, more than a decade has elapsed and in terms of IT hardware, this is an era. For the sake of good order, I have not bought a state-of-the-art computer, since as I use it as Internet browser, a mailbox, a typing or calculating machine, a simple photo editor or a media player, the most advanced components would bring little marginal benefit and measurable marginal cost. I spent two thousand zloty on the new machine and after three weeks of using it, I do not regret not expending more money.

Though the technology has moved forward, in terms of ergonomics a step backwards has been made. I confess not to be fond of 16:9 screen proportions (I have got used to it) and I found 4:3 much more practical. Also all today’s notebooks have much less ergonomic mousepads. While choosing a laptop I paid much attention towards the pad (I have learnt not to use a separate mouse), bearing in mind how impractically it is designed in my company Lenovo and how it winds me up every time I use it outside the office. The pad in my new laptop has two separate buttons (not being a part of the pad as in lousy Lenovo), however lacks the scrolling surface to the right the previous one had. Well, one can get used to everything.

Using Windows 7 at work and Windows XP at home I did not observe much difference between the two operating systems. Upgrading to Windows 10 was thus a shock, yet I wanted to buy the most recent version of Microsoft’s operating system to avoid seeing it being rendered obsolete before long. Functionalities of Windows 10 best illustrate what stride has been made in terms of IT and what is the direction of changes. I would best call it a shift from owning to sharing and a shift from offline to online. Needless to say, my first steps with the new computer were dealings with privacy settings and turning off several spies built into the system and turned on in default mode.

Configuring and personalising the system is far more intuitive than in its previous versions. It seems the contemporary devices and operating systems are designed to be fool-proof. If you need a device to run, after a few clicks it is in the operational mode, while if you desire it to run the way you want it to, it takes a longer moment to tweak with all the settings and to disactivate the redundant functions. Though I appreciate how the modern devices take care of themselves, I actually lean towards being an aware technology user who gives up on convenience and prefers to retain control over his machinery rather than lets them look after themselves.

Hope the new device will serve me well for years to come, however I realise no matter how much I care about this device with limited durability, another decade in service looms out of reach.

No man is an island

While the whole world pretends to be an endless ocean, through which humans sail, lacking direction.

First such Easter. I spent over twenty previous ones either at my grandparents’ until my grandma was fit enough to prepare Easter breakfast for around ten guests, or, then, at my aunt and uncle’s. Over the last year bonds within the family have further loosened, fuelled by argument between my father and his brother over the duty of looking after my grandpa. Without going into details, everyone spends this day at home alone; a circumstance which spares all parties stress, insincere smiling, inevitable disputes, mutual taunting and other nasty stuff. Instead I get a modest breakfast with my parents only and plenty of free time to take a precious break from work. Unfortunately, the weather is not conducive to outdoor activities which I long to enjoy; had Easter fallen two weeks ago, over+20C temperature and sunshine would have lifted my spirits in the festive season rather on an usual weekend.

This makes me ponder upon the pain threshold linked to days when families traditionally meet up. Some prefer to spend such days on their own, others strain to endure family gatherings even if they do not belong to pleasant events. The choice depends on the extent to which you feel good in your own company. For some loneliness means sadness, for others freedom. For the former being hurt by fellow men is the price to pay to avoid loneliness. If somebody asked me about my preference, I would answer I opt for loneliness. This is the theory, while actual events prove my answer could be my wish rather than preference.

Remember the story of one toxic relationship I had just given up? Do you realise how many times I was breaking it up “forever” after that post? Not that many, but the upshot is that I have gotten even more involved in it, though I seem to be keeping my distance, aware how emotionally draining it is. I have lost some self-respect for keeping this going, but I realise the dead-end delusion I am stuck in is the price to pay for having somebody who at times shows care and interest.

Oddly enough, while being stuck in the toxic mire, I have not stopped looking for opportunities to get involved in a normal relationship for a single moment. The endeavours have however, led me to the conviction that getting married and having children one day is just an option, not a certainty coming into life in unknown future. Don’t get me wrong, I am now just talking about taking things for granted, just like many happy spouses do not take for granted they will grow old with their partners just because fate brings accidents and illnesses to pull people apart. If finding self-fulfilment in being a husband and father might be out of reach for reasons beyond my control (more about in next paragraphs) then I should strive to seek other stuff (other than work-related, though job should give at least satisfaction, but being too committed to it, or even addicted is a trap) that would bring me happiness achievable on my own only. The bar is raised high, since except for my parents, I practically have no family and because my all long-lasting and newly-made friendships are with people who either have families or are in long-lasting relationships, therefore I cannot reckon on anybody to be a greater part of any plan.

Why the odds to get my life arranged happily have statistically decreased? If you were to answer the questions, most likely you would claim that…

1. With time I have grown more demanding and few women can meet my requirements. I would argue with time I have grown aware of what I definitely do not want and unlike one friend of mine thought, I do not have a picture of what the ideal girl would be like, but I know which traits I would not put up with. I want a normal girl, who would not be selfish, greedy, materialistic, insincere, not straightforward, judge book by the cover, think end justifies the means, etc. Maybe that’s still too much to ask.

2. Statistically, most women of my age are already in relationships and it is not a coincidence usually those deserving the most attention are already taken. This is called a natural selection – males are not stupid and once they have grabbed a sensible female they take the effort not to let her go. There is also the secondary market, yet as I observe the divorced women around if I were their husband, I would hurry to divorce them too ;-)

3. Opportunities to meet somebody are less frequent than before finishing studies. In fact workplace (and events associated therewith such as business travels, conferences, workshops and parties) is the main place where I meet new people and stay in their company long enough to get to know them good enough to lay foundations to build a closer relationship. Sometimes after one or two chats with a woman I realise she is worth getting to know her better, but realise the paths we tread have very little chance to cross again. The only chance to keep up getting to know each other is then simply to ask a woman out (otherwise I lose it), which means showing at least of a bit of interest in her. Many times this has turned out to be a step too far, yet worth taking, since otherwise I would have been kicking myself for wasting an opportunity.

At the certain age, as one develops habits and gets accustomed to independence offered by living on one’s own, making concessions being in a relationships involves looms as stepping out of the comfort one. Also tolerance for other people’s habits declines. Some time ago I though women reach that stage of life after they turn around 35. My observations from recent months fill me with (some degree of) confidence such perception of relationships with men develops with many girls around the age of 25 (horrifying).

The very belief there are many single women and nearly as many single men therefore they should pair up and the problem of sad singles will be gone is a fallacy, since it fails to take into account the structural mismatch between highly demanding and independent single women and single men simply afraid of them. Anyone who advises me to stop bleating and look around since there are plenty of single women in the world may read the below…

1. The stereotypical exorbitant requirements women allegedly set towards men (should be tall, handsome, well-built, well-travelled, have a good job, earn a lot, have his own flat and a car, dress stylishly, read books, be caring and resourceful and so on and so forth) are as I notice, not far cry from reality and oddly enough deter those men who meet majority of requirements, but are simply afraid women would not accept their imperfections and hold back. Frankly speaking I am also wary when I meet a woman who apparently waits for a knight on a white horse.

2. A woman who has been single for a few years is usually too habituated to freedom being single offers to her that she is unwilling to give up on it. Building a relationship is a matter of give and take, a person who wonders whether to benefits of being with somebody outweigh the costs should make a mature decision. I theoretically respect such decisions, although when some two months ago I heard from a girl with who I had broken the ice that the relationship would take away from her the freedom she cherished and actually she was not yet ready for a relationship, my instant reply was that being in a relationship does not deprive one of freedom and with each next day she would be even less ready for a relationship.

3. Coming to that point, readiness to let another person into one’s orderly little world declines with age. After years of being single, starting a relationship means a huge and abrupt exit from the comfort zone. I realise this sounds absurdly, as this is definitely not a description of the utterly pleasant state of falling in love. I would point out the fear of being pushed out of the comfort zone, the fear of losing control (falling in love is about getting carried away by emotions, isn’t it) keeps a tight rein on some single women’s emotions and does not let them reach the point when they have a crush with a man.

The theme of comfort zone brings to my mind two other observations. Firstly, I know women younger than me desperately hold on to their partners, no matter how imperfect they are and now little they care, out of pure fear of loneliness and not finding anyone better. Secondly, I heard many women aged over thirty telling me if their husbands died, they would remain widows until the end of their days, since they have grown so intolerant of men’s drawback that they would be reluctant to learn to live with someone new and all his habits and shortcomings.

If you have reached the very end, so probably think now I am totally downtrodden, grumpy and acrimonious, lacking hope and faith. Maybe, but today I am exercising my right to feel down and by sharing my sorrows with you I help them get them off my chest, I set myself free of them and distance myself from them. Besides, it saves my today’s mood for posterity, so it does what blogging is all about, just like a year ago, when a similar plea was posted in the eve of a breaking point…

Keep on hoping a for a brighter tomorrow! :-)))))

A LIttle Life - book review

Spotted the book on someone’s desk while roaming around the office, recalled had heard some time earlier it had been a bestseller in the USA in 2015 and instantly grew curious whether A Little Life deserved that much attention.

The bookowner  (with whom I orally shared my thoughts beforehand) warned me I would struggle to waddle through first pages, as the narrative in first chapter is quite chaotic and a reader needs to take some effort to find his way around characters, links between them and the plot in general. Besides, my second impression was that I was becoming engrossed in a novel on gay community. While I carried on reading, this turned out to be just a misgiving and although the book does not centre around homosexuals, they and their relationships play a vital role in it.

Critics in their reviews claim A Little Life is a novel on manifold aspects of growing up, shirking it, deferring it, holding it back. Indeed, at the certain time, main characters have turned 30, however refuse to act like full-blown adults, yet I believe it is untrue they insist to remain adolescent over their lifetime. They just reach certain milestones in life (such as engaging a mature romantic relationship) later than their peers and later than proscribed by generally accepted social norms.

The book carries some general messages that virtually everyone who has read the book (it has become all-the-rage, changing hands often, around the office) has received. These are universal truths on life one should know in tackling what fate brings.

Firstly, the balance of evil and good one receives over lifetime stays close to zero. I have noticed it myself that the more misfortunes fall on a human, the more emphatic people are induced to lend them a helping hand. The main character of the book, Jude, also gets the evil and the good balanced over his lifetime, however though the proportions are in order, they are spread over time unfairly. His childhood is filled with evil and this impacts his ability and receive good in his adult life.

Secondly, while a reader encounters so much evil Jude is bestowed in his childhood, they learn appreciate what they have and what they have been spared. The story of Jude looks like an example how much suffering one man can be bestowed with and although his testimony proves he has survived, damages done to his psyche are irreversible.

A Little Life is also an in-depth study of depression. The illness is not a single time named in the book, but symptoms the main character exhibits clearly indicate his adult life is a losing battle against the mental ailment. The book plays up the important fact about depression many fail to accept, namely that a human can come down with it no matter how good their life is (though factors conducive to development of the illness must not be played down).

For those who still believe a human can be shaped throughout their entire life, the novel is a reminder that formative years, which end around the time one becomes adult, have tremendous impact on the whole adult life. Harms inflicted in childhood and teenage years stand no chance to be erased from one’s memory and are bound to continue to be a drag on one’s psyche, no matter how firmly one cuts off the past.

All in all, I would recommend the book to a patient and open-minded reader who is not afraid of 800-pages-long journey from cover to cover. The story could have been squeezed into by one-third lower number of pages, hence sometimes a reader might have to resist the temptation to skip passages which bring little value added to the plot. The ones, however I wanted to omit were either abhorrent, detailed descriptions of Jude’s self-injuries, or far too long and emotional deep insights into romantic relationship between men, however the latter I would put down to simple lack of affinity with homosexuals.

The spring explodes

Just for the record – last days of March 2017 and the very beginning of April 2017 brought temperatures in excess of +20C, accompanied by marvellous sunshine. Early first spells of short-sleeve weather have been witnessed in abundance in Warsaw in the last decade; a similar mass of African air came over Poland around the spring equinox in 2014, in 2016 first days of April also saw temperatures well above +20C. While four years ago winter kept Poland in its grip…

Since such weather is conducive to spending time outdoor and I am grappling with piled-up work-related and home-related stuff, computer in recent days has not been the object I have approached frequently. I promise to catch up next with a review of one of most poignant books I have ever read.

Besides, for the record – this is the last post written from my 18th birthday gift. The excellent HP Compaq nx6310 has not given up the ghost but after ten years and seven months in service, one of two hinges of the screen cover virtually cracked (my neglect) and the quoted cost of repair (PLN 200 after haggling) was above my budget for an investment in the device which may break down any time on account of its age. The old notebook still works (wires have not been cut up), but with fractured hinge laying bare wires its days are numbered. I have already purchased a new laptop, but at first encounter, I am not enchanted by it. Pressed by circumstances, I will have to get used to it and then review it, sometime around Easter.

Sztuka Kochania - book review

I reached out for the book, after watching the film biography of its author. The cult Polish “manual” of human sexuality has had several editions, I have come by the most recent one, with up-to-date preface and supplemented with a chapter on contemporary contraception methods.

Some chapters of the book were edited or complemented by Mrs Wisłocka over her lifetime, as she worked on consecutive, improved editions, but all in all it can be felt Sztuka Kochania was written 40 years ago. The three central characteristics that prove how the world has moved on during the last four decades are:

1) the emergence and advance of Internet, taking place of papers and video cassettes as a source of skewed knowledge of sex and carrier of pornographic content,

2) the demise of taboos; sex-related stuff has become a topic of shame-free conversations within families and among friends,

3) fading traditional roles ascribed to specific sexes, in terms of behaviours, sharing duties and responsibilities (this has given rise to research on gender identity).

Since 1970 a huge stride in terms of culture of sex life and its understanding has been made, nevertheless progress has not rendered the book useless.

Socially, awareness of sexuality has improved, shame no longer accompanies deliberations on it, yet much still needs to be done. The main channels through which youngsters gain education are the Web and other easily accessible media. Needless to say contents young people familiarise with are far from professional substantive education they should receive at school and at homes (if parents are prepared and not to afraid to pass such knowledge).

Scientifically, biggest step forward has been made in contraception. Today, withdrawal method is widely criticised because of its high failure rate (not to mention practical aspects), while 40 years ago was a generally accepted contraception method. In 1970s contraceptive pills, nascent and imperfect, were believed to cause detrimental side effects to women’s bodies, while today, though gynaecologists remain aware of the pills’ shortcomings, they are recognised as practical and effective birth control method.

There are passages in the book I have mixed feelings about. The author several times stresses it is not a coincidence woman is female, while man is male. A woman’s role is to give birth, a man’s role to initiate mating rituals. While we cannot and I believe should not play with biology, decisions who wears pants in a relationship, how responsibilities are shared and who takes matters into their hands should belong to a couple. As I observe marriages and non-formalised long-term relationships, they function as partnerships with large degree of autonomy and commonly shared responsibility for household duties and bringing up offspring.

Mrs Wisłocka dedicates part of a chapter of contraception to abortion, permitted before 1989 in Poland. She decidedly underlines pregnancy termination is evil and ought to be avoided (therefore she advocates access to birth control), however claims the decision whether to have it performed it should be left to a woman only and a would-be father has nothing to say. While I know a man will not spend nine months pregnant and may make away leaving a woman and an infant out in the cold, if he stays by her side, he should be allowed to have his say (unless he brutally forces a woman to terminate pregnancy).

When the book was first published, youngsters began to live together under one roof usually after getting married. In the twenty-first century mass migration from provincial areas to large cities, availability of rented dwellings and mortgages and social changes accelerated the moment a youngster flies the nest. This translates into earlier start of learning the life together – couples begin to live under one roof well before tying the knot (if at all) and earlier begin to discover each other.

The purport of Sztuka kochania which remains always up-to-date is that relationships should be based on empathy and mutual respect, no matter if in bed, in running a house, raising children or elsewhere. This universal credo should be instilled at home and odds to shape an adult who has not been taught empathy and respect at home are tiny, yet it is never too late to make efforts.

Those who expect a guide or an instruction how to make love, should not waste time going through the book, though it contains several priceless hints what to pay attention to. I believe Sztuka Kochania is worthwhile, as it enriches one’s grasp of sexuality, particularly how it is embedded in emotionality and how it intertwines with other spheres of human life. A driver who skilfully operates a vehicle and whose passengers enjoy a safe and comfortable ride, must not necessarily be familiar with how engine, transmission and other parts of vehicle work, though they gently but firmly steer a vehicle. It would never hurt, however, if they improved their grasp of mechanics ;-)

Winter Timeline 2016/17

American forecasters claimed in early autumn 2016 this was supposed to be the fourth mild winter in a row in Poland. Although saying the ending winter was harsh would be an overstatement, yet it was colder and snowier and three previous ones.

7 October 2016

First ground frost. Though the formal minimum temperature readout from W-wa Okecie weather station was +0.9C, in most parts of the capital frost was seen on grass and cars.

14 October 2016

First official morning frost this autumn; –0.4C at dawn.

9 November 2016

First snow. Thick, heavy and wet. Falls from early morning until early evening, but does not linger for long since temperatures is just above 0C and ground has not frozen over.

10 November 2016

A sunny, clement day with temperature just above zero.

11 November 2016

Woke up to the sight of snow. This time it does not melt instantly, yet with air temperature near freezing does not accumulate as well. This is definitely the first whiff of winter, but it has not come for good (hopefully).

12 November 2016

Frosty, sunny and chilly. In the late afternoon temperature tops +0.6C, but it feels warmer since the air is still

13 November 2016

It was supposed to be another day with clear blue skies, but it starts with a snow shower lasting from 8:00 a.m. for two hours. The sun attempts to break through the clouds and snows melt, as temperature rises well above 0C.

14 November 2016 – 27 November 2016

Late autumn returns and shows its manifold faces, from nearing winter (sleet, temperatures close to 0C) at the end of month towards balmy and sunny belated Indian summer spell around the beginning of the third decade of the month (up to +13C and sunshine).

28 November 2016 – 30 November 2016

Light pre-winter. Temperatures oscillate around zero. Frequent snow showers bring a light dusting of snow which melts slowly.

November 2016 in terms of temperature was normal; the temperature over the whole month averaged out exactly as much as long-term mean of +3.2C. Stats:

- month-time high: +13.0C on 21 November 2016 (colder than in 2014 or 2015),

- month-time low: –4.5C on 28 November 2016 (quite an ordinary low),

- the warmest day: 21 November 2016 (daily average of +8.7C),

- the coldest day: 28 November 2016 (daily average of –1.5C).

1 December 2016

After an autumnal, gloomy day winter hits after sunset. Blizzard brings thick, heavy and wet snow.

2 December 2016

It snowed all night and ceased early in the morning. Temperature is still very close to zero, so when lots of snow melt and freeze over, roads turn into ice rinks. The layer of white powder is quite thick so that it does not disappear over the day.

3 December 2016

At times sunny, at times sky is overcast but with no snow showers. Though sunrays reach the earth, snow in most places lingers. Temperature barely above zero.

4 December 2016

Night brings another light dusting of snow. Over the day – just above zero. In the afternoon skies clear up.

5 December 2016 – 7 December 2016

Chilly, below zero all the time, wind chill probably below –10C. To make up for it, rather sunny (though not with clear blue skies), except for one snow shower on 6 December morning.

8 December 2016

After a frosty morning it thaws out immediately – temperature soars at the pace of one degree per hour, gusty winds howl.

9 December 2016 – 11 December 2016

Intense thaw with temperatures nearing double digits and rain pouring down. Late autumn gloom…

12 December 2016 – 13 December 2016

Temperature plummets on Monday morning and stays below zero, but not below –5C for two days. Shining sun and brightness make up for chill.

14 December 2016

Snow, sleet, rain. Whatever falls from the sky turns into water on the ground since thaw sets in.

15 December 2016 – 17 December 2016

Near, but rather above zero, little precipitation, hoar frost setting at night. Roads and pavements might be slippery, ye it’s still not the proper winter.

18 December 2016

Little snow falls, little snow lingers, little snow melts. Cause it’s near 0C, the most frequent temperature readout this December.

19 December 2016 – 20 December 2016

Fog, drizzle, gloom and temperature barely above zero. Feels like Christmas…

21 December 2016 – 22 December 2016

Fog gives way to clear skies, sunshine and a little bit of frost. Finally a spirit-lifting, though chilly weather.

23 December 2016

Wake up to freezing sleet. Icy rain or snow sets on roads and pavements and it gets slippery. A little bit of winter just before Christmas. By midday the snow is gone and ugly late autumn returns.

24 December 2016 – 25 December 2016

A general thaw, with intermittent yet intense rainfalls and some sunny moments. Gloom is overwhelming…

26 December 2016

It gets really warm for just one day, temperature tops +10C. Windy…

27 December 2016

A windstorm hits Poland. Gusty winds blow at speeds reaching 100 kmph and play havoc with electricity supply and bring intense rain showers.

28 December 2016 – 31 December 2016

Weather gets rather clement, with no precipitation, light frost at night, slightly above freezing during the day. And forecasts warn winter will hit in early January.

December 2016 was slightly warm. Average temperature in Warsaw was +1.2C (vs. long-term average of –0.7C) Stats:

- month-time high: +9.9C on 26 December 2016 (somehow it does not take me aback the warmest day befell around Christmas),

- month-time low: –6.7C on 12 December 2016 (so far double-digit frost escaped Warsaw),

- the warmest day: 10 December 2016 (daily average of +8.3C, as warm as in mid-October),

- the coldest day: 13 December 2016 (daily average of –4.1C).

1 January 2017

Blue skies cloud over. Gloomy day heralds oncoming actual winter.

2 January 2017 – 3 January 2017

Intense snow showers come and go in temperature close to 0C. Snow falls faster than it melts, hence layer of white powder slowly accumulates.

4 January 2017

Blizzard that commenced the evening before lasted all night but has not brought lots of snow. Over the day it thawed out, so next snow showers turn into water as they reach the ground.

5 January 2017

Now it’s getting serious. Overnight snow was crisp and light, but temperature in the morning dropped to –6C. By the evening it declines, for the first time this winter, to –10C. In such cold salt does not help keep roads and pavements clear of snow. Winter is about to stamp its foot, but not for long! Snow cover has reached five centimetres.

6 January 2017

Sunshine and clear skies from dawn to dusk. When the day breaks temperature is –13C, then despite sunlight air gets no warmer, while in the evening thermometers in Warsaw show –16C.

7 January 2017

–19C just before sunrise and this stands a chance to be the coldest morning this winter. This is the first such temperature drop since February 2012… Not sunny all the time, a little snow shower leaves some white powder shortly before midday. Day-time high of –11C in the afternoon.

8 January 2017

With day-time low of –16C and day-time high of –7C temperatures take a turn for the better. If you add cloudless skies, you get the recipe for perfect winter wonderland. Three days ago weather forecasts said thaw was due today. Today they say sunny and frosty weather should continue for three coming days.

9 January 2017 – 11 January 2017

Should be a glorious winter, but it is not. Smog, felt by nostrils, throat and lungs, lingers in the air. Obnoxious particle hamper visibility and at times occlude the sun. The air is still, temperature between –14C and –3C.

12 January 2017 – 13 January 2017

On the edge of thaw – just below zero at night, just above freezing in daylight. Depending on time of day snow showers linger on the ground or turn into slush, freezing treacherously on cool ground.

14 January 2017

A one-day thaw, with maximum temperature barely above zero little of the snow disappear.

15 January 2017

The events of the day is are intense snow showers between 9:00 a.m. and 10:00 a.m., then between 1:00 p.m. and 2:20 p.m. which bring some two centimetres of crisp white powder each. Besides, just below freezing and with spells of sunshine. In the afternoon temperature creeps above zero for the last time before winter returns for good.

16 January 2017 – 17 January 2017

Gloomy, with light frost and sparse, yet abundant snowfall. In a word a mild winter before temperature declines into double-digits below zero and skies clear up.

18 January 2017 – 19 January 2017

A harsher face of winter manifests itself. Near –10C before sunrise, below zero in the afternoon. No new snow at all, yet little sunshine. Smog has returned?

20 January 2017

Freezing drizzle, not as wreckful as exactly three years ago (taki mieliśmy klimat), yet when it rains at –4C, walking and driving is damn risky. Especially the former. Pavements are dreadfully slippery. Foggy (or smoggy).

21 January 2017

After a spell of frost at night it thaws out. Icy pavements become a thing of the past. Gloom does not let up.

22 January 2017 – 28 January 2017

I’m taking a week-long break from Polish winter and spend it in Spain where the weather is like in late March in Poland. In the meantime in Warsaw there is little new snow and temperatures swing from –10C before sunrise to slightly above zero on afternoons.

29 January 2017 – 31 January 2017

Rather cold nights with temperature falling near –10C, sunny days with day-time highs near 0C. Actual winter about to recede in a few days…

January 2017 was normal, yet it needs to be noted the categorization is due to large standard deviation from mean temperature recorded in Warsaw over years (I would classify it as slightly cold). Average temperature in Warsaw was –3.7C (vs. long-term average of –1.9C), but over most of the month actual temperature was nearing the average –2C. Stats:

- month-time high: +3.9C on 1 January 2017 (quite chilly, compared to double-digit month-time highs record in recent years),

- month-time low: –19.3C on 7 January 2017 (the coldest since February 2012),

- the warmest day: 1 January 2017 (daily average of +1.6C, mere +1.6C),

- the coldest day: 7 January 2017 (daily average of –15.6C).

1 February 2017

The last day of rather sunny mild winter (between –5C and the freezing point).

2 February 2017

The day begins with rather intense snow shower, but white powder melts quickly when temperature inclines above 0C. In the afternoon it gets foggy and freezing drizzle hampers moving around.

3 February 2017 – 4 February 2017

Just a bit above 0C, gloomy and no snow showers. Clouds occlude the sun, but days are visibly longer, especially in afternoons.

5 February 2017 – 6 February 2017

Around –4C, overcast skies and odd tiny snowflakes falling on the ground. A cold snap ahead!

7 February 2017

It snows, all day long. The snow is soft, crisp and does not fall in abundance. Hour by hour it gets colder, from –4C in the morning towards –9C late in the evening.

8 February 2017 – 9 February 2017

Snow showers cease, but sun does not break through the clouds. Temperature hovers between –10C and –5C but wind chill makes it feel like below –15C. The windy weather has one upside – moving air blows away the smog.

10 February 2017 – 11 February 2017

Finally sunshine takes over. Mornings are cold, around –10C, afternoons not that warm, since despite day-time highs near –3C, wind takes the gloss off warmth. Sunlight reveals how much salt has been put down on roads and pavements – they are virtually white.

12 February 2017 – 14 February 2017

Above –10C night-time lows, below 0C day-time high. Sometimes sunny, sometimes cloudy yet without precipitation. Thaw fails to take over, yet after six weeks of full- or half-blown winter, a proper thaw would be welcome.

15 February 2017

Sunny, yet with hovering smog. Temperature in the afternoon for the first time since nearly two weeks rises above zero.

16 February 2017

Frosty morning (-5C) comes ahead of the first whiff of spring in the afternoon. Sunrays heat the air up to +8C, however air quality in Warsaw is horrid.

17 February – 23 February 2017

Gloomy pre-spring takes over. Sparse moments of sunshine, gloomy with rain showers, downpours, drizzles or fog. Temperature above zero all the time. The ground is frozen solid, hence it takes a few days before quite thin snow cover disappears.

24 February 2017

All of the sudden in begins to snow in the afternoon. The wind is gusty, so Warsaw witnesses a veritable blizzard. Temperature falls near zero, so the snow melts slowly.

25 February 2017

Snows have not melted overnight. Besides, fresh supplies of white arrive around 9 a.m. when another blizzard hits. Despite temperature topping +3C and several spells of sunshine snow lies on the ground by evening.

26 February 2017

A light dusting of snow in the morning… Melts instantly. Temperature reaches +6C, but outside it is unpleasant in drizzle and chilly wind… Two-week forecast say today’s snow shower could be the last one (in 2014 the last snow was witnessed in the first decade of February).

27 February 2017 – 28 February 2017

Beautiful ending of February, sunshine and double-digit temperatures in the afternoon. Next whiff of spring is foreseen for the weekend.

February 2017 was normal. Average temperature in Warsaw was –0.8C (vs. long-term average of –1.0C). Stats:

- month-time high: +13,7C on 27 February 2017 (short of record-high +17.2C measured in 1990),

- month-time low: –10.9C on 10 February 2017,

- the warmest day: 27 February 2017 (daily average of +8.3C, as warm as in mid-April),

- the coldest day: 8 February 2017 (daily average of –8.9C).

March 2017 had a very pleasant beginning. Noteworthy events were first spring storm on 2 March 2017 and remarkably balmy first weekend of the month when temperatures peaked near +15C (in full sunshine it felt much warmer). Though later the weather resembled rather pre-spring (single-digit above zero, gloomy), no trace of winter was in sight.